Oh Yeah... forgot about that old stuff....

I've sat down to write several times today but I just can't articulate my thoughts... I keep returning to the internet to see if I can find out the latest on the Boston Marathon bombings.  Like any other human, I am addicted to a train wreck.  I don't want to be, trust me... I am reduced to tears every single time I see an image.  My core is rocked thinking about that precious 8-year old boy who just wanted to see his Daddy finish his race.  My thoughts quickly track back to when my son was eight and we made the trip to downtown Chicago to see my husband finish his race.  More tears.  I'm immobilized.  I'm grieving those people who will forever alter their plans because they are missing a limb.  Again... tears.

Yet I am moved by compassion...the hundreds of people who stayed and helped.  Color was not an issue for those hours after the bombs went off.  Neither was race, gender, economic status, age.  Quite frankly, I LOVED that the world suspended judgement against one another.  Labels vanished.  It was all for one and one for all.

I loved the comraderie that was so prevalent today as I went back to my "normal life."  Smiles were more genuine.  "Thank-you's" were a bit more heart-felt and not just obligatory manners.  And oh, the runners... the runners were out in full force today.  There was an appreciative nod to one another; we were of one accord today.  (It helped that the rains subsided enough in Seattle that the ark finally rested on high-ground.)

And that was good.

But amidst the extra effort to treat others a bit more humanely, amidst the light layer of solemness that exuded itself today, there was definitely a spirit of restlessness.... a itch I just couldn't scratch.... a question I just couldn't answer.

How did we get here?

I poised this question to my husband last night as we were about to head upstairs to bed... (c'mon, get your head out of the gutter... I've got 3 boys... bed = sleep!)

No, seriously... oh man, I've lost some of you... come back.  Okay, I asked,

"Do you think the world has gotten a lot crazier or are we just more aware of it because our faith in Jesus Christ has grown and He has opened our eyes to it?"

Mark 8:17-18     Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear?

(I am referring to our ability to see the world through the eyes of Jesus as opposed to our sinful selves.)

My husband's answer has followed me everywhere today.  This is not what I intended to write about; I intended to write about a huge breakthrough... future plans... updates on transitioning from life as I know it to life in ministry (cliffhangers, I hope...do make sure you "join" my site to receive my next few posts.)  But I think my hubs, Chris Turnley answered that question so well that I am COMPELLED to share it with as many who are willing to listen.

We, as a society, as a culture, as a nation... are here because we've lost the reverence and fear of God.
Really.  It is as simple, yet haunting, as that.

We don't fear him.  We've shaved Him down, watered Him down, contorted Him into what works best for our lives.  And quite frankly, now that He's so manageable, He is no longer a giant.  He is no longer Lord.

Hubby went further to illustrate how the nation has gone from its creation, it's Birth, conceived out of dennouncement of England... being able to be "indivisible, under God" to movements that call for the removal of the word "God" from our currency, our schools, our statues, memorials and the very pledge of Allegiance that founded this country.  (By the way, can I just draw your attention to the "Pledge of Allegiance."  Ahem.... allegiance.... synonmous with "devotion" and "loyalty.")

Okay, so here is what I am driving at.  I'm sure you have scrolled Facebook after a national tragedy and seen posts such as this:

"You ask where I am in the school shootings yet you try and remove me from schools.  You ask where I am when the town square is bombed yet you remove the plaque that says 'In God we trust.' from the very same park.  I want to be in your life but you keep kicking me out."   -God

I have to be honest with you... it ressonnates with me for a few days after a tragedy; it gets me all fired up and I'm ready to send off letters to my public school system, my representatives and anyone else who will listen.

And then life returns... schedules resume... a child gets sick.... the minivan's tire is flat... and the news coverage is no longer 24/7 about the incident... it's filed away in the "where is this world going to?" bucket.  Quickly, our life bucket (which is much larger and leaks, by the way) gets stacked on top of our deep moral compass concerns and we move on.

The truth is, guys, is that God is actually the answer.  Now, is He going to create utopia for us here on earth?  Ummm... no, that's actually what he calls Heaven...and He DOES say there will be trials until you graduate to Utopia.  Trials can be anything from a broken fingernail to the senseless death of a loved one.  BUT... friends... BUT....  as a whole, we need to remember who created the universe... who breathed us into existence... who spoke a mere four words and "poof," here we are.

I'm speaking to the 84% of us... the 84% who responded to some survey, somewhere along the line and claimed the existence of God.  Who believe that there is one true God.  Right now would be a really good time to drop your theologian hat and keep reading...  stop getting hung up on the "does he love Gays?," "Why does a church ask for money?" "Was Jesus's body really put in tomb?"  STOP!

Drop the backpack of baggage you've been slinging around that "religion was forced down my throat," or you had a "bad pastor" or "God wouldn't let bad things happen"  STOP.

I'm not going to tell you I have answers.  But I will point you to a few things that started to make so much sense:

Jeremiah 2:13

“My people have done two evil things.
    They turned away from me,
    and they dug their own water cisterns.[a]
I am the source of living water;
    those cisterns are broken and cannot hold water.

The cisterns that are broken and cannot hold water are interpreted by scholars to be His analogy for idols.  Most people think of little wooden or ceramic carvings when you hear 'idol" in a religious context.  I suppose if you are reading this late at night you might be thinking about Ryan Seacrest, Simon Cowell and American Idol, the TV show.  But check out Webster's Dictionary and what they had to say about the word "idol."


1.   a. An image used as an object of worship.
      b. A false god.
2. One that is adored, often blindly or excessively.
3. Something visible but without substance.

Check out number three.  As I mentioned before, we've neutered, binded, and trimmed God to a point that he's no longer welcome in our neat, tidy and "lots of gray area" little world.  He gets in the way of the choices we want to make...and feel okay about making them.  Yes... long gone are the "fire and brimstone" messages our parents grew up with (and maybe even some of us) about the fear of God and the fear of his condemnation, his damnation and our the destiny of our eternal souls.  Good grief... heavy stuff... who would want to listen to that?

But perhaps we should every now and then?  Perhaps not in a way that it is delivered, Bible thumping, some would call it... but shouldn't we... and don't we owe it to one another... to bring God out of the box and put him back in his rightful place?  At the top?  Bigger than us?

Bigger than our other idols?  As world-renown author and leader Beth Moore has put it, an idol is "any tradeoff for God."  Wow.

What I love is that God "seeks" us.  We don't "find" him.  We... at some point... turn to Him and there he is... waiting.  He was waiting the whole time.  But lets not miss the fact that we have to turn to him which means one, it's active and two... it means we turn away from other things.  We turn away from our other idols and turn instead to a mighty and powerful God, who according to the Old Testament says He is:

• El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty)
• El Elyon (The Most High God)
• Adonai (Lord, Master)
• Yahweh (Lord, Jehovah)
• Jehovah Nissi (The Lord My Banner)
• Jehovah-Raah (The Lord My Shepherd)
• Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals)
• Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There)
• Jehovah Tsidkenu (The Lord Our Righteousness)
• Jehovah Mekoddishkem (The Lord Who Sanctifies You)
• El Olam (The Everlasting God)
• Elohim (God)
• Qanna (Jealous)
• Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide)
• Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace)

That sounds like a lot more security than any of my other idols can offer.  That sounds like a lot more happiness than my glass of wine, my workout regimen or juicy novel can offer.

And that sounds like something worth fighting for.  Worth speaking up about.  Worth writing to my school district and my government representatives about.  Worth telling my neighbor about.  Worth telling the stranger at the bus stop about.  Because let's face it... this "hush-hush" attitude about God isn't going so well.

As Craig Groeschel  mentioned in his book Weird, "The majority of people claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. And all this is normal. But normal isn’t working."

What will you do tomorrow to make God bigger in your life than he was today?

Can't talk my way out of this

Blogger rule number one... post regularly.

Whoops.

Blogger rule number two; don't post for the sake of posting.

Check.

I don't really know if the second one is a rule or not, but that's the one I'm going off of right now... because let's be honest... we'd all rather tell others all the things we are doing right.

Oh, I know, I know.... many of us like to turn the other way and focus on the things we're doing wrong;  meditate on them practically, but I'm talking about "public" behavior.   I already spend WAY too much time beating myself up; some call that transparent... but if I did it all the time... that's not transparency... that's depressing!

And then, If you were like me... I'd silence my phone if Debbie Downer called me all the time to tell me all the stuff she messed up.  C'mon... let's be honest.

So... tracking back (Jesus help me) I haven't posted much because quite honestly, I've been too busy working through my own junk.  J-U-N-K.

Oh, and launching an interactive Childrens' Book, published by Nation9 Publishing called Quigley the Caterpillar.  Crazy!!!

Oh, and getting moving quotes, working with a fabulous group of people to start a new church www.expressionchurch.com, helping our dear friends and pastors move to Austin, teaching JA to my son's 1st grade class and running the house while my husband travels.

So, in this head of mine you can see why I might have suffered from writer's block... so consider yourself spared from my jumble of thoughts and rants the last few weeks.

Until now.  Buckle up... big fat thought coming your way....

Shall we start?  (And some of my newer readers are wondering what I mean by start because CLEARLY I stared about 73 lines ago!   Get used to it.)

Last night was not what we would call... ummm... a parent-of-the-year-type of night. You know, I've read in my bible many times that when we repent (turn away from sin, ask God for forgiveness) that by His grace... He forgives us; but sometimes there is still a natural consequence for our sin.

My consequence for last night's "oops" would be a lost voice.  Mostly because I yelled so loud... for so long.... at my precious little bundles of joy; specifically, my 10, 7 and 3 year old.  My 10 year old wasn't even in the room but CLEARLY, I had gone off the deep end of the pool and felt it necessary to throw all the kids out with the bathwater...so I included him too and proceeded to rant about my role as a mother.

Winner...winner Erin, chicken dinner.  Here was my Facebook post after (because don't you post EVERYTHING, including a pictures of your dinner on Facebook?)  Snort.

Yeah... definitely a low point.

Now, of course, I have to justify why I yelled at them for 3 minutes and 20 seconds straight, right?

Mostly, because Mom has been so busy completing her "task lists" that she hasn't made Jesus first, taken time to meet with Jesus, focused on Jesus, walked in Grace, prayed... you know... all the things/mindsets/tools available that would make this season easier to walk in.  Nope... I just have been piling on the responsibilities, trials, tribulations, interactions, conversations, to-do "isms" and heaved them onto my shoulders.  So who takes the brunt?  Of course, the spouse and the kids.  Lucky for him, my hubby was in Boston and my kids aren't old enough to think about dialing him and asking for a lifeline when mommy blows her spout.  So, my kids took the brunt.  

As if they were solely responsible for mom's exasperated state of being??!?!

But you know what's interesting?  While they definitely are not EVER a reason we should lose our marbles, I will admit that when the extra pressures pile on, their weak spots certainly shine brighter.

What do I mean?  Well... each one of my "bundles of joy" is working on a developmental milestone.  Completely normal stuff...but when you add up my other laundry list of reasons I would benefit from therapy... they just seem to become mountains instead of mole hills.

My 10 year old can remember if he missed his lunch treat 11 days ago but can't remember to turn in his homework on a regular basis.  Or brush his teeth.  Or wear the bands that accompany his braces.  (And can I tell you how fun that is to get a lecture from the orthodontist every 4-6 weeks?  I feel like I'm the one sitting in that chair!)

My 7 year old is just working on plain old listening.  If you give more than 1 instruction at a time, he's definitely going to forget the 2nd part.  As in, "wash your hands and come to the table."  Hands get washed but I lose him up in the play room.  Yesterday I spent 30 minutes looking for him at every neighbors house.  You get the gist.

My 3 year old refuses to use the toilet right now.  Three full wardrobe changes, 2 pairs of underwear in the trash.  And that was yesterday.  Enough said.

So.... I might have... perhaps.... possibly.... lectured... ahem.... yelled.... at them... ALL of them when they came out of their bedrooms after they had been tucked in.  I was done.  I had nothing left.  Except, of course, enough breath to completely lose it.  

Thankfully I had enough breath to apologize as well.  And then give God a good cry after they had all gone to bed with kisses.  Again.

So you might be thinking this post is about condemnation and messing up and how much of a spaz I am as a mother.  Good guesses, but no.

This post is about prayer.  As usual, I took awhile to get there but you needed to hear the back story.  This morning, I chose to hold onto grace.  I chose to hold onto joy.

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.    2Cor 12:9

And then I had a wise friend post this on Facebook this morning:

"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." Matt 5:48, MSG.

Yeah... that's what I'm talking about... some "up in your face" scripture!

So now I've gone from my head spinning around on a swivel last night to Polyanna with birds helping me make breakfast.  Multiple personalities?  No... just God's grace.  And that wasn't even the point of my message... that was just bonus material friends!  Ha!

After the kids were gone I looked at the clock and realized my middle son was on a school bus to a field trip.  I spontaneously prayed for his protection.  It felt good to pray without an agenda.. just with a mother's thought of protection...without prompting.  And so I kept going.... without a "prayer to-do list"....

What came out was amazing.  I prayed over his trip, I prayed for a child-like joy in discovering nature and God's world.  I prayed he would be surrounded by friends and that he would have ears to hear his teacher.  Without even thinking I moved onto my oldest and I prayed that God would begin to download a spirit of excellence in him, that he would be motivated to "give his best" and realize that it wasn't beccause of the fear of consequences (of which I had given him PLENTY) but instead that God would show my son that when he gives his "best" he is giving glory to God... he's showing off the "Jesus" or "new creation" inside of him.  

Now I was on a roll... so I kept going.

I went on and prayed for my youngest...that it wasn't out of control but it was out of a yielded heart that Jesus...not Mommy would "take the wheel!" and would encourage him to use the bathroom...

Now I know this could sound outright ridiculous if you had wire tapped my house and listened to my out-loud prayers as I cleaned up from breakfast.... but I got smacked upside the head with a thought that really rocked me this morning....

I don't have to parent alone.  Just as I have Jesus to help me, transform me... not my by own "doing" or "trying" but by the Holy Spirit working in me...that same Holy Spirit can work in my children.  Even more crazy was the thought that if I would just tap into God's great love and power... He is much more mighty to change the hearts and minds of my children than any of my lectures, lessons, reasonings, and CERTAINLY my rants, threats and punishments.

Let's reflect:

• Do threats inspire you to be greater?
• Does yelling win you over to want to change?
• Does God motivate you to see things a different way through his love or his wrath?

Then why did I think it would be any different with my children?

Because I'm human.  And we mess up.  And we try to fix our children like we try to fix everything else in our life... 

we "try harder," "talk louder," "do more."

Whoops.

Now, I'm not suggesting we get rid of consequences for our children.  No.  The Bible says that there are natural consequences when we sin... and sometimes as a parent we have to impose boundaries and consequences to aid them... because they are young babes.  I think the point here for us parents is that all the talking in the world isn't going to motivate my oldest to turn in his homework.  He may lose out on a lot of video game time or seeing his friends, but ultimately it is HIS heart that has to want to make the change.  There's a mysterious "intersection" somewhere between God's work in our children's heart and being fed up with the natural consequences of their choices where the child and God come together to change the choices or direction of a child's heart.  The more I "decrease" and ask God to "increase," everybody benefits from some breathing room.

So I'll keep you posted on the progress...but that's not really the point.  The power of a praying parent does not just benefit the child... it benefits the parent as well... it takes the burden and makes it light.  It makes it more about their journey and less about ours.  

And it saves us from apologizing to the neighbors, to our children and from losing our voice the next day.  :)

So what about you?  Can you think of a situation that you've tried to control and have forgotten to let God in?  Take a few moments to ponder this question and partner with God through prayer!