Can't talk my way out of this

Blogger rule number one... post regularly.

Whoops.

Blogger rule number two; don't post for the sake of posting.

Check.

I don't really know if the second one is a rule or not, but that's the one I'm going off of right now... because let's be honest... we'd all rather tell others all the things we are doing right.

Oh, I know, I know.... many of us like to turn the other way and focus on the things we're doing wrong;  meditate on them practically, but I'm talking about "public" behavior.   I already spend WAY too much time beating myself up; some call that transparent... but if I did it all the time... that's not transparency... that's depressing!

And then, If you were like me... I'd silence my phone if Debbie Downer called me all the time to tell me all the stuff she messed up.  C'mon... let's be honest.

So... tracking back (Jesus help me) I haven't posted much because quite honestly, I've been too busy working through my own junk.  J-U-N-K.

Oh, and launching an interactive Childrens' Book, published by Nation9 Publishing called Quigley the Caterpillar.  Crazy!!!

Oh, and getting moving quotes, working with a fabulous group of people to start a new church www.expressionchurch.com, helping our dear friends and pastors move to Austin, teaching JA to my son's 1st grade class and running the house while my husband travels.

So, in this head of mine you can see why I might have suffered from writer's block... so consider yourself spared from my jumble of thoughts and rants the last few weeks.

Until now.  Buckle up... big fat thought coming your way....

Shall we start?  (And some of my newer readers are wondering what I mean by start because CLEARLY I stared about 73 lines ago!   Get used to it.)

Last night was not what we would call... ummm... a parent-of-the-year-type of night. You know, I've read in my bible many times that when we repent (turn away from sin, ask God for forgiveness) that by His grace... He forgives us; but sometimes there is still a natural consequence for our sin.

My consequence for last night's "oops" would be a lost voice.  Mostly because I yelled so loud... for so long.... at my precious little bundles of joy; specifically, my 10, 7 and 3 year old.  My 10 year old wasn't even in the room but CLEARLY, I had gone off the deep end of the pool and felt it necessary to throw all the kids out with the bathwater...so I included him too and proceeded to rant about my role as a mother.

Winner...winner Erin, chicken dinner.  Here was my Facebook post after (because don't you post EVERYTHING, including a pictures of your dinner on Facebook?)  Snort.

Yeah... definitely a low point.

Now, of course, I have to justify why I yelled at them for 3 minutes and 20 seconds straight, right?

Mostly, because Mom has been so busy completing her "task lists" that she hasn't made Jesus first, taken time to meet with Jesus, focused on Jesus, walked in Grace, prayed... you know... all the things/mindsets/tools available that would make this season easier to walk in.  Nope... I just have been piling on the responsibilities, trials, tribulations, interactions, conversations, to-do "isms" and heaved them onto my shoulders.  So who takes the brunt?  Of course, the spouse and the kids.  Lucky for him, my hubby was in Boston and my kids aren't old enough to think about dialing him and asking for a lifeline when mommy blows her spout.  So, my kids took the brunt.  

As if they were solely responsible for mom's exasperated state of being??!?!

But you know what's interesting?  While they definitely are not EVER a reason we should lose our marbles, I will admit that when the extra pressures pile on, their weak spots certainly shine brighter.

What do I mean?  Well... each one of my "bundles of joy" is working on a developmental milestone.  Completely normal stuff...but when you add up my other laundry list of reasons I would benefit from therapy... they just seem to become mountains instead of mole hills.

My 10 year old can remember if he missed his lunch treat 11 days ago but can't remember to turn in his homework on a regular basis.  Or brush his teeth.  Or wear the bands that accompany his braces.  (And can I tell you how fun that is to get a lecture from the orthodontist every 4-6 weeks?  I feel like I'm the one sitting in that chair!)

My 7 year old is just working on plain old listening.  If you give more than 1 instruction at a time, he's definitely going to forget the 2nd part.  As in, "wash your hands and come to the table."  Hands get washed but I lose him up in the play room.  Yesterday I spent 30 minutes looking for him at every neighbors house.  You get the gist.

My 3 year old refuses to use the toilet right now.  Three full wardrobe changes, 2 pairs of underwear in the trash.  And that was yesterday.  Enough said.

So.... I might have... perhaps.... possibly.... lectured... ahem.... yelled.... at them... ALL of them when they came out of their bedrooms after they had been tucked in.  I was done.  I had nothing left.  Except, of course, enough breath to completely lose it.  

Thankfully I had enough breath to apologize as well.  And then give God a good cry after they had all gone to bed with kisses.  Again.

So you might be thinking this post is about condemnation and messing up and how much of a spaz I am as a mother.  Good guesses, but no.

This post is about prayer.  As usual, I took awhile to get there but you needed to hear the back story.  This morning, I chose to hold onto grace.  I chose to hold onto joy.

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.    2Cor 12:9

And then I had a wise friend post this on Facebook this morning:

"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." Matt 5:48, MSG.

Yeah... that's what I'm talking about... some "up in your face" scripture!

So now I've gone from my head spinning around on a swivel last night to Polyanna with birds helping me make breakfast.  Multiple personalities?  No... just God's grace.  And that wasn't even the point of my message... that was just bonus material friends!  Ha!

After the kids were gone I looked at the clock and realized my middle son was on a school bus to a field trip.  I spontaneously prayed for his protection.  It felt good to pray without an agenda.. just with a mother's thought of protection...without prompting.  And so I kept going.... without a "prayer to-do list"....

What came out was amazing.  I prayed over his trip, I prayed for a child-like joy in discovering nature and God's world.  I prayed he would be surrounded by friends and that he would have ears to hear his teacher.  Without even thinking I moved onto my oldest and I prayed that God would begin to download a spirit of excellence in him, that he would be motivated to "give his best" and realize that it wasn't beccause of the fear of consequences (of which I had given him PLENTY) but instead that God would show my son that when he gives his "best" he is giving glory to God... he's showing off the "Jesus" or "new creation" inside of him.  

Now I was on a roll... so I kept going.

I went on and prayed for my youngest...that it wasn't out of control but it was out of a yielded heart that Jesus...not Mommy would "take the wheel!" and would encourage him to use the bathroom...

Now I know this could sound outright ridiculous if you had wire tapped my house and listened to my out-loud prayers as I cleaned up from breakfast.... but I got smacked upside the head with a thought that really rocked me this morning....

I don't have to parent alone.  Just as I have Jesus to help me, transform me... not my by own "doing" or "trying" but by the Holy Spirit working in me...that same Holy Spirit can work in my children.  Even more crazy was the thought that if I would just tap into God's great love and power... He is much more mighty to change the hearts and minds of my children than any of my lectures, lessons, reasonings, and CERTAINLY my rants, threats and punishments.

Let's reflect:

• Do threats inspire you to be greater?
• Does yelling win you over to want to change?
• Does God motivate you to see things a different way through his love or his wrath?

Then why did I think it would be any different with my children?

Because I'm human.  And we mess up.  And we try to fix our children like we try to fix everything else in our life... 

we "try harder," "talk louder," "do more."

Whoops.

Now, I'm not suggesting we get rid of consequences for our children.  No.  The Bible says that there are natural consequences when we sin... and sometimes as a parent we have to impose boundaries and consequences to aid them... because they are young babes.  I think the point here for us parents is that all the talking in the world isn't going to motivate my oldest to turn in his homework.  He may lose out on a lot of video game time or seeing his friends, but ultimately it is HIS heart that has to want to make the change.  There's a mysterious "intersection" somewhere between God's work in our children's heart and being fed up with the natural consequences of their choices where the child and God come together to change the choices or direction of a child's heart.  The more I "decrease" and ask God to "increase," everybody benefits from some breathing room.

So I'll keep you posted on the progress...but that's not really the point.  The power of a praying parent does not just benefit the child... it benefits the parent as well... it takes the burden and makes it light.  It makes it more about their journey and less about ours.  

And it saves us from apologizing to the neighbors, to our children and from losing our voice the next day.  :)

So what about you?  Can you think of a situation that you've tried to control and have forgotten to let God in?  Take a few moments to ponder this question and partner with God through prayer!