This too shall pass

You know that phase of working out when you decide to finally listen to all of those personal trainers and add some weight training because you know that it will benefit your life in so many ways?

1.  You'll burn more calories throughout the day because muscle burns more than fat.
2.  You'll be less prone to injuries because you'll have increased strength.
3.  When you stop waving goodbye at the school bus, your underarm will no longer continue to jiggle back and forth for another 10 seconds.

Okay...great...

Now, you know that phase of working out when you start to add muscle but the fat you have from taking the summer off is still there so now the fat is actually being pushed out because you're building muscle dimension underneath it?

Yeah, that's the part...where things aren't fitting right and starting to spill over like some sick and wrong science experiment?

Yes, okay, now we are on the same page.  This sucks!

This too shall pass.... because it just will.
Because life is always in motion...transforming us.....from season to season...
(and because I know the trainer is right... eventually my muscle will refine, I will lose the fat and voila... I will fit into skinny jeans without losing the ability to breathe.)  Hmmmm.....

It reminds me of labor.  And pregnancy for that matter.

Some women keep their body shape and simply look like they stuffed a basketball into their shirt when the finally turn sideways and you can see that they are carrying a full-grown infant inside their body.  They gain, what... 18 pounds?  Yeah, I gain 18 pounds within the time it takes me to pee on a stick and see that little plus sign and hop the scale.  Seriously... its like my hips heard the news and set up a tail gating party for me... I could have grown a pony keg instead of a baby.

As any mom knows, those 40 weeks DO NOT fly by...there is nothing fast about it...

until contractions start.  Suddenly you are faced with the fact that it is the end of your pregnancy... at those very moments when the contractions become regular... you are done being pregnant.

Only, of course, to enter a phase of complete unknown duration...and can I just add....that time does not fly by either.  Oh sure, chunks of hours will dissipate off the clock and you won't even believe that its time for a shift change (or two, or three) for the hospital nurses and staff but that is only because you're being overtaken with a pain inside your body that causes all other coherent motor functions to cease.

I'll never forget my first labor; how could I?  After all, I have THIRTY HOURS of memories in which to choose from.  Unbeknownst to me I had pneumonia so between the coughing and the hacking I was pretty weary by time we even rolled into the hospital.  I'm not sure whether  peeing amniotic fluid every time I coughed or the puking up orange popsicle was more special (aka disturbing) for my husband to witness.  (We don't talk about that much.... I'm not sure he has time for his own therapy appointments these days.)

I pushed for 3 hours and 45 minutes.  Yes...that's right.  We had to get a Dr's permission to continue without a C-section but by that point, the guy's head was pretty well stuck in there.  (The baby not the doctor.)  No forceps or anything like that needed.... just one ginormous head for which I will never be able to join my kids at SkyHigh trampoline for.  (Love him...just love him.)  His head was over the 100% percentile... dear Jesus I hope he becomes a rocket scientist with that noggin of his.

When you are in the throes of it... you don't see the other side.  Your perspective is limited to what you see around you...the sights, smells and emotions.  That pushing was going to last forever... I mean c'mon...one hour of pushing and I have the "size of a dime" visible to my midwife?  I should have had a friggin buffet plate after all my effort.

But that's just it.  It's only our effort.  That is the best we can do.  That is all we can do.  And this too...shall pass.  This season...shall pass.  These trials...shall pass....  My insanely exaggerated muffin top and bulging thigh area...shall pass (or be surgically removed but you get my point.)

God's perspective is eternal.  He sees you in this specific season, trial, tribulation, pit, weariness, teariness, etc....but he also sees what lies ahead.

This too shall pass.

I love what pastor Jennifer Kraker  said earlier this week when talking about seasons of life, "its like our side view mirrors when we are driving- they read 'Objects in mirror are closer than they appear'."

My child was finally born and in retrospect, it was the blink of an eye that I now have a 9, 6 and 3 year -old set of incredible boys.  Sunnier days are closer than they appear.  Sleepless nights w/ an infant are closer than they appear.  This funk you are in, the implosion of carpools, team practices and PTA obligations you are in...shall too pass... the light at the end of the tunnel is closer than it appears.  You do your part... plod on.... do the best you know how AND ask God to handle the rest.

You do the natural...Jesus takes care of the supernatural.

And yes, its perfectly okay to pray for supernatural skinny thighs.  Amen!

The solution for over-committed families

After another over-loaded, over-committed Turnley weekend, lets just say I didn't wake up feeling refreshed.  There was no "Carpe Diem!"

Hungover?  No.

Just plain under-rested, over-scheduled?  Yes.
(And, since if you were a therapist taking notes giving me that look, would I also admit I stayed up too late catching up on Facebook?  Okay, FINE... Yes... YES.... YES I DID!)

(And why oh why do I have an obsession about making sure I "like" everyone's posts??? Cyber-praise?)

At least by 9:30pm I told myself to go to bed and read before my novel was due back at the library.
(What, you were hoping I'd say I was in the middle of some great biography...or more laughable... a parenting book?)

Bahhhaaa..  Haaa... haaaa!

No.  I can't read those books at night; they get me all riled up stack-ranking myself against people who have a book written about them (as if that's comparable.... as IF I'm supposed to be ranking myself AT ALL!) or condemning myself for being a slacker parent (curse you, parenting book authors!)

So, no.... a novel.... and thank goodness, lights were out at 10:22, I was out by 10:30 (near record) and don't remember a thing until Regan shook me awake at 7:08 a.m.

I know many would argue that is a ton of sleep.  Oh no, my friends, that is the MINIMUM this mamasita needs to make it each day when my husband is out of town.  A 3 on 1 power play, ESPN would argue, is complete zone defense... I mean... game ON!

Factor in a "normal" night sleep without any waking up for sleep-walkers, bed-wetters or bad-dreams and you're waking up playing at par, you know?

Women, bear with me through all the sports analogies... I can't just talk about contractions, shaving and trips to the bus stop and expect my guy readers to make it through. 

Track back to the weekend... busy.  BUSY!  A mellow Friday night but partially because every Friday we're committed to sitting in traffic for 35 minutes to travel 4.5 miles to scour (politely) with 150 other SUV's for one of 125 parking stalls so that my six year old can learn to play soccer in 30 minutes and then scrimmage for another 30 minutes.  Oh yes, right at 5:30 on a Friday night.  There's no casual conversation at 5:35... its "MOVE, MOVE, MOVE" so we can try and get out of the lot before... you guessed it.... all the other cars.  Race, race race to get home because we're pretty sure the chicken in the oven is now jerky OR a fire-starter.  Phew, just dehydrated...chuck some sauce on it and it will be fine! What else can we microwave to throw some sort of food resembling a dinner onto the table by 7:15...which oh by the way, is my 3 year old's BEDTIME!

I'm no therapist, but I'm beginning to see why my kids are so high strung....hmmmmm..... 

Up Saturday morning to a soccer game.... go son go.... then in the car to Cle Elum for a family reunion.  Five bodies in one small room.... mmmmm.... good nighttime memories of NO SLEEP and let's not forget that we can't REALLY be ourselves in the morning because oh, that's right, we're around extended family.... so I pray silently to myself that no one is a "top of the mornin' to you" kind of cheery-o leprechaun because I fear I might kick them if they talk to me in the morning.

(Disclaimer: if you are reading this and are related to me I truly did have a good time and enjoyed seeing everyone but no one wants to read a sappy blog.. I might as well post my homemade flaxseed cookies and child's artwork.)

Roll up the sleeping bags... search for socks, iPods and baseball hats because its 1..2.... 3... strikes your out, gotta get the kids to the old....Mariner's ball..... game for our nephew's Birthday Party at Safeco Field.  Yes.  In Seattle.  Yes... that is 80 miles West of Cle Elum.  Yes... it does take 30 minutes to cover the first 4 miles of unpaved roads in the mini-van.  Yes, we also own a 4-runner.  Yes...that WOULD have been a better vehicle to take off-road in Cle Elum but duh.... we have 3 children and can't go on a road trip in an SUV unless we duct taped them to the ski rack on top.

Back from the park-n-ride after child drop-off to go home and unload.  Must get unpacked and littlest one down for a nap before we turn around to pick the other kiddos UP from the baseball game party.  Mommy was too tired (heaven forbid) to get all 7 loads of laundry done before we left so I better get into overdrive and get that done or daddy has no underwear for his trip to Chicago.  T-minus 4 hours and counting til Daddy needs to catch that flight...wash, wash, wash!!!  3 duffle bags unloaded and we did it!  Just 22 miles one way to pick up the kids.... ooooh....gooodie.... arrived just in time for the sugar crash and the effects of sleep deprivation and stimulus overload.... yeah me!!!

Back to home.
Reality.

I'm wiped.  My boys are wiped.  I am on a POWER PLAY.  Zone defense.  Bring it (again)!

1.  Top Ramen for dinner.  With fruit slices on a plate because it's not like I lost MY MIND, after all.
2.  Zone out time.  That meant one played in their room alone.  One watched football on TV and one took a shower so long that it ran the hot water tank out.  So what.
3.  Upstairs to read at 7:15.  That's right.  45 minutes early.

Unwind... Turnley family...unwind.....

I don't have passive, pleaser children...so let's not kid ourselves.  That evening included about 4 fits, one "I hate you" and even one "I feel like killing myself all because of you!" (stomp, stomp, stomp.)

Developmentally tracking for their age?  Check.

But, I know that sleep deprivation is a form of torture in some countries.  I also know that we subject patients to a strobe light to induce seizures and I'm pretty sure some of our days feel like a strobe light to  my children.... and me!

And so.... we rested.  As best as we could.  As best as we knew how... the Turnley family isn't going to go from Mock 90 to zen in a day.  But, we do believe:


Psalm 23:2-3 New Living Translation (NLT)
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3     He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.

God WANTS US to have some down time.  Are our days numbered?  Yes.  Is our life over in an instant?  Yes.  Are we supposed to make the most of every day?  Yes, but it doesn't mean we aren't to be INTENTIONAL about our down time, either.

And so we chilled.

You know, I had a COMPLETELY different idea about what my point was when I started ...obviously, God wanted to take it somewhere else.  Perhaps it was just for my own sake... to see how truly fast and hard we run as a family... to give ourselves more grace to be still.  Unwind.  Chill.  Maybe it's even okay to (gasp) sit and watch a football game on TV with my boys.  (Although I refuse to do that hands down the pants thing.)  And although my laundry multiplied like bunnies, I swear.... no one went without clothing for 48 hours while I ignored my laundry.

Maybe I was writing this for someone else...because often I don't think my own life is out of balance at all, but when I hear about someone else' life its easy for me to think, "Girl... you need to learn how to say No!  I could never keep my kids up that late!"  (I love how easy it is to see everyone else's problems..I'm so GOOD at it!)

Whatever the case, I have to trust that this was supposed to be the material I post.  I know if I re-read this... it will never make it past the editing floor.

Loyal readers... will you PLEASE speak up on FB or at the end of my post and let me know if this spoke to you?  I pray I was simply being "the vehicle."

 Cause it's either that or I'm thinkin' I need even more sleep!!!

Curious...how do you play a role in helping your family maintain balance?  Post your thoughts!

Am I laughing? Am I crying?

A memoir of all parents....

The night before I was scheduled to check in to Central Dupage Hospital in Wheaton, Illinois, I didn't sleep a wink.  Well, probably a wink, but not much after that.  Tossing and turning.  Flipping my pillow.  Waking at the sound of a plane flying 30 miles away.  When a thunderstorm rolled through at 4:15 in the morning I just called it a night and got up.

I was scheduled to deliver my 3rd son the following day and well, I was anxious!  I already had two incredibly healthy sons with great deliveries but nonetheless, knowing you are going to wake up the following morning and be in LABOR does seem to bring about a sense of restlessness.  Anticipation.  Calculating, mentally making a list....checking it twice...

Did I pack my this, my that?
Does the neighbor have my contact numbers?
Is someone getting my mom from the airport?

It was much like that same restless feeling last night as I lay awake...the night before the first day of school.  With my husband having left for an East Coast trip earlier that evening, there was a sense of "Rosie the Riveter" within my spirit.  I was on my own, taking on new frontier... in a new era.... (I'm cracking myself up!)  No....seriously....

Could I get my 9 year old out the door without any wardrobe malfunctions and a lunch that included some sort of nutrition for his newly adhered braces?

Could I wake my late-sleeping 1st grader up in time to clothe and eat without missing the bus (and remembering his underwear?)

Would my 3 year old son demand his usual amount of attention and go with the flow or fight the current?

Could I shower, dry hair and apply some resemblance of makeup to be proud of those first day of school pictures and not want to try and photo-shop myself out?

That line of thinking got me through until I saw midnight on the alarm clock.  Then my friend "memory lane" stopped in for a visit.... recalling the high and low points of the summer; road trips, swimming at Pine Lake, zoo trips, shaking in our boots to the roar of the Blue Angels.... blueberry picking, summer baseball and trips to Costco that took 2 hours and ended with tossing 23 sample cups into the trash at the exit.  Ahhhh....those summer days.  The outbursts, mommy-is-losing-her-mind-episodes and clashing of the minds seemed to fade into the night air.  The "I'm bored," "this is the worst day ever," "there is nothing to do," "I want a new mom" comments grew distant and not nearly as stinging as they were the days they were spoken these past 10 weeks.

Then the ghost of the present came to visit and we looked onward to the future..... I would be able to take showers longer than 10 minutes, shop at Target without coercion or breakdowns and eat a lunch that did not originally start as a whole sandwich on my son's plate.  Why, I could sit down and read a magazine.... unload the entire dishwasher at once and even....WRITE!  Read a book...or  two...or even visit the big people section of the library!  I could SHAVE MY LEGS!!!!

Of course the mere thoughts of having all of my children in some sort of school or napping for a combined for 13 hours a week got me so excited that I definitely saw 12:30 am....and 1:00 am.

And so here I am, bleary eyed, writing to you.  Jacked up and down on 2 cups of coffee, an Americano and a Diet Coke... a heartfelt "share" with all of the other parents out there today....

They are on the bus.  I teared... my voice cracked as I waved and said "Goodbye" as they stepped away from me.  I hollered a hoopla after the bus pulled away.  Then, of course, I immediately posted all of the pictures on Facebook and wistfully scrolled through everyone else's first day pictures.  I envisioned every other parent's struggle between "cheers and tears."  While I cannot deny that there is a rightfully selfish woman inside of me who is ready to exhale after holding her breath for 10 weeks, I am gripped by the fact that when that bus pulled away this morning, it forced my children to get older.  It was no longer an option for my 6 year old to attend school half the day.  My fourth grader needs that playground adrenaline rush found only in hurling inflated balls at their opposing teammates heads in a action-packed game of Dodgeball and yes, even my 3 year old will need the heartfelt love of a teacher who actually enjoys craft time.

Time really does fly.  And at times, it really does slow down.  And its perfectly okay to cry and laugh at the same time today.  It's a changing of the guards, a reddening of the green leaves as the cool morning air ushers in a new season.

I for one will be trying my best not to immediately pack my calendar full of things (as I write that I'm such a hypocrite...but working to get a free day in here soon!!!) so that I can "take inventory" of the ME that existed before children.  What has been put on the shelf?  What do I have more time for?  How can I best prepare for this next season?

I hope that all of you parents (and parents in the making) have had a wonderful day or for my Midwest and East Coast readers... I know you just did this a few weeks ago.... but I encourage you to embrace the day and the transition for what it is....such a wonderful passage of time... a chance to reflect on the great memories...let the bad ones fade away and embrace the addition of time deposited back into your daily accounts.  A word of caution to not immediately throw oneself into your entire to-do list without checking to see if some of that is even relevant!  Just as our children have grown...so have we!

Congrats to all...and now.... I must go meet the bus and capture some more Facebook-bound photographs as my children disembark from their first day of "being older."  :)