Thank you and Goodnight

That term is always one of my favorites if I've pulled off the one-liner of the evening; "Thank you and goodnight.  You've been great, really.  Don't forget to tip your waitress."  Once reigning as the Queen of wit, I used it often.  Of course now, with mommy brain atrophe, its either seldom that I pull a witty comment out of my... ahem, pocket... or, my wit goes completely unnoticed by the trio of boys I share my days with.

It's a funny term though, when you think about it because in so many ways, it implies that we're done.  As if we had nothing else to give.  When performers use it, it truly is at the end of their act or routine.  When I use the term, it's to get more kicks and giggles from my social audience (which probably consists of another couple who have come over for dinner and wine but hey, that is the biggest over-the-age-of-18 audience I may get all week.  Of course I'm going to show off!)  But for the most part, when someone says it, you know they are done; they won't be coming back unless you clap wildly enough that they come back for one or two more songs, jokes or whatever they charged you entirely too much to witness.

So, without getting too deep, the point is that we all have more than we think within us.  This was really tested last week when I went through what felt like a week of "Corporate Wife Bootcamp."  The weird thing is, I'm not a rookie when it comes to being at home with the kiddos while Chris travels.  In fact, I'm the one offering up advice to newer "corporate wives" which mostly entails me lecturing husbands in front of their wives to "never discuss the exquisitive meal you just ate, the luxury hotel you just checked in to or the quiet flight you just flew on until you are BACK home and have helped out with the kids and the house.  Pour your wife a glass of wine, let her sit down and then tell her all about it."

Since I have NO EXPECTATIONS that anyone, including myself, would read a long-wided blog about ANYTHING, let me recap my week, knowing that I will talk about this in more detail down the road:

1.  Nolan recovering from broken collar bone.
2.  Regan diagnosed with severe sinus infection.
3.  Home officially goes on the market.
4.  Evan picked up from Bible Study childcare with ruptured eardrum - 90 minute doctor office wait
5.  Receive offer on home.
6.  Negotiate offer on home.  (Oh yes, that is an entirely different line on my list of chaos...its MY list!)
7.  Clean home for 3 hours with help to make it "sparkle" for Broker's Open House in case offer falls through.
8.  Awaken 5 times in night; 3 toddler wakes, 1 nightmare and a wet bed
8.  Stay out of home during toddler's nap time for Open House.
9.  Back to doctor; Evan bleeding out ear again and has croup.
10. 4 night wakings; 2 toddler, 1 nightmare and a wet bed.  No, not a typo from above.  :)
11.  Rehabbing a torn deltoid muscle in my shoulder and elbow tendonitis at the same time. 
Yeah... MEMORIES!!!!

OK... so the reality is last week really was one for the books.  And yes, in case you are wondering...Chris was gone for that list.  And this is not to throw my wonderful, loving, amazing husband under the bus... just tellin' you like it is. 

The amazing thing about the human spirit, is that we truck on.  I didn't die...although I thought I would at times.  But here's a cheer to our good God who built us with that sense of "fight or flight" because my body definitely kicked in to both and we got the job done last week.  There were so many times I wanted to cry out "Thank you and Good night" yet my body and spirit chugged along with amazing resilience.  I would be lying through my 3x braces teeth if I told you that I didn't suffer any implications from the intensity of the week.  I broke out with a cold sore (first in 5 years, man those are ugly!,) my body felt as if it got ran over by the UPS truck and I wasn't much more than a lump on the couch on Saturday afternoon.  But, we got through it. 

So here's my takeaway.  Whatever you think you have going on in your life one, know that other people are dodging bullets and you aren't alone.  Two, you are going to make it.  Just make sure you have some delivery menus nearby, relinquish the thought of all 4 food groups being served at once and press-in to your inner strength.  The world wants you to cry "Uncle."  You have it in you to give an encore.

Thank you and good night.  You've been great.  Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Failure

So I must admit, there was some horrible, selfish, prideful part of me that was delighted when I saw that people actually read my first post.  Sick and wrong, I know;  after all, this was just supposed to save me therapy money, right?  Actually, a funny thing happened the day after I wrote it... I became consumed with the prospect of writing another entry!  Ideas rolled into my head like a waves crashing in a coastal storm... I couldn't wait to get back to writing the next day but alas, time eluded me and by time I had visited the pediatrician for a double appointment (including shots, no less,) met with a real estate photographer for 90 minutes, completed my preschool carpool responsibilities, 2 quick errands and a physical therapy appointment well... it was me and a fine glass of wine, not the keyboard, that were destined to be together last night.

I'm glad I waited... there is a recurring thought that has bubbled up inside of me the last couple of days.  A theme if you will, mostly for those English majors who are intuitively grading my writing (and good luck, there is not enough red Sharpie for this bad boy!)  I also should mention that if you are linear like me, then you might be irked to learn we aren't talking more about goal setting.  For the love of the Lord, this isn't a "how to" blog so just know I may come back to goal setting...but transition with me over to my bubbling theme for a few minutes here. 

This last fall and as we open into 2011 have been a season of unexpected circumstances.  I'm learning that when life changes up hard and fast, I make a lot of mistakes.  Especially during intense periods and whooo wee... we are enduring some intense (but exciting no less) life right now!  And we've all heard that if life throws you lemons, you make lemonade.  Life isn't so much what happens to us, it certainly doesn't define us.  It is what we do with it; how we react and more importantly, how we classify our experiences.  Are they traumatic?  Dehabilitating?  Or are they learning experiences?  How do we view failure?  I know I certainly take failures and button them onto my sleeve as if to identify myself by them.  I wear them personally instead of taking them as an opportunity to have a "growth spurt" in that area.  Yes, I eventually get there but why do I spend so much time beating myeslf up over it? 

Because I make it about me.  It was my idea, my doing and my failure.  What's worse is that I do NOT claim the same about my successes.  Now those, whether my idea or not, are clearly God's act of work, not mine.  Or, I assume a humility about the work accomplished as if it were no big deal.  Why is that?  Why do we brush off the success but confine ourselves, associate ourselves...wallow in our defeats?  How many times have I offered up the advice, "We learn more in the valleys than the mountaintops."  Dang nab...its true...I should listen to myself more often!

Now here is the clincher.  We will fail.  Time and time again.  In many circumstances I have tricked myself into thinking if I don't try, then I can't fail.  Wrong.  I failed by not trying... certainly can't write a book if you never start.  Can't lose those holiday pounds if you don't try (I could go on and on so I hope we got the point?)  So you see, you just need to decide what you want to be faced with failing at.  Because like I mentioned, failure is just an opportunity for a growth spurt if you fail while trying.  I'm very much reminded of my son Evan's all-time (a-hem, he's 16 months old) favorite song by Toby Mac, Get Back Up.  It's lyrics go:

"So if you lose your way, you get back up again.  It's never too late, to get back up again.  One day, you gonna shine again.  You may get knocked down but not down forever."

So maybe this applies to an entire season of your life right now.  Maybe it applies to a journey you're afraid to take.  I guess as it relates to the New Year, maybe it's a call to step onto the road less traveled, the one that looks like it needs a good weedwacker and certainly doesn't come with a GPS.  Maybe you just need to get in the car and start up the old engine, check to see if Bessie is still running.  I know for me its just a personal, but relief-filled way to know that at least I am trying!  No matter what, I think its just a good reminder that God doesn't let us master everything we put our hands to the first time.  If we did, we'd never really be able to see his work in our lives.

And would you look at that, you COULD tie this back in to goal setting if you wanted to.  :)
Happy failing!

I thought blogging was one big Facebook status update

So this is it... my very first blog post and I actually had to narrow down the dozen of topics I was going to post as my first entry.  This is big, right?  I mean, this blog will be read my mom and husband... we're talking BIG READER BASE so certainly I have to put hours of thought and focus into this, right?  :)

Not that I haven't been in print before but this is what is coming out of MY head, without any editor sending it back for a re-write.  Actually, a scary thought; there are thousands of people just blogging what is in their head; who has time to read other people's thoughts anyway? 

Well, I thought I would treat myself (and you if you are reading this) to my first blog post after I finished writing an article for the website I contribute to.  You see, January is all about resolutions and after having a great, but daunting conversation on New Year's Eve with my husband, I finally came to the realization that I needed to set some goals.  Not resolutions, goals.  And I'm scared to death!  What if I don't set the right goal?  What if I miss the mark?  I could play the fear card all day long but in truth, its just a great distraction from actually sitting down to write goals... and lets face it, why jump into something you don't necessarily want to do, but know is good for you?  You've seen the gym parking lots already... jam packed on January 3rd.  Busiest section of my gym?  The coffee lounge.  A perfect example of not quite "jumping" into the New Year resolution to get fit. 

My husband is the ULTIMATE goal setter; its truly amazing to watch him get jazzed up over this stuff.  I approached the entire topic with about as much enthusiasm as going to the dentist.  I won't get my teeth cleaned without laughing gas and I was pretty sure I didn't want to set goals without taking a hit of nitrous oxide first.  All that being said, I realized goal setting was the same as sitting down to eat an elephant.  You start one bite at a time.

So was it really that I wanted to start goal setting because I know I should?  Maybe.  I definitely got revelation that for the last few years, I haven't done any goal setting and what do you know... I haven't hit any goals either.  Because I know my mom will read this, I must give her credit to the obvious.  Yes, I have 3 boys under the age of 8; yes, I have a traveling husband and yes, we moved away from our hometown 3 years ago but still, shouldn't every person have something they are striving (in a good way) towards?  So I guess you are the lucky (I hope) recipient of my thoughts on screen so that I can achieve my goal of freelance writing but also this blog.  However, you must also know that what actually moved me to begin this journey is reading my hubby's blog post.  (Can you see it?  Hmmmph, if he can, then I can!)  I get it now.  I can't just set the goal, I have to actually DO something about it.  So here I am, at the library as its closing trying to get these words in before they kick me out. 

So seriously, enough of the intro, lets circle back to the title of this blog post and truly call this for what it is... my thoughts, on a screen... period.  For me, I consider it a $25 savings over the cost of not having to sit on a leather couch and tell someone about my very funny life living in middle class America.  By hacking away on the keyboard (I'm sure the word hacking just sent 3 FBI agents across the room to open a file on me) I can avoid the therapist, get some things off my chest and I am hoping, just hoping...to either make you laugh, cry or somewhere in between.  And maybe, just maybe there will be some revelation for you too.

Eight minutes until lockdown here at the public library... better shut down.  Oh, why write at the library?  Have you CALLED my house during the day?  Any vendor, relative, neighbor or solicitor will tell you that its hard to hear my voice when they call... so thinking coherently enough to type while my little love bugs are awake is not an option!

I shared my goal of 2011; to write more...what's yours?