As I sit down to write this, its about 2 hours past the time I had hoped to be typing away. After NINE DAYS WITHOUT SCHOOL, I was ready to, lovingly, mind you, kick my children out the door and onto the bus. I had things to say...things to write....therapy to give myself...or bring a chuckle to some reader's day. After a power outage, a wind storm, a snow storm and a freezing rain storm...I was ready to pen some thoughts.
And then...
Oh, the "and then." My husband and I have a funny way of starting off a story that always results in the same "why I didn't get that done" excuse: "So you see what happened was..." Today, it was a sick toddler w/ a bad case of um...should we say...the runs..and I don't mean the kind you do with your legs. And then it was the thermostat that needed fixing. And then it was an email to plan my Kindergartner's Valentine's Day party. And then....
And then....
You see, if you have been following my posts (poor souls) then you know God has planted a seed in my heart to write. And while I have a rough table of contents, ideas floating around in my head and no shortage of rants, I still have not sat down and given it a fair shake. Why? It's too scary. It's too big. It's too "I have no idea what I am doing!" The list of excuses goes on. I could pay a therapist (but why bother when I can type instead!) and tell him or her that this goes back to my fear of failure; I simply don't try things I am not good at or fear that I will not become good at. Have you ever seen me on a golf course? Nope. I really have no intention of letting you see me swing and miss at a ball. Or throw your back out ducking to avoid getting clocked in the head by my ball should I make contact with the little sucker. Won't register for a triathalon because I have a feeling I'm going to freak-out Freida in the middle of open waters and quite frankly, I'd rather give birth in front of a group of Marines before I'd allow myself to be rescued in the middle of a lake during a race. And so, for me...I just avoid it.
Okay...so what about those things we know we are supposed to do but won't or don't? I am not talking about the list that starts with, "You know I really should...." Forget that. I am talking about the things God has planted in our heart. God has hard-wired them in. He's already given you the gifts and talents to do them. You know what they are.... don't play coy, aloof or fake humbleness (the WORST!) Stop...cast fear aside, quiet all the other voices inside your head and answer this,
"If you were guaranteed not to fail, and time, money and all other resources were at your beckon call...what would you want to achieve/accomplish in your lifetime?"
That's the one. Or two. Or even more. One of mine is to be a weathergirl. Yep...cat's out of the bag. I have always wanted to be a weatherperson. I was really hoping Steve Pool would have gone national so I could have his job. At this point, I figure I'm past my weathergirl prime so I must sigh a breath of "if only" and move on to the other answers of what I would do with my life if there was a guarantee that I would not fail.
You see, THAT is what God is driving after. He created EACH of us for a purpose...and fashioned us just so, even from the days we were in our mother's wombs... to personally fulfill that purpose. The more I have thought about answering the "if you were guaranteed not to fail what would you go after" question, the more and more I get the same punch in my gut of what it is I am supposed to do. For me, the answer is write. OK, so now that I have come full circle and your kids are pulling on your pant leg, the wine tastes like grape juicy or your nosy cubicle neighbor won't keep to themselves, let me quickly drive it home.
I spent two hours this afternoon telling God, "I don't wanna." I made up other things to do... prioritzed Valentine parties and thermostat programs over writing. It reminds me of my 2 year old son. We are trying to teach him "please" and "thank you." Rarely does it come out without a prompting from mom or dad EXCEPT when he's trying to communicate that he doesn't want to do something. Like this:
(Mom:) "Evan, finish your applesauce so we can go upstairs and take a nap."
(Evan:) "No Thank you, mommy" (can I add the cutest voice ever???)
It's so stinkin' adorable you almost want to let him have his way! Funny how if it was my older son who was saying it..or if it was my toddler who instead jumped up and down and whined, "I don't wanna!," it would be totally unacceptable...right? Or, think about this...what if you asked your child to do something and they said yes...but let me first do these 17 things. I don't know about you, but it makes my blood boil; when I need the table set, I need the table set...not after you conquered Coconut Mall on Mario Cart.
So, let me ask you this... how will we ever get to our biggest heart-burning accomplishment if we continue to distract ourselves? It's got to be our calling and nothing else. (Yes, dishes must get washed and I'm pretty sure your spouse wants clean underwear!) But, necessities aside, you know why I think we do it?
We don't understand it. Or, we don't understand how in the world we would ever accomplish what burns inside of us. World hunger? I can't even keep my kids full. Running a marathon? I don't even run to the shower. The problem is that the culture we live in demands that we understand everything. I mean, everything. If I can't get 429 articles about rice cakes on the web, I feel...well, a bit undereducated on the topic. We live in a "why" society. The problem is that the world has conditioned us to demand the "why" before we obey God's calling and commit to do anything. What do you think a four year old's most repeated question is...
"Why?"
But, as some of you may have guessed, or know, God's perspective is quite upside down from the world we live in. Flip open the bible and you will find, "Come to me with child-like faith," "He is who last in the world is first in the Kingdom," "The humbled and lowly in spirit will be honored in Heaven." I could go on, but clearly you're supposed to be doing something else by now so its God's grace that you are still reading. (I think I said that earlier, didn't I?)
If you really want to go after your calling...dust the rust off and get going..put this in your pipe and smoke it, "Obey your way into understanding instead of understanding your way into obedience." (Thank you Pastor Jonathan Gulley.)
We, as parents tell our childen that they don't need to ask why, they just need to do what they are asked. It's for their good, right? ... so let's start eating off the same table of wisdom, shall we? If you need a "sneak peek" of understanding why you should heed the call on your life without fully understanding it, which as you know is COMPLETELY the opposite of my point...then look up Esther, or David or Ruth in the bible for kicks.
It's your calling or nothing...but the nothing adds up to just fleeting or temporary satisfaction, so don't get distracted. Put a sweater on, the thermostat can wait and trust me...once you start turning the wheels of possibilities, you'll be so fired up you won't need the heat on!
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