I know a lot of people who seize the New Year with all sorts of resolutions and goals. I think that is fantastic... a ship ain't going very far if you don't aim it in a direction. Aside from overflowing Gym parking lots and ingredients like "whole grain, bulgur and Quinoa" flying off the shelf, a lot of people simply take the New Year to purge.
Perhaps it's because they need to make room for the gross, insane amount of presents that they have just accumulated (hmmm... opinionated guess?,) or perhaps it is just part of the "new year, new start" campaign. Whatever the reason, I think it's great. I'm absolutely blown away by the amount of things we keep and never use. I have become acutely aware of this over the last four years, as our family has been professionally relocated twice. (No, not part of the witness protection program... I know that is what many of you might have thought.) Nope, God called us to Chicago and then God called us right back home, 3 years later. Both times, we were fortunate enough to have a professional moving company that came in and packed every single possession of ours into a semi-truck. I was amazed at how fast they could take a fully "lived-in" house and have it completely contained in boxes and shrink-wrap. I was ALSO amazed at how much crap we owned... as I unpacked between dozens of post-it notes and empty binders. (I cannot make this stuff up.)
Now you might be ready to nominate me for the show "Hoarders" but I will tell you, I purge all the time. If you come visit my house, you will always find two boxes; one headed for Goodwill and the other for a local children's agency. But when you are unpacking an entire box of empty binders, you start to get sick to your stomach... in a grossed out, over-indulgent, "what the heck was I planning on doing with these anyway?" sort of way.
I don't know, maybe it was because I got tired of trying to stuff and cram the clothes into my kids' dressers...or maybe it was remembering the infliction of pain a I stepped on one too many Happy Meal toys....but whatever it was, I was sick of it. Sick of the "abundance" in our house. Sick of the, "I'm so bored" response if the iPad or DS ran out of batteries. God forbid, we had a "no electronics day;" despite my rattling off the 37 games or toys they could play with that were simply sitting idle in their closets.
And then there was the "gimme" monster. Every time my husband came back from a week out of town, the kids would ask, "What did you get me?" I really wanted to huck an airplane packet of salted peanuts at their heads by the 3rd week in a row. How about this, "We got you a DAD! How's that? He came HOME...to see you.... to be in your life...THAT is what we got you!!!!!"
(Deep breath. Quick...need some scripture.... feeling rage boil up....)
So, much like a fish headed up stream (shocking, I know,) I forced a family purge a few weeks ago...BEFORE the presents came in.
Now, I'm not dummy to the selfishness that dwells within us. Add that reality with the fact that I'd be dealing with children and I knew I would have to start small. My kids were not ready for my kind of purge. After all, I come from a mother who will hold something up and if you can't tell her the last time you used the item in less than 2.3 seconds, she chucks it into the Plastic Bag. (No, not the cute little ones you put in your bathroom trash can, I'm talking contractor-strength, big black ones.)
Baby steps.
So, I began with a small, clear, plastic bin. I didn't have the courage to ask them to start bigger.
Okay...Okay... fine... I'll admit it...there was "slightly" less to go through because in an afternoon of disgust I grabbed a target bag and chucked a handful of God knows what into it and sealed the bag. Okay...Okay...fine...so perhaps that bag contained a very small stuffed animal that my son realized was missing the very next evening while he was being tucked in. (How, on earth, that happens (realizes one is missing), when the kid possesses about 47 stuffed animals and 15 of them are probably no larger than my fist, blows my mind.) Like a good mom I dug into the trash can, retrieved the bag, found the missing "lovie" and returned him to his room without any further ado. Not while he was there, of course....but the next day when I could covertly retrieve the chucked item without letting him onto the fact that there might be additional carnage in the garbage can.
Hey, let's get me off of the "mom of the year" chopping block, shall we? Back to selfish little kids. :) My husband and I sat our kids down with a clear plastic bin and proceeded into a long diatribe about starving children of the world, children without moms and dads who live in orphanages and a whole bunch of other stuff that I can't even remember. I'm pretty sure at about the 1:21 mark my children's eyes had glazed over and in their heads, my voice was being translated like Charlie Brown's teacher: ("Mwaa waaa was, bwaa buh baaaaaa.")
I was losing them fast.
"Cut to the bottom line, Turnley," I thought.
"So we are going to bless some other children by giving them 5 of your toys, 2 books, 2 stuffed animals and a shirt." We are generous and blessed to be a blessing."
Okay, this is months ago and I'm laughing as I'm writing this. I cannot even begin to paint a picture of the panic-stricken looks on their faces. I mean, you would have thought I just told them their entire bedroom just burnt down in a heap of flames. Then came the mouths..... wide open..... oh....here come the tears.... now the "out-loud" sobs.....
"No.... Not our stuffed animals!!!! Nooooooooooooo!"
I have to be honest with you; I just wasn't quite prepared for sobbing 6 and 9 year olds. My husband and I just looked at each other quickly and caved as if we were sappy parents of a first-born. "Okay!," we cried... "Just one animal...just one, but you have to increase a toy or book."
My six year old looks me square in the eye and says, "Fine. I know what book I'm giving away.... my 'Mama do you love me?' book. Because the answer seems to be 'NO!'" With that, he stomped up the stairs, his sobbing brother close behind him.
Wow. Where did we go wrong? Did we not model being generous ourselves? Clearly, we half expected Child Protection Services to knock on our door at any given moment!
To our surprise, our kids came down just minutes later with their "box" of giveaways.
"Wow!," I thought, they had changes of heart....what great, GENEROUS boys we have!
A summary of the boxes:
- Silly bands from 2010 (you know the ones that are banned in school, gyms, etc? and serve absolutely no purpose at this point in time?) The first time around, each band counted as a toy. We said "no way" and sent them back upstairs.
- Lego Magazines as books
- Shirts? Oh this was good...they donated their school shirts (we make them wear collared shirts for school despite the fact there is no formal dress code at their school.) How generous to donate one of your collared shirts. (still chuckling at that one)
- An army figure with missing legs.
- A pokemon trading card
- Perhaps, just perhaps (my memory is getting fuzzy now), there was a car or two, some loose legos and whatever else happened to be under the night stand.
Hmmmm... maybe not as generous as I had hoped.
So why do I share this story of, what in my mind, was an absolute failure in terms of teaching my children to share and be generous?
We must learn generosity. We are not born with it.
We were designed to live generously...but, we are no longer born with that original design. (Darn that sneaky snake, Adam, Eve and their eviction notice from the Garden of Eden!)
I'll admit...whoowee...it's hard to be naturally generous. In fact, I recently attended a good friend's birthday party and we took some time to go around the room and share the qualities we most admired in her life. Time and time again, friends spoke of her generosity.
(I prayed out loud that God would make ME a more generous person.)
It's easy to give away our worn out clothes. It's not as easy to give things that are most precious to us.
We could take a whole month to discuss generosity, but I think I just wanted to illustrate that generosity can never be emphasized enough. The best image I have ever seen of generosity is learning how to live with an open palm, instead of a closed fist.
Let's face it...most of us live with a closed fist when it comes to our belongings and our cash. But what would or could happen if we released our clutched fingers and began to live with an open palm? And I'm not just talking about giving our old stuff away to the Goodwill truck instead of consigning everything. That's a great start! But what if we just adopted the attitude of letting things go when we felt our heart tugging? How often have we discouraged our children to not give away their best lego set, favorite doll or toy away to a friend? We are killing the very generosity they are trying to walk out in their own lives! (Oh...conviction as I speak...there was 2-3 therapist appointment revelations right there!!!) Who cares if they give it away? If they want to bless someone, go for it kiddo... I want you to experience how good it feels to give!
What about you? How can we, as adults, model open-handed living? Can we pray that God would help us see more opportunities to give without strings attached? To fulfill someone's need? To not put limits on who, when or how often we give of our resources?
I'll admit, there are parts of the Bible that are like a warm, comfy blanket. Then there are parts that can feel a bit like a frying pan on the side of the head. Perhaps the sting comes from knowing I need to change that which is being spoken to me. So, a warning...this may be a blankie or a pan:
Deuteronomy 15:10
The Message (MSG)
10-11 Give freely and spontaneously. Don’t have a stingy heart. The way you handle matters like this triggers God, your God’s, blessing in everything you do, all your work and ventures. There are always going to be poor and needy people among you. So I command you: Always be generous, open purse and hands, give to your neighbors in trouble, your poor and hurting neighbors.
Now, if you are applying an ice pack to your head and clutching your heart... then take this in for some comfort:
Romans 8:32
32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Luke 6:38
38Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
And that is how God wants to meet your needs when you live generously. His blessings won't be full of air and fluff... no...they will be shaken down and pressed together....overflowing...even!
In a world where we, as Americans, live like royalty compared to other countries... I don't think I have to take my kids on an oversea missions trip to get them to catch this vision. I could spend $6000 to go serve kids in Uganda with my family but then drive right past a man holding a sign on the side of the street. What hypocrisy. No, friends, it's easier than than taking a mission trip. I can teach my kids a generous lifestyle TODAY just by handing out a dollar bill, a sandwich, a filled gas can, spare change, canned food, a coat, etc. I can free myself and my children to give whenever and to whoever.
I have a hunch, if I model life with an open fist.. the next time we hand them a plastic to fill up, we just might see a different outcome.
Hey....what about you? How do you teach your kids to live generously? What are two things you can do in your family to model "open fist" living? Ask God to show you what that means for you and your family!
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