A memoir of all parents....
The night before I was scheduled to check in to Central Dupage Hospital in Wheaton, Illinois, I didn't sleep a wink. Well, probably a wink, but not much after that. Tossing and turning. Flipping my pillow. Waking at the sound of a plane flying 30 miles away. When a thunderstorm rolled through at 4:15 in the morning I just called it a night and got up.
I was scheduled to deliver my 3rd son the following day and well, I was anxious! I already had two incredibly healthy sons with great deliveries but nonetheless, knowing you are going to wake up the following morning and be in LABOR does seem to bring about a sense of restlessness. Anticipation. Calculating, mentally making a list....checking it twice...
Did I pack my this, my that?
Does the neighbor have my contact numbers?
Is someone getting my mom from the airport?
It was much like that same restless feeling last night as I lay awake...the night before the first day of school. With my husband having left for an East Coast trip earlier that evening, there was a sense of "Rosie the Riveter" within my spirit. I was on my own, taking on new frontier... in a new era.... (I'm cracking myself up!) No....seriously....
Could I get my 9 year old out the door without any wardrobe malfunctions and a lunch that included some sort of nutrition for his newly adhered braces?
Could I wake my late-sleeping 1st grader up in time to clothe and eat without missing the bus (and remembering his underwear?)
Would my 3 year old son demand his usual amount of attention and go with the flow or fight the current?
Could I shower, dry hair and apply some resemblance of makeup to be proud of those first day of school pictures and not want to try and photo-shop myself out?
That line of thinking got me through until I saw midnight on the alarm clock. Then my friend "memory lane" stopped in for a visit.... recalling the high and low points of the summer; road trips, swimming at Pine Lake, zoo trips, shaking in our boots to the roar of the Blue Angels.... blueberry picking, summer baseball and trips to Costco that took 2 hours and ended with tossing 23 sample cups into the trash at the exit. Ahhhh....those summer days. The outbursts, mommy-is-losing-her-mind-episodes and clashing of the minds seemed to fade into the night air. The "I'm bored," "this is the worst day ever," "there is nothing to do," "I want a new mom" comments grew distant and not nearly as stinging as they were the days they were spoken these past 10 weeks.
Then the ghost of the present came to visit and we looked onward to the future..... I would be able to take showers longer than 10 minutes, shop at Target without coercion or breakdowns and eat a lunch that did not originally start as a whole sandwich on my son's plate. Why, I could sit down and read a magazine.... unload the entire dishwasher at once and even....WRITE! Read a book...or two...or even visit the big people section of the library! I could SHAVE MY LEGS!!!!
Of course the mere thoughts of having all of my children in some sort of school or napping for a combined for 13 hours a week got me so excited that I definitely saw 12:30 am....and 1:00 am.
And so here I am, bleary eyed, writing to you. Jacked up and down on 2 cups of coffee, an Americano and a Diet Coke... a heartfelt "share" with all of the other parents out there today....
They are on the bus. I teared... my voice cracked as I waved and said "Goodbye" as they stepped away from me. I hollered a hoopla after the bus pulled away. Then, of course, I immediately posted all of the pictures on Facebook and wistfully scrolled through everyone else's first day pictures. I envisioned every other parent's struggle between "cheers and tears." While I cannot deny that there is a rightfully selfish woman inside of me who is ready to exhale after holding her breath for 10 weeks, I am gripped by the fact that when that bus pulled away this morning, it forced my children to get older. It was no longer an option for my 6 year old to attend school half the day. My fourth grader needs that playground adrenaline rush found only in hurling inflated balls at their opposing teammates heads in a action-packed game of Dodgeball and yes, even my 3 year old will need the heartfelt love of a teacher who actually enjoys craft time.
Time really does fly. And at times, it really does slow down. And its perfectly okay to cry and laugh at the same time today. It's a changing of the guards, a reddening of the green leaves as the cool morning air ushers in a new season.
I for one will be trying my best not to immediately pack my calendar full of things (as I write that I'm such a hypocrite...but working to get a free day in here soon!!!) so that I can "take inventory" of the ME that existed before children. What has been put on the shelf? What do I have more time for? How can I best prepare for this next season?
I hope that all of you parents (and parents in the making) have had a wonderful day or for my Midwest and East Coast readers... I know you just did this a few weeks ago.... but I encourage you to embrace the day and the transition for what it is....such a wonderful passage of time... a chance to reflect on the great memories...let the bad ones fade away and embrace the addition of time deposited back into your daily accounts. A word of caution to not immediately throw oneself into your entire to-do list without checking to see if some of that is even relevant! Just as our children have grown...so have we!
Congrats to all...and now.... I must go meet the bus and capture some more Facebook-bound photographs as my children disembark from their first day of "being older." :)
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