Well I am the first to admit it. I am a hypocrite. I mean, a big one!!! If you are spiritual and bible reading, you can just holler "Pharisee" and if none of that rings a bell... well, just stick with hypocrite. '
You see, I wrote this great entry about what to give your child for Christmas... a list that was obviously filled to the brim with knowledge and wisdom... mostly because I didn't write it. :) I was just putting my own slant and getting it out there, you know? And I do agree, its an outstanding list, one I think EVERY PARENT could benefit from. I think the problem was that I didn't read it. Oh, I read it...but mostly to proofread before I sent it out. Ha! Should have read the words again. Because this weekend I really gave the gift that nobody wants to receive...one big stressed out parent.
(Big breath. "There is no condemnation in Christ. There is no condemnation in Christ.) Really, it was about trying to have it all. An early trip to Target to score a Christmas gift, losing my husband's keys so he was locked out of the house (with the kids in 35 degree weather) for an hour, a gymnastic "exhibition" (because "recital" is soooo not cool when you're a boy,) church, a bridal shower, Christmas party and then finally.... lets not forget trying to decorate our Christmas tree. Holly Jolly? I think not. I was running from one thing to the next, holding my breath and by Sunday evening, I was so grouchy that even the grinch would have been a little unnerved. Oh yeah, there was no "tis the reason for the season" in my world.... I was a train wreck! So, I've gone back to read my Part 1 (and if you had a weekend close to mine, maybe you should too!) and am ready to write a "real world" version of Part 2...so here we go.... top 10 gifts to give your child this Christmas season:
6. Reinforce attitudes of Faith. Listen up... I don't really care at this point who you call God, if you believe there is a God or if you are praying to Jesus all day long...we can all benefit from this one, friends! Develop a no tolerance policy for pity, whining and tantrums. Fast forward 25 years into your life... does that work for you? How does whining go over at your workplace? Or to your spouse? I'm assuming its not a victorious move and if you manipulate someone to get what you want, then I guess you better get ready for your child to do the same to you! But let's talk reality here... we don't NEED to give in to "terrible two's" or an 8 year old telling us we're the worst parent ever (and thank you Jesus, that hasn't personally happened to me yet!) but what we can do is reinforce the truth when they go down the path of pity or poor behavior. Our children DESPERATELY SEEK BOUNDARIES IN A CULTURE THAT PROVIDES VERY FEW. The healthiest thing we can do is correct those attitudes, in love, but make it clear that they aren't acceptable ways to behave.
7. Develop a dependence outside of yourself. We have raised an entire generation of "everyone makes the team," "every one's a winner", etc. While this is great for a lot of children's self esteems... it manifested two attitudes amongst a lot of our youth; 1: I can do anything I want to do if I just put my mind to it and 2: I don't know how to deal with failure. The reality is that God made you unique, special, and designed to carry out a certain path of your life to bring glory to his name. So, actually, you can't be a rocket scientist if you had to cheat off of your neighbor's paper in 11th grade physics. We can't be all to everyone... and the quicker we accept it (and trust you me...if this were a game of Candyland, I'd be stuck in the licorice forest myself,) we can finally be victorious in realizing we were not designed to "do" life on our own. When our children see this, they won't grow up with the pressure of thinking that they can "do it all, have it all, be it all." Quite frankly, that's pretty overwhelming for a lot of people...so imagine a child's capacity to understand!
The best way to model this is to just pray truthfully and from the heart. Pray in front of your kids; prayer is just talking from the heart. The more complicated you make it...the more religious it looks, the more you will drive your children away from it.... after all, who has the vocabulary of a Pope at age 7? This may make some of you pee your pants but its perfectly okay to say/pray "God, I'm really bummed out I didn't get that promotion today." "God, help me find the strength to stay out of the cookie jar." "God, I trust that you will help me find my husband's car keys!" Whatever it is, let your children learn that its okay to cry out for a helper outside of themselves...it will be a valuable tool hidden in their heart for the rest of their lives!
8. Find a place to pray. I'm going to keep this short and sweet because quite honestly, I stretch for this one too. I could aim to wake at 6:30 a.m. just to get some alone time with God before the kids wake but you know what, I'd probably hit the alarm clock with a hammer before that would actually happen. So for me, I pray whenever I need to talk to him, but I also pray a lot in the car. Sometimes its because I do it to avoid screaming at my kids but I definitely love that they can see me talking to God.... even at volume 10! In fact, I heard my 2 year old talking in the car last week... "Jesus... thank you!" Don't let your prayer life be a secret to your kids... they are sponges... let them soak up your prayer life!
9. Book a time to serve or give with your children in tow. I will be the first to admit that organized activities to serve when you have really small kids are few and far between. It gets easier when they are in grade school, but don't let that stop you. I was so convicted by my 5 year old last year, then only 4, when we passed someone on the off-ramp who was holding a sign that read, "No job, no money, please help...God Bless." He asked me what the sign said and when I explained it to him, his response was, "Well why didn't you give him money, mom?" Ouch. Well, many would argue that we don't know if they are mentally stable, trying to con the system, on drugs or alcohol or too lazy to work. I know, because I've thought it!!!! But you know what? It isn't our job to judge...or condemn. It's not our job to worry about what he's going to do with the money, BUT... it is our job to help a fellow human being out! My husband is famous for buying protein bars in the big cities he travels to for work and then giving them to the homeless as he passes in between his appointments. One man told him, "Thank you, but I'd rather have a candy bar." While my husband was taken aback at what could be construed as ungratefulness, he thought to himself, "If I were freezing and sitting on a filthy sidewalk, I'd want a Snickers too!" Of course, my husband went back in to the drugstore and got him a Snickers... no questions asked.
When we give a present to someone we love, we don't know how they'll use it...but we don't necessarily let that prevent us from giving, do we? The same should be to those who are downtrodden, misfortuned or in desperate need of help. I wrote an article last year that has some great ideas to begin giving, but even making sure your car is stockpiled with extra snacks, candy bars and $1 bills is a great way. Never let an opportunity to give pass you AND YOUR CHILDREN by. Let them be the one who gives the dollar bill to the person in need. Trust me, my kids are experts in spending my money! Plant that seed of giving in your child's heart. We are blessed to be a blessing!
10. Last, but not least... go to the doctor who can heal, teach, instruct and change you. Get your prescription filled! I'm not talking the urgent care clinic, the PT or even your acupuncturist... although I do love and use all three! I'm talking about setting a goal to read the bible to your children. It is the best prescription for your heart and your mind that you can get your hands on... and you don't even need to get one from Canada online! Get a child's version... read to them each night. You know what.... I bet you are going to learn some things yourself! It's one of those BOGO type of gifts... you are spending time with your children (gift #1,) you are speaking words of faith (gift #2) and you are building them spiritually (gift #4.) If you are a multi-tasker like me...this is the hottest gift of the season!!!! Even if you don't go to church or have a relationship with your creator... I want you to jump off a cliff with me and try reading the bible next year with your kids. Feel free to comment on my blog if you landed at the bottom of the ravine with a back-breaking thud. I'm betting on a soft, cushioning landing that actually bounces you back up to fly higher than the cliff you jumped from.
Happy jumping... happy flying... and Happy Holidays!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
What to give your child for Christmas- Part 1
Raise your hand if you have felt like this the last two weeks.... totally overwhelmed by the sheer volume of advertising that has taken place this Christmas season. I'm not sure if I make it worse, either, because I am always on the lookout for a good deal. And, I'm a multi-tasker. And, I have, once again, committed to try and pull off way too many things. The results? Web sites with items in the cart that never get checked out, internet searches that time out, coupons clipped and sitting in my front passenger seat and only 1/4 of my Christmas shopping done. Good God, I cry out, its already the 10th! And yet, there are dozens of you that shrug in indifference because you have been done with your Christmas shopping since August 21st.
Whatever.
But it is overwhelming, isn't it? So many places to get so many different toys. I'm always faced with this question each year: Do we satisfy our son's craving and get him another video game? Or do we stray from the list, getting him something more educational...taking the risk that it might get shoved in the corner of the closet by the month's end. I love to get my kids gifts that they actually need but I'm learning that too much practical shopping is "sooooo uncool" when it comes time for the kids to return to school and compare their "I got" list with their friends. I mean, who can win at that game when you got new long underwear and a football lamp for Christmas... even if it was your favorite sports team??
I think the most amazing thing of all is that after a few months, no matter how cool, how popular or even how expensive the new toy is... it fades and loses all of its "hype." They've mastered every level, built the airship, played and won the game 14 times ... and the gift no longer holds their attention. Yet we have to hear about how AWESOME it is, how badly they need it and how they can't live without it for the four months leading up to Christmas. It reminds me of 1 Corinthians 9:24 where it says that an "athlete trains hard for his race, he's after the shiny gold medal but that it too, tarnishes and fades over time." And most presents do that, don't they? In fact, I am hard pressed to look around in my home and find a present that is much more than a decade old. O.K.... I'm sure I've got some treasures in my jewelry box, but I certainly need you to stop yourself from getting stuck on the exceptions at this point or you'll miss the following NUGGETS OF KNOWLEDGE here!
I grabbed this list of "gifts" you can give your child this year that will be worth far more than the ones we strive to put under the Christmas tree. They don't get shipped from Amazon... they can never be returned... and they definitely did not make the front page of ToysRUs. BUT.... you will never have to worry about them breaking, your children will never grow too old to use them and while they may not make the "look what I got" list come January, your child will DEFINITELY remember them for decades to come.
- You. You are the best gift you can give your child. You are his or her parent. God specifically paired you up for the job and there is no greater treasure for a child than to have your presence be his/her present. People always ask is it "quality or quantity" that is the best use of time with your child. Both are required, both are needed and both will yield the highest reward. Time is the most precious commodity because you cannot buy it back or return it...but you can invest it.
- Words. Proverbs 18:21 says The tongue can bring death or life; and it is true. Words are the most powerful gift you can give your child. Choose them well. Build their faith in who they are with your words. Correct in love with your words. It's a funny little saying, but even Thumper the rabbit got it right when he said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all." A good motto that I have been taught is, "Pray, don't say!" And there are times I slam my fist on the counter and say a quick prayer before I open my mouth because I don't want the words that I WANTED to say be words that tore my children down.... but instead, speak words that will build them up. Growing up, we remember those words from coaches, pastors, teachers.... but most of all, parents.
- Actions. Do things with your children. The wise woman who gave me the list spoke at our church last week (alright, alright, it was the world-renown Gini Smith, founding Pastor of The City Church... so if you think I just grabbed this from Letterman, now you know!) But she's speaking from a different place than where I am at. She's raised her two children and now they are out of the house, with families of their own. Time is precious... and so even though it seems like the only time you get to yourself is when you feign a trip to the bathroom just so you can lock the door... this too shall pass. So take advantage of it. I know its a bigger pain in the tail to take your kids with you as you run errands...but include them every now and then. You get a chance to model behavior, point things out, show them the turning leaves on the trees, help them count red cars, teach them how to hold a door open for someone and much more. I'm not Glenda the Good Witch over here...I know it means it will take longer, you'll get less done and probably have to go through a drive thru, but sometimes, if that's the only time you have to spend with them... forgo the sitter and take them along. It doesn't always have to be errands either.... make enough time to stop by a new park, go see the ducks in the pond or share a hot cocoa at Starbucks when you are done!
- Make plans to grow your child's heart this next coming year. Here's my soapbox for today. I think most people would agree that in general, a lot of us feel like the world is in a bad spot. Yes, there is "pay it forward" and love all around..but we've become accustomed to "gloom and doom" attitude IF you allow culture to get the best of you...would you agree? So why would we want to pass that along to our children? If the world's a scary place, then why wouldn't we equip them to rise above? If we know that our kids now need multivitamins, calcium supplements and organics to prevent disease when they are older, then we feed it to them...so please don't starve their souls! Practically speaking, here are some ideas: Teach your children about gratitude, giving and helping others. Start a gratitude journal with them and have them write in them each night.... or at least share at the dinner table or while you are tucking them in. Take up a donation jar and have them help around the house to earn money for their favorite animal shelter or food bank. We are not just fighting flesh and blood, but a spiritual war for our children's hearts. However, there is very little in the "world" that will build up their "soul" muscle unless we step in and get involved.
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