The litmus test every mom should use to grade herself

I don't really consider myself much of a baseball nut, to say the least (although I am reminded that is the name of a really good flavor of Ice Cream and Baskin Robbins.)

Back to baseball... I have 55 minutes before certain 65 pound and 46 pound bundles of energy come off the bus which means I will be on "red flag alert" listening to 27 stories about school (mostly recess,) feeding snacks, questioning why they didn't eat half their packed lunch and monitoring homework progress.  (What is up with parents having to correct homework these days, by the way?)  I'll need to video tape my son's recorder songs and upload to email; correct Everyday math (are you kidding me, this is NOT the way I learned math,) oversee 5 minutes of typing on MY COMPUTER which means all my USB ports will be left unplugged and all open internet windows closed, give a oral spelling test and check reading comprehension answers for correct grammar, capitalization and punctuation.  Oh, and that was one kid.  (And if feels like just yesterday I was looking soooooo forward to the start of school: "First day of school: do I laugh or cry?")

Dude... I do not have a degree for this.... I pay TAXES and a write a hefty check so my children can go to good schools... but now I'm on the hook for 45 minutes worth of homeschooling?

That actually brings me back, AGAIN, to Baseball.  You see, baseball is all about statistics.  Really.  My husband and oldest child could rattle some of the most obscure statistics about baseball players and their performance.  One of a player's stats that carries a hefty weight is their batting average.  So, if I were to write baseball for dummies, I would explain that "a batting average is calculated by dividing the number of times a player has gotten a base hit by the number of times the player has been at bat."  An average batting average is about .269 for a team collectively... a good average is above .300 and the all-time record is held by Ted Williams who batted an amazing .406 back in 1946!

(Impressive what a chick can learn thanks to the internet... I practically sound like an ESPN anchor!)
Ahhh... still giggling....

Anyhoo... think about that statistic in terms of percentages... so a pretty good player, one who is sought out... paid millions and millions of dollars to play for a team... put on merchandise for God's sake... gets on base 30% of the time.

In school, uhhhh, that's failing.  Blowing it.  Big time.  I mean, Kumon won't even take you at that point!

But as moms, we really hold ourselves to a different standard, don't we?

Back to the afternoon schedule... take a look at all that is required of a typical grade-school parent the minute she collects her children from school?  And that is just what the state requires of us... never mind we elect to add  an absorbent amount of extracurricular activities to our child's plate.  Sports, music-lessons, church education programs, scouts, etc. just add to the plate because you aren't just getting them to and fro, you're ensuring they follow up on all that is demanded from those activities on the dates you AREN'T there.

I know I've said this in almost every post, but I really do write for my own therapy.  Okay, fine... secretly (well, now it's not) I also write because I hope I strike a chord with some other mom or moms out there... dude...we're friggin nuts!!!!

Because this morning I was almost in tears.  I dropped my 3 year old off at pre-school and was flying back out to the car to head to a PRECIOUS allocation of time to get my hair cut and well... um... enhanced in the umm... tone area.... um yes...I mean...color... well fine...

I GET IT HIGHLIGHTED.... SO THERE!

The preschool teacher asked if I was staying.  ("Why would I do that?" was my first thought.... ) but I asked if she needed help.  No, she replied...but it was "stay and visit" day so you could make a craft with your children!!!!!!  Oh joy.  No, I didn't know that.  No, I didn't get that email or read though every stinking bit of news for my 3 year old's newsletter this month.  OMG, this is why I write a check people... it is my BREAK!!!!

Loser mom... I thought... one more thing I didn't plan for... didn't remember...and I could just envision my child during circle time, sitting on the teacher's lap because my son "had no mama."

Tears were welling up.... and I am NOT a public crier!

You see... this just went on the top of the "already loser mom" feelings....

I nearly forgot it was picture day this morning and my husband had to rescue me (Thank you Jesus for getting him back from Houston a day early) by doing the boys hair while I scrambled to fill out the forms 5 minutes before the bus came.

The day before I listened to my son tell me how he's missing all the contests because WE don't know where his Orthodontist's debit card is and by not bringing it to his emergency appointment to replace HIS BROKEN WIRE... he was losing out on earning points.

Let's see... I could go on for days people.  School library books not in the backpack on the right days, bus passes left by the printer on the day my child is supposed to ride home with another kid.  Lunches packed in the wrong lunchbox (leaving each of my children to open up their lunches and find all of the "wrong" things... a perfect example as to how different they are!)  Yeah, that one was fun because they just didn't eat their lunches... nothing like a starving, low-blood sugar crank at the end of a school day!

We've missed team snack...forgotten water bottles on hot days, bibles to church-camp and have DEFINITELY failed to remember that it is someone's turn to pick out the ice cream flavor at the supermarket.   Allowance was paid late, a jersey wasn't washed in time for the game and I seem to be the only mom who won't plunge $60+ on a Halloween costume.

It's a wonder my children haven't filed for emancipation by now.

But you know what... I'm still batting about .900+ according to my reflection... I mean... lets consider all that I DO get right.  They are wearing underwear, they've showered, they are fed, they are loved.  Hey... that's an A- right there...take THAT, Everyday Math!

 My kids will not give you that same statistic of course...but that is just a short-term recollection of my performance.  In five years, they will forget about the missed bus pass or the time I served them homemade pizza with dough that had CLEARLY gone past its date (whoops) but I gotta stop listening to them... or myself for that matter.  Jesus is the one collecting data for the stats.

And he says I'm batting 100%.  He knows I am doing my best.  He also knows that our Heavenly Father purposed and crafted us specifically for our children.

Hebrews 13:21 (New Living Translation)


May he equip you with all you need for doing his will.
May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ,
every good thing that is pleasing to him.
    All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.

Allright...so this is good stuff... He never asks us to be perfect and yet he tells us from the beginning that he's equipped us with all that we need to do....and its pleasing to Him.

How freeing... how liberating.... somewhere there's a woman shouting
"Can...I...get...an...A-MEN...up....in....here?"

Don't get your stats from your children...they are ruthless little suckers! Don't judge yourself because chances are... Satan's going to show up for that trial and stick you in the chair of the condemned or let you party over in the "guilt" chambers.  Nah... turn your eyes instead to the one who MADE you...he's known you the longest... and he thinks you are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made.

Okay...okay...okay... I'm sure there is some permission slip you still need to fill out before tomorrow so I'll sign out for now...but celebrate in your incredible MBA... Mom's Batting Average and then brainstorm what you want your bobble head to look like.

Anyone else feelin' me on this one?  Let me know!