Two things bad roots and big bags taught me

Oh wait, it's just Thursday.

Come to think of it, why would I "TGIF," even if it was a Friday?

Friday isn't really too different from any other weekday.  Up at 6:21 a.m. via my iPhone alarm; bleary eyed, I head to the kitchen for shift #1:

Coffee into cup.  Add creamer.  Add more creamer.  Sip.  Peel eyes open. Check.

Quiet time w/ Jesus.  (Consists of 2nd sip of coffee and out -loud prayer. "Jesus, help me this morning.")  Check.

Wake two "would rather not be woken" children out of deep sleep.  Listen to general sounds of malaise and discontent about being woken at ungodly hour.  Check.

Greet my preschooler who has absolutely no authorization to be up so early (what human can survive the world at 4 years of age on just 9 hours of sleep?) from the stairs as he sing-songs at volume LOUD, "Good morning mom!  It's 6-3-0 on my clock!"  Check.

Cook 3 breakfasts, prepare 3 variation of lunches (because 3 the human beings I grew have absolutely no food commonalities.)  Check.

One, two, three, FOUR reminders of homework in backpacks, water bottles filled, permission slips signed, shoes located, (trust me, I have bins... you just gotta USE them.)  Check.

Kisses, prayers and send two offspring out the door.  Exhale.  Check.

It doesn't really matter if it's a Friday or not.  I'm exhausted writing out my morning routine.  Don't get me started on my Saturdays.  Three boys?  Living in the land of middle-class suburbia where playing just ONE sport makes them highly unusual already?  No, our Saturdays are the epitome of "minivan shuttle service" which also provides complimentary laundering service, complimentary beverages and snacks, not to mention psychological encouragement, coaching and every so often, first-responder or basic first-aid responsibilities.  That, is on a day we're NOT volunteering for one of the teams.  (Is it sad that my husband and I both volunteered to announce our son's recent football game just so we could get some time together?)

Now I'm really exhausted as I proofread this and realize how many "lines in the sand" I've stepped... I mean PLOWED across at 65mph in my mini-van (a line in the sand itself.)

So, even if it's not a TGIF, it's another day in the life of a stay at home mom... who's primary responsibility of running the family's home is busy, to say the least.  I didn't even drop the info bomb about our hot water tank "failing" and dumping 300 gallons of water in our attic crawl space and garage below.  Did you know that drywall dust is very, very fine and gets EVERYWHERE?????

To think my husband just got the whole garage organized... now it's all loaded in a POD parked in our driveway.  :)

Onward....

I meant for this to be short...OBVIOUSLY I have some pent up feelings today... but I"m hoping just one of you have been here before and handled it better than me?

After my hair stylist and lunch date cancelled on me within 20 minutes of each other... I was bummed out this morning.  You saw my morning... I mean, where are MY Mary Jane's?  Where's MY milk and cookies?  Oh yeah, mom's have servant hearts.  Yes... yes I do.  But it's also just fine to look forward to sitting for 2 hours and having someone touch your hair that doesn't want a snack or sex, right?  Sure I gotta pay for it... but the two hours is worth it and ON TOP OF THAT I get 7 weeks of pretending I have blonde hair.  A hair-stylist that can't reschedule for another week may as well be like someone deliberately popping your child's balloon at the midway of the state fair.

Traumatizing.

Then my lunch date cancelled.  Big bummer.  Food?  Prepared?  Without having to clean up?  Total treat!  Big people convo?  Priceless.  Now, like my balloon analogy... my own lip is quivering as I fight the pity party I can feel welling up inside of me.

Pity turns to fuming.  It's like my hairdresser and friend know each other.  Really... two dates canceling in 20 minutes?  I bet THEIR going to go and have lunch.  That is just so mean.  So rude.  So.......

Wait.  What am I going to do... I've go two choices; Tailgate at the pity party or make some lemonade?

So what do I do?

Provide the BBQ and tent, of course!  I look in the mirror... I see lots of mud-colored hair... matted flat to my head from the rush of the morning shift.  I peer in closer and see the Louis-Vitton tote-bag-sized bags that have formed under my eyes.  (Sponsored in part by a dear four year old who not only needs just 9 hours of sleep but is having massive nightmares in this phase of life.)  The pounding headache is back, reminding me that indeed, I was up every 55 minutes for most of the night and that now, with this amount of REM sleep, or lack thereof, I will need to cancel my plans to join friends at a NW Wine Social at their club.  (Another  cat's meow for any mom who lives in Lycra and tenny-runners all day AND happens to LOVE fermented grapes from the NW.)

I can almost smell the BBQ at the pity party tailgate.  I have two options.  Continue down this rabbit hole or remind myself of the truth?

Having chased the rabbit down the hole several times, I realize my crossroads look familiar and decide to take a right turn... down truth lane.

LESSON #1: (for you note-takers) We don't HAVE to live this way.

What do I mean?

I don't have to spend time wallowing in my situation.  I don't have to pity.  No.  I can rise above.  And, I'm talking about some crafted Polyanna "singing bluebird" attitude either.  You don't have to pull up your own bootstraps.  If you don't have your own bible, go search online "John 14:26."  It says that Jesus sent his "advocate" for us.... the Holy Spirit... to be our helper.  So our perspective change isn't just a matter of us pasting on a smile and saying, "Oh well, I'm dusted in a fine layer of sheet rock, sleepless and am now left w/ a wide open schedule thanks to be cancelled on... I guess I'll just learn to love my roots and eat leftover Rice A Roni for lunch."  Joy.  Joy.  Joy.  No... God knew we needed the Holy Spirit to get us out of rabbit holes...give us some perspective.  Remind us to knock it off!  


2 Timothy 1:7
New Living Translation (NLT)
7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

I don't have to live by a fallen (sinful) spirit of a 40 year old whose exhausted and emotional.  No, I have the holy spirit inside of me who reminds me of who I am.  The way I explain it to my kids is that the Holy Spirit, Jesus and God have been around a LOT longer than they have... so they have a lot more time to learn how to navigate life's up and downs... stay steady and not be tempted to chase down  every rabbit.


LESSON #2:  When in doubt, always turn right down truth lane:

Here's some truth:


Psalm 139:13-16 
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Jeremiah 29:11 

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

1 John 3:1 

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 

It really doesn't matter whether my hair style is from last Tuesday and has subsequently been put in a ponytail ever since....without shampoo or water.  It doesn't matter that the bags under my eyes are bigger than my chin.  It doesn't matter that I fed my kids cereal for the last 34 breakfasts in a row (I didn't but you get my drift.)

GOD LOVES US AS WE ARE.  

He made us.  He knows.  He KNOWS.  Whether you are frustrated with this season, feeling hidden, feeling like you could host your own pity party... he knows, he loves you and wants to offer you a hand to get back up and out of the "pity toilet bowl."  You are loved.  Wholly loved.  Just as you are.  Nothing you have done this morning, this last week, year or lifetime can separate you from God's love once you reach up your hands and ask him for a big hug.


If you are like me, you might be wondering, "So, how did it turn out?  Did you post a snide FB post about your neighbor?  Throw a rock at your stylist's salon?  Will you be on Jerry Springer?"

(Sorry, cracking myself up.)

Ahhh... no.  The reality and humbling truth is that it took about 45 minutes of me piddling my time away, feeling sorry for myself before I returned to my bible and read the verses I shared with you today.  Truthfully, 45 wasted minutes that I could have been praying for someone, cooking a meal for someone, catching up with someone... all those things we think we are "too busy" for.  (Sigh.)

Finally, I turned to the truth for a change in perspective and let the holy spirit guide my thoughts.  My neighbor and hairdresser weren't conspiring.  In fact, how many times have I needed to cancel last minute?  Duh... that will give you some compassion... turn it around and realize how often you've done the same thing.  Of course we'll reschedule- can't wait to spend time with my new friend.

I found another hairdresser... I'm now back to my pre-children color.  The bags are still there but they are marks of a caring mom who stayed up through the night to be with her child.  (And I figure I'll just go to bed when they do tonight... saves me the calories of the fermented grapes and the $35 on the sitter.)

That's why I love getting God's perspective on our situations and our emotions.  He has a 94 year perspective on my life... so I don't need to be ruled by my sleep deprived, morning perspective.  I can rest in truth and know that even if my children don't appreciate me at 6:20 a.m..... even if my hairstylist has an emergency and cancels... I am wholly loved, fearfully and wonderfully made.

And you know what?  So are you. 

Do you speed-date through life?

I don't know about you, but I love a good party.  Now, what defines a "good" party for you may be different from me... and its certainly different from the kind of party I used to go in search of when I was a reckless young adult.  (So thankful for God's forgiveness... and that those days are behind me!)  So, to define... a good party to me would have:

Amazing food. (You know, the kind that is so good you don't have to eat before you arrive?  The kind that you could never have the patience to make on your own... the kind that makes Pinterest look like a valid and achievable website.)

Amazing beverages.  Fermented or not, I'm talking about mixologist wonders of the world.

Great dress attire.  I mean, what girl doesn't love dressing up???  So far, most of my life residency has consisted of Seattle, WA, Portland OR and Austin, TX; none of these being the fashion capitals of the world.  In fact, I went to the opening night of the symphony in Portland one time and sat next to a guy in a Gap sweatshirt, Jeans and Berkenstocks.  Needless to say, I in my long dress and pearls, was not mistaken to be his date for the night.

I'm missing something.... good party requirements... hmmm.  Music...yes, good music... maybe even a bit to dance to, depending on the occasion.  Everyone needs to get their Michael Jackson on.

No children.  (Duh.)

In fact, my ideal party would look something like this....

Okay, so you get the image I am trying to paint... gorgeous atmosphere... amazing food... music... hmmm... anything else?

Oh yes, people.  

Ahhh, now THAT is a variable, isn't it?  The ideal party...would you surround it with everyone you knew.... would you make it a party where you got to meet lots of exciting people, new BFF's people that would ultimately shape your life.... or would you hodgepodge the mix?

While I personally wouldn't want to miss out on a new BFF or amazing people who would play an integral part of shaping my life, it's so much easier to hang out and talk with your friends.  Your "crew."  The ones you don't have to die a slow death of small-talk with.

You know what I mean.  We've all been there.  You are mingling at some event and you meet a new person.  This situation pretty much boils down to three outcomes:

1. You'll have a familiar face the next time you cross paths and can once again discuss the weather, local sports teams and the stuffed mushrooms being passed around.
2. Sending your date or spouse "the look" 5-7 times before they understand you desperately need to be rescued out from a conversation that makes you jealous of those who are currently undergoing  a root canal... because truth be told you'd rather be having dental work performed than continuing to converse with this person.
3. You and your new "contact" exchange information and actually do what you say and follow up with each other to set a time where you can hang out again... a new friendship is formed.

The amazing thing is that all of that happens in the course of a few minutes.  In between the music, the food (oh my goodness, the food) and the mingling, we really only have a short time to decide where our conversations are going...and how we are going to categorize the person we're talking to.

Isn't it fair to say that it doesn't really matter if we've been set up by Match.com or forced to attend a work function with our spouse... most of our introductions to people... our first "interactions" or "exchanges" with people are pretty much like speed dating.  Within about 2 minutes you know whether this person is ever going to make your radar again or not.

Scoff, stop reading and ponder for a minute or do what you need to do... but I feel like I just landed on a big one.  

Because when we get right down to it, we realize we might be passing by some God-given relationships in our life.

Now of course I can write and say, "Don't judge a book by it's cover" but we're adults and we've said it and read it so much it's lost it's flavor.  But it's true.  We speed-date people and decide... based on a couple of minutes... seconds.... LOOK-OVERS (gasp...what???) that this person is "in" or "out" in our life.  Ever thought any of these next few thoughts?

One or two looks at that gal's outfit tells me she's had a wild life and trying to find "30" again when CLEARLY I guess she's about 41... did she borrow her daughter's outfit?  Ugh, I don't need THAT kind of woman in my circle of friends.

Oh, I see that guy every week in church... and look at him holding a beer.  I bet it's his 3rd.  Hypocrite.

Wow... that was such a boring conversation with Devon's mom.  All she cares about is the safety of her children diet in the schools...she's paranoid... my kids would RUN OVER her kids... better not accept any play dates. 

Wow.

Kind of easy to do, isn't it?

We adopt a bit of a "Been there, done that" attitude towards people, don't we?

Hey, look folks, I am being REALLY VULNERABLE here.  If I were preaching, I'd ask for a few "amens" right about now so I could keep going and not pee my pants of embarrassment on stage.  Rotten thoughts... but I have sooooo gone there.

But here's the kicker... life isn't meant to be done like speed dating... life is relationships.  And relationships don't get built on cocktail-party timelines.  They get built layer by layer, each time we interact... because people are not static...they are dynamic, growing and changing. 

Last week, Pastor Ryan Malouff at Expression Church preached a message on "been there, done that."  He was trying to illustrate how many of us think we have God figured out... so we stop growing the relationship.    Or even paying attention to the relationship.  Or even paying attention to the idea itself!  We kick it into the box of "religion" and give our spouse "the look" to get outta there.

We can't speed date Jesus.  

We can't think, "Oh, there's that God thing again.  Been there.  Done that." and brush off our hands.

Jesus came so we would have a living example of what God is like.  He left but gave us the holy spirit, our resident "holy helper" to be with us always... so we could converse, spend time together in prayer and worship... attend cocktail parties to encourage those around us.  And that is just how our relationship with Jesus should be. 

I hope that today you'll not only pray for a new approach as to how you see and interact with people...that maybe you'll spend a bit more time before you let God tell you if this is a person you are supposed to have in your life, regardless of your personal opinions about that person.  But I also pray you would go and visit that table where Jesus was sitting... when you were so busy speed dating that you took one look at Him and decided that you had him all figured out and left the table.  I pray you would sit back down and begin a great new relationship with Him.

The coolest thing is that he's ALWAYS available to talk AND will love you even if your appetizers didn't turn out like the Pinterest picture.  (Just sayin')

Is there someone you can go back to and invest in?  Share your thoughts with me, leave a comment!- I'd love to hear!

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