I really hope you recognize the movie line here.... or what a pathetic title I gave to this entry!
"Can you fly this plane...and land it?"
"Surely you can't be serious."
"I AM serious...and don't call me Shirley!" -Airplane!
Well...here's what got me thinking today. We are too serious. All the time.
Really.
I told my husband the weekend that I was tired of being so serious as a mom and a wife. While I was enjoying a week away from the children with my husband earlier this month, I reflected on how much I laughed and joked during that time.
What changed? What happened?
It's as if there is some magical transformation that took place in my body as our plane descended below 10,000 feet on the return flight to home. Gone was the carefree attitude.... the joking....the unleashed bouts of giggles and the very thought of playing a practical prank.
It was quickly replaced with seriousness.
It's as if I picked up my pathetically heavy suitcase off the baggage carousel and sternness, to-do lists, nagging and seriousness had snuck inside the zippered compartments...all too eager to be loaded into my car and even worse, into my heart.
What was THAT about?
Oh....I can answer my own question, for sure. The "MOM" in me would be quick to defend seriousness. The "MOM" in me would have a list of 100 reasons why seriousness is important. First and foremost, "MOM" would explain that seriousness is an synonym for "responsibility." You see... no one else is going to get our children to 17 different engagements within the next 5 days, help kids with the ever-increasing load of homework, monitor their music lessons, listen to 20 minutes of them "just right" reading books, find a costume for a school performance, procure, prepare and serve nutritious meals that do not contain trans fats, food dyes or pesticides, ensure their laundry is cleaned, teach them to tie their shoes, ensure they write their thank you notes from the totally off-the-chart-keep-up-with-the-joneses-birthday-party and remember to floss their teeth.
(Breath.)
But wait..that's one sided. I haven't thought about being a "WIFE" in this whole contemplation. Even while I have the fresh memories of "life before kids" and a carefree attitude from my recent vacation... I have to snap out of it, don't I? There are bills to pay, weeds to pull, favorite meals to be prepared, dry-cleaning to be dropped off and picked up. I need to remember to buy stamps for those thank you notes! Sheets must be changed, socializing scheduled and babysitters booked. And lets not forget... some showers to be taken, legs to be shaved and teeth to be brushed because lets face it... a little primping wouldn't hurt at this point!
(Deep breath.)
What a downer...the thought of it all? It's crushing to the soul to read the list of responsibilities (most self-inflicted, by the way) and realize that it turns us from care-free women to fire-drill sergeants.... rattling off the next command to not only ourselves...but everyone around us!
I think the solution lies within our grasp. I believe the "way out" is right under our nose. It's our children. Their child-like faith. Their carefree spirits.... even though they have responsibilities...every other "non-working" moment is filled with laughter, jokes, silliness and play. While the "MOM" and "WIFE" in me struggle with this idea of becoming more like our children (after all who has time for silliness when you are this busy?) I think its one of those leaps of faith we must make.
Heck, there are even songs for this... "For every season.....turn, turn, turn...." Maybe a season can be broken down into 30 minute segments. Let's focus on getting our immediate responsibilities done and then lets relax.... tickle our children... make chocolate milk (or a carob soy beverage,) drink through the crazy straw and stare at the clouds looking for shapes.
But I believe we have to practice this "non-seriousness." I think for many, it's a lost art. We have equated it with irresponsible, laziness and other negative connotations. We have to embrace it like an old friend...get to know it all over again and then make a commitment to get together with "relaxed" more often.
I bet those who call me "mom" will be positively impacted. I bet he who calls me "wife" will appreciate it. Science says I will live longer. But the selfish person inside of me is most excited that I get to have more fun... smile.... breathe... and drink through a crazy straw.
Tell me..what is your favorite way to shed "seriousness?" Take a moment to share!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
3 resources we need to thrive
I think coming back from a tropical vacation may very well be one of the hardest things to do. Especially, in late winter. Especially when it was a vacation without kids. (Quite honestly, I don't understand people who call traveling with kids a vacation. No, it is not. It might be an "adventure"...it might be a "trip" but a vacation, it is not.) My husband and I spent 6 glorious, sun-filled (mostly) days exploring the big island of Hawaii. We swam with sea turtles, zip-lined, explored lava flows and watched amazing sunsets. Oh, and we laid around like beach bums... a little bit. The biggest epiphany in our six days is that we really suck at relaxing. I mean...we REALLY need to work at it.
So if you are like me, returning from a vacation flows about as smoothly as a rocket re-entering the atmosphere. It's awkward, it's shaky...it's with brute force and it's not pretty. You return to your daily routines as if vacation was on some other time continuum that sucked you into its vortex and then spit you back out like a whale who accidentally mistaken you for krill. Back to laundry, meal preparation, homework to be monitored, music practice, carpools, finding lost homework, baseball caps and athletic supporters; reminders to brush teeth, floss teeth, wash hands, wipe bums and for Goodness's sake, get your finger out of your nose!
Quite honestly, I didn't realize how much I did to ensure that this house runs on all four wheels until I returned. And while I wouldn't trade the season I am in, in just 3 days back from vacation I am wiped out. I mean, hit the pillow and hear me snore, wiped out.
How does that happen? I don't care if you are a high-flying executive carrying $100 bills in your wallet or if you are a coupon-clippin', play-date organizing mom.. returning back from a vacation throws us into the deep end of the pool. I scratched my head at all the people who visited Hawaii and simply never returned...happy to wander the streets of Kona and conduct...shall we say.... "agricultural crops that could be used for medicinal purposes" transactions? I don't get the selling weed part...but I certainly can see the allure of living at 25 miles and hour instead of the 74 (so we don't get a speeding ticket) that we seem to pace ourselves at. Daily life, my friends...is a life-long race...yet we run it at a sprint.
You don't have to be Usain Bolt to know you can't sprint a long distance race... you have to slow down...and rely on your resources. Long distance runners need a few things to help the finish a race:
-Water
-Supplements
-A crowd of supporters cheering them on
Long distance runners know that they cannot persevere and come out victorious if they work "solo mio." (Taken from the movie Cars.... Lightning McQueen worked by himself without a pit crew and it cost him the race...he blew out tires.... C'mon... you know you've all seen it!)
So often, we are like Lightning McQueen...aren't we? "No, I can do this...I'm fine." "No, really, I got this." "Oh, thank you for offering but we're fine." Look at us...we're basically knocking over the water station tables, passing up the supplement gels when the going gets tough and plugging our ears at the cheering crowds! How isolating. How depressing. How easy to get sucked into a "woe is me, I must run this course alone."
No we don't. That's junk talking. Pride. Pity. Doesn't really matter how we label it in our 5 minutes together... you can go back and do a heart check later to determine why you refuse the help. For now, I'll give you three tools for running your race of life:
-water
-supplements
-A crowd of supporters cheering you on
Since I am someone who likes to cross stuff off my list, allow me to help you unpack these items for a better understanding:
1. WATER: The living water is the word of God. It's the Bible...and let me rock your world with this: it's full of inspiration, truth, knowledge and any other nugget of a word you need to get motivated enough to open it up. Try not to start in the chapters titled "Numbers" or "Leviticus"....that's like venturing off breaded pork chops and trying a bowl full of KimChee. Instead.... read Hebrews, Corinthians, Romans.... and give yourself a boost of encouragement!
2. SUPPLEMENTS: Is answered prayer....it supplies us with what we need. Yet we have not because we ask not. My friends, God wants to bless you over and over and over again.... he is in love with you! When our child asks for a hug, do we deny them? Of course not; we pick them up in our arms and hold them, never wanting to let go....and that is exactly how it is with our Heavenly Father. You don't need to have some "religious dictionary" and say all these big puffy words that make you sound like you went to church your whole life. Just talk to the Man.... what are you feeling? What could you really use right now? Start with that... He loves to give good things to those who love him. (My translation of Matthew 7:11)
3. SUPPORTERS: You already have a crowd of supporters and fans!
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2).
Your support team is the millions of people who already have a relationship with Jesus....they are like one big extended family (God help the family reunion....some seriously bad t-shirts headed our way, right?) In all seriousness, people who share the commonality of Jesus are a huge network that is cheering you along. They have your back. And so does Jesus. Don't be afraid to refuse help...its sometimes God's way of answering your prayers. Email a friend...text a friend.... grab coffee or gather your kids at a park with another compadre....but don't do life by yourself!!!
So even as I sat this morning and grumbled at my children for not appreciating my short-order cook efforts, separated the older two for squabbling and picked Playdoh out of the carpet... I was reminded of the fact that I tend to try and race by myself....solo mio. No wonder I am burnt out after 72 hours of being back from vacation. The only way to avoid it is to run our race of endurance with water, supplements and supporters (not the athletic kind.)
Oh friends, I hope you have enjoyed my "on paper processing" as I go through everyday life situations. May this post be like a new pair of running shoes to help you run your race with success!
So if you are like me, returning from a vacation flows about as smoothly as a rocket re-entering the atmosphere. It's awkward, it's shaky...it's with brute force and it's not pretty. You return to your daily routines as if vacation was on some other time continuum that sucked you into its vortex and then spit you back out like a whale who accidentally mistaken you for krill. Back to laundry, meal preparation, homework to be monitored, music practice, carpools, finding lost homework, baseball caps and athletic supporters; reminders to brush teeth, floss teeth, wash hands, wipe bums and for Goodness's sake, get your finger out of your nose!
Quite honestly, I didn't realize how much I did to ensure that this house runs on all four wheels until I returned. And while I wouldn't trade the season I am in, in just 3 days back from vacation I am wiped out. I mean, hit the pillow and hear me snore, wiped out.
How does that happen? I don't care if you are a high-flying executive carrying $100 bills in your wallet or if you are a coupon-clippin', play-date organizing mom.. returning back from a vacation throws us into the deep end of the pool. I scratched my head at all the people who visited Hawaii and simply never returned...happy to wander the streets of Kona and conduct...shall we say.... "agricultural crops that could be used for medicinal purposes" transactions? I don't get the selling weed part...but I certainly can see the allure of living at 25 miles and hour instead of the 74 (so we don't get a speeding ticket) that we seem to pace ourselves at. Daily life, my friends...is a life-long race...yet we run it at a sprint.
You don't have to be Usain Bolt to know you can't sprint a long distance race... you have to slow down...and rely on your resources. Long distance runners need a few things to help the finish a race:
-Water
-Supplements
-A crowd of supporters cheering them on
Long distance runners know that they cannot persevere and come out victorious if they work "solo mio." (Taken from the movie Cars.... Lightning McQueen worked by himself without a pit crew and it cost him the race...he blew out tires.... C'mon... you know you've all seen it!)
So often, we are like Lightning McQueen...aren't we? "No, I can do this...I'm fine." "No, really, I got this." "Oh, thank you for offering but we're fine." Look at us...we're basically knocking over the water station tables, passing up the supplement gels when the going gets tough and plugging our ears at the cheering crowds! How isolating. How depressing. How easy to get sucked into a "woe is me, I must run this course alone."
No we don't. That's junk talking. Pride. Pity. Doesn't really matter how we label it in our 5 minutes together... you can go back and do a heart check later to determine why you refuse the help. For now, I'll give you three tools for running your race of life:
-water
-supplements
-A crowd of supporters cheering you on
Since I am someone who likes to cross stuff off my list, allow me to help you unpack these items for a better understanding:
1. WATER: The living water is the word of God. It's the Bible...and let me rock your world with this: it's full of inspiration, truth, knowledge and any other nugget of a word you need to get motivated enough to open it up. Try not to start in the chapters titled "Numbers" or "Leviticus"....that's like venturing off breaded pork chops and trying a bowl full of KimChee. Instead.... read Hebrews, Corinthians, Romans.... and give yourself a boost of encouragement!
2. SUPPLEMENTS: Is answered prayer....it supplies us with what we need. Yet we have not because we ask not. My friends, God wants to bless you over and over and over again.... he is in love with you! When our child asks for a hug, do we deny them? Of course not; we pick them up in our arms and hold them, never wanting to let go....and that is exactly how it is with our Heavenly Father. You don't need to have some "religious dictionary" and say all these big puffy words that make you sound like you went to church your whole life. Just talk to the Man.... what are you feeling? What could you really use right now? Start with that... He loves to give good things to those who love him. (My translation of Matthew 7:11)
3. SUPPORTERS: You already have a crowd of supporters and fans!
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2).
Your support team is the millions of people who already have a relationship with Jesus....they are like one big extended family (God help the family reunion....some seriously bad t-shirts headed our way, right?) In all seriousness, people who share the commonality of Jesus are a huge network that is cheering you along. They have your back. And so does Jesus. Don't be afraid to refuse help...its sometimes God's way of answering your prayers. Email a friend...text a friend.... grab coffee or gather your kids at a park with another compadre....but don't do life by yourself!!!
So even as I sat this morning and grumbled at my children for not appreciating my short-order cook efforts, separated the older two for squabbling and picked Playdoh out of the carpet... I was reminded of the fact that I tend to try and race by myself....solo mio. No wonder I am burnt out after 72 hours of being back from vacation. The only way to avoid it is to run our race of endurance with water, supplements and supporters (not the athletic kind.)
Oh friends, I hope you have enjoyed my "on paper processing" as I go through everyday life situations. May this post be like a new pair of running shoes to help you run your race with success!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Skinny Jeans
There's a silver lining in the clouds.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
There are so many sayings that we use to turn our situation around, aren't there? If I wasn't more pressed for time, I'd eek out a few more..but the point is, we humans have spent a lot of time developing these "catchy" phrases to perk ourselves up, cheer ourselves out of the dumps, per se.
It's no wonder the self-help section of a store is one of the largest. Have you perused the aisle lately? Or, I suppose online the amount of titles are limitless; "Think your way to happiness," "The power of a positive"... (mom/parent/sibling/daughter/son/spouse.) Truly, you could spend the rest of your life reading the titles and not scratch the depth of material that is available to us.
Why so many titles? My guess would be that despite the best 5-step program... we try to fix ourselves and it fails. It can work for awhile..sure.... but then we derail. I'm not saying there isn't GREAT attributes to thinking positive and pulling up your bootstraps. I'm just proposing that if that was ALL we needed...well, then we wouldn't have any new books on the shelf and quite frankly, we all wouldn't be so pathetically broken.
You see the answer, I believe, is not only putting ourselves into a seat of accountability to do something about our situation (however slight or enormous the giant you are facing,) but we also have to surrender and let Jesus step in. Counterproductive advice...isn't it? You have to do a little on your part but mostly what you have to do is stop struggling/striving/sulking/trying..... and let Jesus intervene.
After all, his Word says that "He works ALL THINGS together for good..." (Romans 8:28)
Yes all.
I was reminded of this last week as our family has come off a very, very intense start to 2012. Nothing dramatic, just more like a Japanese Bullet Train that has ran out of control. Fast, hurried; lots of travel for my husband, lots of activities, a family vacation, a wedding, a surgery, 2 birthdays, a broken rib....oh, and life with three active boys under the age of 9. Yep, we're running pretty fast.
So you can imagine how excited I was to know that on March 13th my husband and I were slowing down to enjoy 6 days on the island of Hawaii...just the two of us. I botched my hubby's 40th birthday, we moved over our 10th anniversary and well... we desperately needed a fantastic way to pause, recover and rest. So when they called us on the phone to offer us some killer deal... we snatched it. For 5 months I have had this week circled in red!!!
And then...the stomach bug. Not just the "don't feel like myself" version but we're talking the "The UPS truck just ran over me...and then backed up and ran over me again" version. First it hit my husband.... then we had a day...then it hit me. Can I tell you I believe the entrance to Hell might look like a man giving out doses of the stomach flu and then telling you, "Oh and don't forget, you'll still have all your responsibilities and your children will be on break from school...and it will be 34 degrees out and raining so you'll need to keep them inside....locked up....with you..... welcome to Hell. P.S. Your spouse's flight was cancelled and they are never coming home...welcome again!!!"
Now, as March 11th approached and I was still dieting on the equivalent of a banana and piece of toast I had a choice; lament, pout and take a legal, perhaps slightly illegal dose of Dayquil OR..... trust God.
I'll tell you what... my stomach isn't in perfect harmony as I count down the 18 hours until I take off for the islands but I will tell you this:
1. I have a perfect peace that I will be fully recovered by tomorrow morning.
2. I have all of my energy back....probably because I'm not fretting so much!
3. I can now fit into my skinny jeans for the first time in 4 years.
He works ALL things together for Good.
So slice the lemon and plunk it in your water.... you don't need another catch phrase.... you just need to sit back and trust your savior.... and then wait, in anticipation for the good He promises to show you!
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
There are so many sayings that we use to turn our situation around, aren't there? If I wasn't more pressed for time, I'd eek out a few more..but the point is, we humans have spent a lot of time developing these "catchy" phrases to perk ourselves up, cheer ourselves out of the dumps, per se.
It's no wonder the self-help section of a store is one of the largest. Have you perused the aisle lately? Or, I suppose online the amount of titles are limitless; "Think your way to happiness," "The power of a positive"... (mom/parent/sibling/daughter/son/spouse.) Truly, you could spend the rest of your life reading the titles and not scratch the depth of material that is available to us.
Why so many titles? My guess would be that despite the best 5-step program... we try to fix ourselves and it fails. It can work for awhile..sure.... but then we derail. I'm not saying there isn't GREAT attributes to thinking positive and pulling up your bootstraps. I'm just proposing that if that was ALL we needed...well, then we wouldn't have any new books on the shelf and quite frankly, we all wouldn't be so pathetically broken.
You see the answer, I believe, is not only putting ourselves into a seat of accountability to do something about our situation (however slight or enormous the giant you are facing,) but we also have to surrender and let Jesus step in. Counterproductive advice...isn't it? You have to do a little on your part but mostly what you have to do is stop struggling/striving/sulking/trying..... and let Jesus intervene.
After all, his Word says that "He works ALL THINGS together for good..." (Romans 8:28)
Yes all.
I was reminded of this last week as our family has come off a very, very intense start to 2012. Nothing dramatic, just more like a Japanese Bullet Train that has ran out of control. Fast, hurried; lots of travel for my husband, lots of activities, a family vacation, a wedding, a surgery, 2 birthdays, a broken rib....oh, and life with three active boys under the age of 9. Yep, we're running pretty fast.
So you can imagine how excited I was to know that on March 13th my husband and I were slowing down to enjoy 6 days on the island of Hawaii...just the two of us. I botched my hubby's 40th birthday, we moved over our 10th anniversary and well... we desperately needed a fantastic way to pause, recover and rest. So when they called us on the phone to offer us some killer deal... we snatched it. For 5 months I have had this week circled in red!!!
And then...the stomach bug. Not just the "don't feel like myself" version but we're talking the "The UPS truck just ran over me...and then backed up and ran over me again" version. First it hit my husband.... then we had a day...then it hit me. Can I tell you I believe the entrance to Hell might look like a man giving out doses of the stomach flu and then telling you, "Oh and don't forget, you'll still have all your responsibilities and your children will be on break from school...and it will be 34 degrees out and raining so you'll need to keep them inside....locked up....with you..... welcome to Hell. P.S. Your spouse's flight was cancelled and they are never coming home...welcome again!!!"
Now, as March 11th approached and I was still dieting on the equivalent of a banana and piece of toast I had a choice; lament, pout and take a legal, perhaps slightly illegal dose of Dayquil OR..... trust God.
I'll tell you what... my stomach isn't in perfect harmony as I count down the 18 hours until I take off for the islands but I will tell you this:
1. I have a perfect peace that I will be fully recovered by tomorrow morning.
2. I have all of my energy back....probably because I'm not fretting so much!
3. I can now fit into my skinny jeans for the first time in 4 years.
He works ALL things together for Good.
So slice the lemon and plunk it in your water.... you don't need another catch phrase.... you just need to sit back and trust your savior.... and then wait, in anticipation for the good He promises to show you!
Monday, March 5, 2012
I woke up with a disease
Uh huh... I caught your curiosity didn't I?
Seriously, I did really wake up with a disease. I've actually been waking up with the disease for quite some time now. It's quite manageable, actually. Sometimes, I don't seem to notice it very much and other times it really flares up. The ebb and flow can even happen in the course of a day.
I have lived with this disease since I was born and it was really, really bad as an infant, but my mom and dad did they best they could and I grew out of it...kind of. My teenage years seem to exacerbate the disease but after a few big lessons in my early adulthood, I learned how to keep the disease under wraps a little bit better. Hide it from the outside world. At the age of 30 I realized I could no longer "get happy" without treating the disease.
If you are still reading... your eyes must be the size of saucers (and quite honestly, I can't believe you didn't close out your browser window!) so I'll spill the beans now.
I've got the "me" disease. So you can cancel that 1-800-flowers order you got queued up on the other browser window and put away the "Get well soon" card. I've just got the "me" disease. You know the disease...I bet you know people who suffer from it. Here are some symptoms:
-The world according to "them."
-Enough about me, let's talk about you...what do you think of me?
-I can't help you, I'm too busy helping me!
-It's MY time.
ME, ME, ME
Do you know anyone who has ever had moments like that? After you make that mental list... go ahead and step away from the computer to do an exercise for me. Go turn on the light in the bathroom and find a mirror. Oh yes...yes I just did. I called you out. Because we all suffer from the "me" disease, somewhere inside of us...its always there!
The good news is that I found a couple of cures and ways to treat it. The bad news is that we'll always have to deal with it.
The inspiration of this entry comes from a sermon I heard from Carl Lentz, an amazing, dynamic pastor out of Hillsong New York. God is using him in mighty ways...but my favorite is for Carl's ability to tell it how it is and instead of being offended by his unorthodox approach... you're snorting in laughter!
He set the topic up by describing all of the feedback (complaints) they get from people about the church he pastors: "Can't you play some some of the older hymns?" "I can't see the screen from the back rows." "Every time I come to church I end up sitting by new people- I'm just not connecting." "I've met you 3 times and you don't remember me." "You showed a promo clip that had secular music." "The music is too loud, too soft, too fast, too slow, too heavy on drums, too heavy on guitar...." and so on. The point here is that people's feedback about the church is that it should have been more tailored to be the perfect church for them. Ahhhh....the "me" disease, revealed.
We don't have to do it in church. Don't we do it everywhere? The meetings are too boring, the conference calls too early, the body pump instructor too perky, the Kindergarten teacher too demanding. The sun is too bright, the sun isn't out enough, the sun is killing my lawn. My neighbors are too nosy, my neighbors never socialize with us. Ahhhh....the "me" disease.
The problem is, the world wasn't just made for us. (News flash, I know.) It's not about us, all the time. But hey, for those of you who like to beat yourself over the head with a cast iron skillet, keep in mind that we are ALL created in a fallen world and are victim to this disease.
So now that we have it, what do we do to "manage it?"
Keep the focus off of us. (Even as I write this, I'm cracking up at how bad I am about this. My husband would be the first to tell you.) OK, seriously, enough about ME.... back to how to fix you! Do you SEE how easy it is to keep the focus on ourselves? How does this affect me????? Right? Okay, well you have to defer the focus from you...when you do, it forces you to focus on others.
I believe mothers have an easier shot at this because from the moment we realize we are carrying life, we must shift from our selfish desires and focus on our growing child. We abstain from alcohol, tobacco, drugs, ibuprofen, and whatever else the doctor orders! (That was not my personal list, by the way.) When a child is born we quickly learn that life is no longer about us. Rather, it's about our newborn child and we can even go to the extreme end of the spectrum, taking the focus off ourselves because it is now poured out on our child. (This would include forgetting to eat, shower, shave, give attention to our husbands... can I get an Amen up in here?)
So how do we keep the focus off ourselves if we aren't mothers or Jesus resurrected? Easy. Focus on others. It will take some muscle memory, but its impossible to serve yourself equally while you are serving someone else. (Now, I will plug that Jesus had this down pretty well. Crack open that dusty bible of yours and spend some time reading: Mark 9:35 and Matthew 20:16 are great places to start.)
WIFM? You didn't think I was going to write something about how to serve anyone else without you getting some sort of win in it, did you? And I know there is NO WAY you would have read this long if you didn't think there was something in it for you. We're human.... it's okay! Good grief...no one goes into motherhood for 18 years of servitude not expecting some sort of payoff! You don't serve, serve, serve at work without expecting something for your dedication, right?
So here's what you get: a better you. Oh, I can hear it now. The exhales. The sigh's. The... "are you kidding me's?" It's like when I tell my older boys how proud I am of their great behavior and helpfulness at the grocery store. Their reply? "What do we get?" I tell them, "Knowing that your mom is proud of you." Oh, you should see the looks.
So in all seriousness...here are a few more "perks" of managing your "me" disease:
1. A better world with more people caring for one another.
2. A "pay it forward" mentality
3. A different perspective on things (church service isn't about you...the meeting isn't about you... your children's lives (and what they wear out the door in sprite of your best persuasion) isn't about you.
4. An opportunity to witness the miracles that are happening all around us. When we aren't so busy examining ourselves with a fine tooth comb, its amazing to see the work God is doing; faith is being strengthened, prayers are being answered.
But it all has to start with us. I believe an individual change can begin to change the world. The problem is, and I realize this contradicts the entire point of this entry...is that it starts with us (YOU!). So before you abandon the "me" disease altogether. Start with "yourself" and begin to think of others today. How can you demonstrate your own "anti-me" campaign today?
Seriously, I did really wake up with a disease. I've actually been waking up with the disease for quite some time now. It's quite manageable, actually. Sometimes, I don't seem to notice it very much and other times it really flares up. The ebb and flow can even happen in the course of a day.
I have lived with this disease since I was born and it was really, really bad as an infant, but my mom and dad did they best they could and I grew out of it...kind of. My teenage years seem to exacerbate the disease but after a few big lessons in my early adulthood, I learned how to keep the disease under wraps a little bit better. Hide it from the outside world. At the age of 30 I realized I could no longer "get happy" without treating the disease.
If you are still reading... your eyes must be the size of saucers (and quite honestly, I can't believe you didn't close out your browser window!) so I'll spill the beans now.
I've got the "me" disease. So you can cancel that 1-800-flowers order you got queued up on the other browser window and put away the "Get well soon" card. I've just got the "me" disease. You know the disease...I bet you know people who suffer from it. Here are some symptoms:
-The world according to "them."
-Enough about me, let's talk about you...what do you think of me?
-I can't help you, I'm too busy helping me!
-It's MY time.
ME, ME, ME
Do you know anyone who has ever had moments like that? After you make that mental list... go ahead and step away from the computer to do an exercise for me. Go turn on the light in the bathroom and find a mirror. Oh yes...yes I just did. I called you out. Because we all suffer from the "me" disease, somewhere inside of us...its always there!
The good news is that I found a couple of cures and ways to treat it. The bad news is that we'll always have to deal with it.
The inspiration of this entry comes from a sermon I heard from Carl Lentz, an amazing, dynamic pastor out of Hillsong New York. God is using him in mighty ways...but my favorite is for Carl's ability to tell it how it is and instead of being offended by his unorthodox approach... you're snorting in laughter!
He set the topic up by describing all of the feedback (complaints) they get from people about the church he pastors: "Can't you play some some of the older hymns?" "I can't see the screen from the back rows." "Every time I come to church I end up sitting by new people- I'm just not connecting." "I've met you 3 times and you don't remember me." "You showed a promo clip that had secular music." "The music is too loud, too soft, too fast, too slow, too heavy on drums, too heavy on guitar...." and so on. The point here is that people's feedback about the church is that it should have been more tailored to be the perfect church for them. Ahhhh....the "me" disease, revealed.
We don't have to do it in church. Don't we do it everywhere? The meetings are too boring, the conference calls too early, the body pump instructor too perky, the Kindergarten teacher too demanding. The sun is too bright, the sun isn't out enough, the sun is killing my lawn. My neighbors are too nosy, my neighbors never socialize with us. Ahhhh....the "me" disease.
The problem is, the world wasn't just made for us. (News flash, I know.) It's not about us, all the time. But hey, for those of you who like to beat yourself over the head with a cast iron skillet, keep in mind that we are ALL created in a fallen world and are victim to this disease.
So now that we have it, what do we do to "manage it?"
Keep the focus off of us. (Even as I write this, I'm cracking up at how bad I am about this. My husband would be the first to tell you.) OK, seriously, enough about ME.... back to how to fix you! Do you SEE how easy it is to keep the focus on ourselves? How does this affect me????? Right? Okay, well you have to defer the focus from you...when you do, it forces you to focus on others.
I believe mothers have an easier shot at this because from the moment we realize we are carrying life, we must shift from our selfish desires and focus on our growing child. We abstain from alcohol, tobacco, drugs, ibuprofen, and whatever else the doctor orders! (That was not my personal list, by the way.) When a child is born we quickly learn that life is no longer about us. Rather, it's about our newborn child and we can even go to the extreme end of the spectrum, taking the focus off ourselves because it is now poured out on our child. (This would include forgetting to eat, shower, shave, give attention to our husbands... can I get an Amen up in here?)
So how do we keep the focus off ourselves if we aren't mothers or Jesus resurrected? Easy. Focus on others. It will take some muscle memory, but its impossible to serve yourself equally while you are serving someone else. (Now, I will plug that Jesus had this down pretty well. Crack open that dusty bible of yours and spend some time reading: Mark 9:35 and Matthew 20:16 are great places to start.)
WIFM? You didn't think I was going to write something about how to serve anyone else without you getting some sort of win in it, did you? And I know there is NO WAY you would have read this long if you didn't think there was something in it for you. We're human.... it's okay! Good grief...no one goes into motherhood for 18 years of servitude not expecting some sort of payoff! You don't serve, serve, serve at work without expecting something for your dedication, right?
So here's what you get: a better you. Oh, I can hear it now. The exhales. The sigh's. The... "are you kidding me's?" It's like when I tell my older boys how proud I am of their great behavior and helpfulness at the grocery store. Their reply? "What do we get?" I tell them, "Knowing that your mom is proud of you." Oh, you should see the looks.
So in all seriousness...here are a few more "perks" of managing your "me" disease:
1. A better world with more people caring for one another.
2. A "pay it forward" mentality
3. A different perspective on things (church service isn't about you...the meeting isn't about you... your children's lives (and what they wear out the door in sprite of your best persuasion) isn't about you.
4. An opportunity to witness the miracles that are happening all around us. When we aren't so busy examining ourselves with a fine tooth comb, its amazing to see the work God is doing; faith is being strengthened, prayers are being answered.
But it all has to start with us. I believe an individual change can begin to change the world. The problem is, and I realize this contradicts the entire point of this entry...is that it starts with us (YOU!). So before you abandon the "me" disease altogether. Start with "yourself" and begin to think of others today. How can you demonstrate your own "anti-me" campaign today?
Friday, March 2, 2012
What was I thinking?
I don't know about you, but I am fairly certain that we are not all created to run. Run to get the front door? Sure. Run across a street to collect a child from being hit by a "going way too fast, driven by a teenager" car? Sure. But I'm talking about long distance running. You know.... like marathons.
I bring this up because up until this point, the farthest I have ever run is 7.2 miles. I know this because I ran a 12k last spring and when my husband (a marathoner) asked me how I felt afterwards, I replied "I would rather give birth any day of the week than run that far ever again." They (runners.... and yes, I am lumping you ALL TOGETHER) say that there is supposed to be some runner's "high" that kicks in; when it does, THEY say you could run for miles and miles. Whatever. Apparently the "high" comes after 7.21 miles because I have yet to experience it. However, much like labor, the more time that passes, the more distant the grueling memory becomes and you forget how much work it is. So what did I do? Signed up for another race. Not just another 12k... no...I'm getting close to the big 4-0 so I need to prove something. And since a car seat, booster seat, 2 backpacks, a tub of toys and Costco load of groceries won't fit in a bright yellow convertible, I signed up for a 1/2 marathon instead.
Friggin nuts. What was I thinking? To hold myself accountable (or to show off, I'm still not quite sure which,) I roped two of my dear friends into it as well. So now we're stuck... all of us training to run farther than we ever have before in our whole lives. At this point, I'd still vote to squat on the sidelines and give birth instead. I'm just not a runner. I was explaining it to my husband last night as I gimped up the stairs, my joints already lubed with Ibuprofin; I just don't think my body was designed to run. I pondered that maybe my ancestors were city/village folk... you know...over time we adapted to just walking and running short distances? Unfortunately I recalled that on both sides of the family, I come from a long line of farmers which blew my theory. My husband, on the other side, might actually be related to African tribesman who used to run from village to village delivering news. Now, while half of his family hails from England I very much doubt that is the case, but you get the comparison? He whittles out 10 miles in about the same effort as my one mile...same amount of sweat...same heart rate...but only one of us is smiling.
And so, you can find me at least 3 mornings a week plodding along the treadmill. I had surgery about 3 weeks ago and it was doctor's orders "no running" for two weeks. Delight! Ahhh...that is, until I realized the race was in just 12 weeks. So this week I eeked out 2 miles.... then I eeked out 2.5 miles...and then I got so mad at my lackluster performances that yesterday I told myself I wasn't getting off the treadmill until the time was up. 60 minutes and 5.5 miles later... I looked like a wild and crazed drunk with a perspiration problem! The text to my husband and reading partners read: "Well, 5.5 miles done. My sinuses feel like I sniffed jetliner fluid and no one will use the treadmills next to me, but I did it."
Does this entry have a point? Yes, here it is. I think when people train or set out to do anything that requires more than they are capable of, it takes a lot of motivation. I find it fascinating what tools we whip out of our belt to help keep us on track of our goals. For some, they need very little motivation. Some are rigid "rule followers" and can stay disciplined (oh, how I envy you self-motivated ones!) Some people need others to hold them accountable. Because let's face it, when the going gets tough...where do you turn or lean to press on?
So for me, I have a funny visual: I picture Jesus straight ahead of me. You know the one... his long robes flowing, his arms outstretched with the sun rays illuminating the sky behind him? I don't think he's blonde like the one so many people grew up with in Sunday school, but he's definitely got the blue-eyed thing going for him in my image. So I put him against the farthest wall of wherever I am running and I stare at him. Nut job, or not, it helps give me a momentary boost and I abandon the feelings of "I think I'm going to barf a lung or fall off the back of this treadmill) by pretend to run straight into the arms of Jesus.
This used to work for me. Really well. Here's the problem...the ephihany...the revelation that just blew the whole idea up:
"If I place Jesus in front of me, with his arms outstretched.... but I'm not done running my race then I never reach him."
Do you see the problem? If he's on the wall and I'm on the treadmill... he's a fixed image and since I'm just a hamster on a rotating wheel...I never advance to him. If I am on a track or a path... he's like a mirage in the dessert that I never get to. How unsatisfying. How un-motivating. How untruthful.
"And surely I am with you, always, even to the end of days." - Matthew 28:20
You see, when we put our faith in Jesus...he promises to be with us always...to never leave us or forsake us. So to try and visualize running into his arms (without reaching him) is an empty promise...set up to fail ...especially about the goodness of God. Why would we run towards something we could never get? Sadly, I think a lot of us chase things and never reach them. Or, chase the right things but stare at the wrong target.
In my case, I'm so thankful I had the mind-blowing revelation when I did. At least now I know that although I had the right "target," I had put him in the wrong place. I mean, the only way that would have worked is if Jesus could come back in person and stand at the finish line for me to literally run into as I finished. Oh, and he would need to be omnipresent and so entirely huge (think Jack and the Giant Beanstalk huge) so I could see him from 13.2 miles away when I began my half marathon.
So how did I solve this? I took Jesus off the wall and put him on the treadmill next to me. Might as well, doesn't appear that ANYONE wants to jog next to me after about mile 4 (does anyone remember Phoebe's running episode on the TV show "Friends?" Close my friends, close.)
Yep, I put Jesus, sandals and all, right on the treadmill next to me. I figure if I gotta train for this race, he's going to do it with me. Every step of the way. My Jesus is wearing Teva's, just in case you were wondering because I think leather flip-flops would be very unsafe. It doesn't even bother me that he does it effortlessly. Or that he's probably been running for 2012 years and his robe isn't sweaty. Even better...he doesn't need to chat away while I'm trying to not cough up a lung... I selfishly need every ounce of oxygen I can get. Great running partner. In all seriousness, however, I don't have to run to the prize and be let down...I already have the prize....and he's right beside me.... always.
Where is a place in your life that you need to take down the prize and place it beside you?
I bring this up because up until this point, the farthest I have ever run is 7.2 miles. I know this because I ran a 12k last spring and when my husband (a marathoner) asked me how I felt afterwards, I replied "I would rather give birth any day of the week than run that far ever again." They (runners.... and yes, I am lumping you ALL TOGETHER) say that there is supposed to be some runner's "high" that kicks in; when it does, THEY say you could run for miles and miles. Whatever. Apparently the "high" comes after 7.21 miles because I have yet to experience it. However, much like labor, the more time that passes, the more distant the grueling memory becomes and you forget how much work it is. So what did I do? Signed up for another race. Not just another 12k... no...I'm getting close to the big 4-0 so I need to prove something. And since a car seat, booster seat, 2 backpacks, a tub of toys and Costco load of groceries won't fit in a bright yellow convertible, I signed up for a 1/2 marathon instead.
Friggin nuts. What was I thinking? To hold myself accountable (or to show off, I'm still not quite sure which,) I roped two of my dear friends into it as well. So now we're stuck... all of us training to run farther than we ever have before in our whole lives. At this point, I'd still vote to squat on the sidelines and give birth instead. I'm just not a runner. I was explaining it to my husband last night as I gimped up the stairs, my joints already lubed with Ibuprofin; I just don't think my body was designed to run. I pondered that maybe my ancestors were city/village folk... you know...over time we adapted to just walking and running short distances? Unfortunately I recalled that on both sides of the family, I come from a long line of farmers which blew my theory. My husband, on the other side, might actually be related to African tribesman who used to run from village to village delivering news. Now, while half of his family hails from England I very much doubt that is the case, but you get the comparison? He whittles out 10 miles in about the same effort as my one mile...same amount of sweat...same heart rate...but only one of us is smiling.
And so, you can find me at least 3 mornings a week plodding along the treadmill. I had surgery about 3 weeks ago and it was doctor's orders "no running" for two weeks. Delight! Ahhh...that is, until I realized the race was in just 12 weeks. So this week I eeked out 2 miles.... then I eeked out 2.5 miles...and then I got so mad at my lackluster performances that yesterday I told myself I wasn't getting off the treadmill until the time was up. 60 minutes and 5.5 miles later... I looked like a wild and crazed drunk with a perspiration problem! The text to my husband and reading partners read: "Well, 5.5 miles done. My sinuses feel like I sniffed jetliner fluid and no one will use the treadmills next to me, but I did it."
Does this entry have a point? Yes, here it is. I think when people train or set out to do anything that requires more than they are capable of, it takes a lot of motivation. I find it fascinating what tools we whip out of our belt to help keep us on track of our goals. For some, they need very little motivation. Some are rigid "rule followers" and can stay disciplined (oh, how I envy you self-motivated ones!) Some people need others to hold them accountable. Because let's face it, when the going gets tough...where do you turn or lean to press on?
So for me, I have a funny visual: I picture Jesus straight ahead of me. You know the one... his long robes flowing, his arms outstretched with the sun rays illuminating the sky behind him? I don't think he's blonde like the one so many people grew up with in Sunday school, but he's definitely got the blue-eyed thing going for him in my image. So I put him against the farthest wall of wherever I am running and I stare at him. Nut job, or not, it helps give me a momentary boost and I abandon the feelings of "I think I'm going to barf a lung or fall off the back of this treadmill) by pretend to run straight into the arms of Jesus.
This used to work for me. Really well. Here's the problem...the ephihany...the revelation that just blew the whole idea up:
"If I place Jesus in front of me, with his arms outstretched.... but I'm not done running my race then I never reach him."
Do you see the problem? If he's on the wall and I'm on the treadmill... he's a fixed image and since I'm just a hamster on a rotating wheel...I never advance to him. If I am on a track or a path... he's like a mirage in the dessert that I never get to. How unsatisfying. How un-motivating. How untruthful.
"And surely I am with you, always, even to the end of days." - Matthew 28:20
You see, when we put our faith in Jesus...he promises to be with us always...to never leave us or forsake us. So to try and visualize running into his arms (without reaching him) is an empty promise...set up to fail ...especially about the goodness of God. Why would we run towards something we could never get? Sadly, I think a lot of us chase things and never reach them. Or, chase the right things but stare at the wrong target.
In my case, I'm so thankful I had the mind-blowing revelation when I did. At least now I know that although I had the right "target," I had put him in the wrong place. I mean, the only way that would have worked is if Jesus could come back in person and stand at the finish line for me to literally run into as I finished. Oh, and he would need to be omnipresent and so entirely huge (think Jack and the Giant Beanstalk huge) so I could see him from 13.2 miles away when I began my half marathon.
So how did I solve this? I took Jesus off the wall and put him on the treadmill next to me. Might as well, doesn't appear that ANYONE wants to jog next to me after about mile 4 (does anyone remember Phoebe's running episode on the TV show "Friends?" Close my friends, close.)
Yep, I put Jesus, sandals and all, right on the treadmill next to me. I figure if I gotta train for this race, he's going to do it with me. Every step of the way. My Jesus is wearing Teva's, just in case you were wondering because I think leather flip-flops would be very unsafe. It doesn't even bother me that he does it effortlessly. Or that he's probably been running for 2012 years and his robe isn't sweaty. Even better...he doesn't need to chat away while I'm trying to not cough up a lung... I selfishly need every ounce of oxygen I can get. Great running partner. In all seriousness, however, I don't have to run to the prize and be let down...I already have the prize....and he's right beside me.... always.
Where is a place in your life that you need to take down the prize and place it beside you?
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