Views from the burbs: 5 Controversial New Year Resolutions for parents

Views from the burbs: 5 Controversial New Year Resolutions for parents: (Writer's update… this article had every intention of being finished and published by January 5th.  Well, there went that date… in a blu...

5 Controversial New Year Resolutions for parents

(Writer's update… this article had every intention of being finished and published by January 5th.  Well, there went that date… in a blur….  
But I believe so passionately about this topic I wanted to share it with you, regardless of when it made it  onto your screen because I think it has power to change our perspective… and a future generation.  I hope you enjoy…..)

A lot of people love New Year resolutions.  They get all fired up… make a list… write it on their mirror to remind themselves… post it on Facebook and every other media outlet and then bust into the gym (usually this is the first resolution) with brand new workout gear on only to injure a body part and call it a day.

(Image courtesy of Bodybuilding.com)

You could really substitute the gym for dieting, saving money, being nicer, etc.  Some people say they don't make resolutions because they set goals.  Same thing… now we are just arguing semantics.

But this year something really stirred in me over the holidays and I must confess that I was moved by either righteous anger, righteous disgust or righteous anxiety; none of which are states of mind I want to be in.  So, without further ado, I crossed a line in the sand (yet again) and resolved to make a list of changes I was going to implement in 2014.  (You see how I avoided the words "resolution" or "goal?" What can I say, I'm one stubborn woman.)

I feel a disclaimer is needed for the remainder of my words.  If you continue reading this, please know you may find yourself offended, rolling your eyes or even indignant.  Sorry… I suppose you can conclude that I'm either not writing to you, I'm totally foolish OR I've hit a nerve and you aren't quite ready to deal with it.  The truth is that I'm writing this to the people I hope will feel utterly liberated to join me on this quest… casting aside some of the absurdities that we've taken on in this fast-paced culture…throwing them into the landfill of unhealthy patterns and freeing ourselves up to do what is truly important.

Ready?  

1. I will limit my child's screen time.  I will be the first to take away a device as a tool for "consequences" (aka: punishment, restriction, correction)  I will request that all media devices never leave my living room, are never viewed in private or are taken to sleepovers.   I will disable  internet… Google works just fine on our home computer in our kitchen.  I will not allow applications on my child's phone just because everyone else has them.  I will audit my child's phone at any given time.  Just as pro athletes are drug tested at random, so shall my child's device.  I WILL NOT PLAY SECOND FIDDLE TO A DEVICE THAT MUST BE TURNED ON.

Is "#socialmedia" #ruining #your #Holiday #season?

Sleigh bells ring….are you listening?

In the Lane… snow is glistening….

(Unless you live in Austin, Texas like myself where it's 74 today.)

(photo credit Guy Wulf)

Back to the song….

A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight….

Happy?  HAPPY?

I'll have time to be happy after the shopping list is done, Christmas cards are out, school parties are wrapped up, bus driver gift purchased, pine needles from dried-out Christmas tree are vacuumed (again!) holiday baking complete, church craft supplies bought, and biggest-light-display-ever is in place outside in my front yard.

And…

I've successfully recorded it all on my Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat page.
(Don't forget to tweet it out…)

I mean… c'mon!  You gotta show the world how "organized" you are.  How "busy" you are.  How "involved" you are.  How "Merry" you are.

Don't misunderstand my heart… there is joy…it's just a little suppressed and choked off right now….

Do you know that I was so tired on Saturday morning that I actually took the wild advice out of some "beauty secret" column?  I probably read it during my Birthday pedicure appointment; no joke, I put hemorrhoid cream under my eyes to reduce the bags that had formed from a week of staying up way too late to finish way too many things!

(For the record… it works!)

But that's not the point, people!  The point is… we've become so fixated on all of the extras in the holiday season… and having to broadcast it out to the world…. and watch everyone else's holiday session unfold via photos scrolling down our screen…that we don't even notice if there is snow glistening down a lane.  We're too exhausted to see the "beautiful sight" and "be happy tonight."

I'm not writing today to suggest a "Mary spirit" in a Martha season.  (For those that have NO idea what I'm talking about a great passage in the Bible about 2 sisters…one's a worker and one appears to be slacking off while her sister is prepping food in the kitchen.  You can read about it here… great story to pop over to for context.)  I'll wait…..

Okay, good, we are all on the same page.  Okay, so I'm not pointing fingers at the Martha.  Fellow fan-club President of Martha…right here… I empathize with all of us who are losing hair every December. I mean, you could choose to not send out Christmas cards, do any holiday baking, stiff your nieces and nephews and skip the shopping.

Yeah, right!!!  Okay, so not very realistic… and that's why I'm not asking you to just sit at Jesus's feet for the next 8 days.

BUT…..

This time of year gets noisy.  Media is noisy.  It can be bombarding.

We see around 247 images a day.  NOT including Social Media.

And since I know you are reading this via social media of some-sort… let me land the plane and make this short…..

We'll never see if the lane is glistening… or see the beautiful sights of the season if we've got our nose buried in our phone looking at what OTHER people are doing during the holiday season.  The season is a fixed time… it only lasts a short while… it's (despite what culture has turned it into) Jesus's birthday… the Savior… the King… came to earth as a child to save us and restore us to God!!!!

Rejoice… dear friends… rejoice!!

Don't "like" what your friends are doing… get together with them!
Stop scrolling… and start enjoying.
Don't compare; share…. yourself… with others… not as a "selfie" but share your time, your resources with those in need…with those you love….

Go walk in a winter wonderland…. get quiet… keep your phone in the car…. and just soak it in.  God created a beautiful world…with beautiful people…. and a beautiful Son…. for us.

I challenge you to do something "off the grid" this week… tell me… post…what will it be?  (Ironic to post it…yes… but hopefully you'll inspire other readers to do the same!)

In honor of Thanksgiving past: stretched out yoga pants and bad ingredients

So I have an admission to make.

I've never seen Restaurant Impossible.

Until after church on Sunday.  My Pastor at Expression Church mentioned it in one of his opening stories.  You know, the ones a Pastor uses in the beginning to get you all relaxed, engaged and in your seats… the one that you are so engrossed in and following and then wha'baam… you're sucked in to whatever he wants to say next.

He's brilliant.

Mostly because God's made our pastor brilliant and partly because I have ADHD at church and the minute you pull out an organ, some responsive ritual that I don't know (and subsequently won't pay attention because I don't want to talk at the wrong time) or something that sounds very ominous or huilt-inducing… I'm out.  Surfing my phone, doodling on the announcements… out.  I would probably post on Facebook something like #countingminutestilStarbucks

So back to Restaurant Impossible.  The basic gist of the program is that the host, Robert Irvine, helps rescue flailing restaurants by coming in and consulting… giving feedback and a plan to help the restaurant succeed.  All in the timing of one show.  (Talk about your chances of being cut on the editing room floor… I bet they have HOURS of footage that gets driven down to a precise air time.)

In most episodes, Robert asks the chef to cook up all of his favorite dishes so that he could sample them.  Needless to say, all of them were inedible by Robert's standards.  I mean… bad.

Consistently, one particular piece of advice is given to the owner of the restaurant:

"You need to use different ingredients."

Now I want to give credit where credit is due… Pastor Ryan did a great job at laying out a quick analogy for this restaurant but it got me chewing on it for awhile…

Modern culture needs different ingredients.  

Today's culture isn't going to be fixed with a fancier car, a new diet plan or a "20 days to a better marriage" conference.  And, when I mean today's culture… I'm talking about what we see when we turn on the TV… read the web or the news… watch "E!" or buy "In Style" magazine.  (I refuse to hyperlink those!)  It's what we see our neighbor wearing, doing, saying, dressing like.  Culture.  The majority.  You know, "go with the flow?"  You know….

The #Kardashians?

#MileyCyrus?

The Biebs?

#snapchat?

(Yes.  I just typed with hashtags.)  And you can "humpf" all you want about the people I mentioned up above… but the reality is we all know who those people are… which means we all know a bit about pop culture.  Which means it starts to become part of our background… normal.  Can I suggest we turn this notion of "go with the flow" on it's head?

Cuz, friends, "goin' with the flow" ain't workin!

This notion of believing in a God, or Jesus.. like it's an accessory that we can just add or take off when it works for us.. isn't working.  We need to START with Jesus and add on from there.  

Here's the amazing thing… if we start with the Big Man (that would be Jesus, stay with me!) then HE actually provides the rest of the recipe.  He provides the ingredients (including you!) He even provides the "salt" that makes everything better…. 

Crickey, you don't even need cooking skills!  (PREACH!)

So as you are wearing your stretchy yoga pants for the 4th day in a row… may I offer up a suggestion as we roll into the holiday season?  May we consider what ingredients are going into our minds… our hearts… our souls?  Especially as we jump in waist-deep to a season filled with joy and awe…but also a "culture" of materialism, hurriedness and competition.  

Take a moment or two and reflect on this new "main" ingredient for your life.

What did you come up with?

Share…. what's one "bad" ingredient you can omit in your life this month?  

Tell me… post it…share and don't forget to sign up for blog posts right into your inbox (right side your screen)…especially if you are omitting FB this next month!  

Give. No GIMME!

How do we create givers?  It starts with us.

Man I hate that answer.  More work for me as a mom.  I’m thinking, “Haven’t I already given you LIFE?  Fed you?  Bathed you? (well, most the time.)  Taught you how to tie a shoe, even if it meant we missed the bus...for two weeks in a row?” 

So when I hear that there is one more thing for me to focus on, I sigh.  We all know there is no amount of talking a child into giving.  Threatening?  Perhaps.  A 5-minute diatribe on starving children in Africa?  Usually unsuccessful.  

We have to model giving.  And there is no better opportunity to model giving than to our children; we give knowing they cannot repay us.  (Except the one son that will let me move in with him when I am senile and wrinkled...but other than that, you get my heart on this, right?)  We will give 127 times to our children before they give back.  If you don’t have a child, think of a cat.  If you own a cat, you spend all this time feeding it, grooming it, picking up it’s poop out of a box filled with smelly pebbles and what do you get in return?  Some leg rubs when he/she feels like interacting with you and receiving more of your love.  That’s the best example I can give you when we’re talking about the giving ratio of a child.  (If I were talking about love I would give you a dog... if you know me, I own NEITHER... I have children to pet and eventually I don’t have to pick up their poop.)

Giving isn’t always about dollar bills and shiny bows.  Sure, we live in a culture that bombards us with materialism which is somehow morphed into the premise of giving.  How many of us have given your child the VERY thing they begged for, or hoped for… only to seen it tossed aside and forgotten about just 3 days later?  Trust me, this family has a long way to go when it comes to giving.  Read my post about last year's "ungiving" tree to get an idea of what we're dealing with at my house!

The point is, that giving of any resource is the key.  Your love.  Your time. Your energy.  Your wisdom.  Your advice.  It’s the purity of your thought behind the giving that is instilled in your child’s heart forever. 

We don’t give with the end in mind; we give out of love.  I don’t run into a lot of women who introduce their children and then tell me, “Yeah, I had them so they could take care of cleaning the kitchen.”  I am just NOW entering a season where my 10-year-old provides exceptional labor assistance... I have just NOW passed the torch on lugging in the empty garbage cans, emptying the bathroom trash and sorting laundry.  (If you aren’t there ladies... just wait... it’s coming.  And if you have a girl... I’m sure it will come earlier.)  

We give with pure intentions; to demonstrate and model the art of giving.  

Because God gives to us.  Daily.  

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”  -John 3:16

What resource do you love to give the most?  What is the hardest thing to give?  Why do you think the latter is hard for you?

The story of M & M, according to a 4 year old

I'm not a morning person.

Period.

The funny thing is, I'm really not a late night person either.  I suppose I'm kind of a 8-5 kind of gal.  By 8 am I've had two cups of dark coffee and by about five in the afternoon, I'm ready for my hubby to come home and take the reins.

God just sees our limitations and laughs.  He probably has a 6-pack of abs from laughing at me up from Heaven...I just give him so much material... jeesh.  So in spite of my "bear of a personality" morning disposition, he blesses me with a 3rd child who is a morning person.

More like a Rooster.

The world's lightest sleeper, up one minute before any alarm and happy as a clam... ready to go.. up and adam.  He's no match for my flesh until I've had a good cup of caffeine.  And even then, I'm a slow roll.... beginning with a bear wakening from hibernation to a somewhat functioning adult.

Which means that when HE wakes up with his brothers at 6:25 a.m., we end up together from 7:10 am after the bus departs from our street all the way until 9am when his preschool starts.  Precious time... I know... I know... but lets face it moms, when you finally have a child in preschool you've already HAD PLENTY of precious moments with your child.  So, nearly 2 hours with a full-burst four year old doesn't exactly make for "time-flying-by" mornings.  Sure, we've developed routines; making banana bread, 17 games of Uno, coloring, etc.  I would be lying if I didn't tell you I wasn't fully caught up on the lives of the Little Einsteins as well.

But, I do try and make sure we begin our time together by snuggling on the couch and reading out of my son's Beginner Bible.  It's a multitude of wins for us; more couch time for me to suck down a cup of coffee, getting my mind set on the word of God (because clearly there is not much in there at 6:20 am) and to ensure my son is getting HIS mind in perspective.

(Better than a bookmark... a cup of caffeine to read the word of God)

I don't care if he's four or not... it's never too early to instill the word of God...Kingdom principles... miracles of Jesus and most importantly... I want his identity to be rooted in truth because his mama is going to mess it up... repeatedly... and I want him to know Jesus's love never fails.


My 4-year old has also been reading since he turned 3 so I use this as time for him to read to me.  I usually can't find my glasses this early in the morning either, so it all works out.  He just loves the old testament stories- don't all little boys?  Today, however, I decided to break open the new testament and it landed on Mary & Martha.  My son wanted nothing to do with a story about two girls in a kitchen but I promised him the story of Jericho if he would listen to Mary & Martha first.

Deal.

For those of you not familiar with the story, let me give you the Cliff Notes version.  I realize this dates me because they aren't even called that anymore but ROLL WITH ME PEEPS....

"There were two sisters, Mary & Martha, who were friends with Jesus.  (They also had a brother Lazarus.) Jesus announced he was coming over to visit and upon his arrival, Martha got very busy preparing for his visit and making a meal.  Even though they were friends, they knew him as the Messiah and so of course it was a big deal that he was coming over.  When Jesus arrived he sat down in the living room and began to chat with the people in the house.  Martha was in and out of the kitchen, feverishly working to cook (no microwave or Trader Joe's appetizers available) and ensure the table was set properly.  Her younger sister Mary, sat at Jesus feet and just enjoyed the conversation.  Big sister Martha just about blows a gasket in frustration and finally pipes up to Jesus, "Hey, can you tell Mary to get off her tush and help me out?  Can't you see I'm sweating it out in here by myself?"  Jesus responds, "Martha.... you don't need to stress out.  Mary is actually the one who has this figured out."

Now, if you are really into theology and biblical studies, you may want to read the actual scriptures which can be found in Luke 10:38-42 (I like the New Living Translation version linked here... it's written how we would talk today;  too many "thous" and "thy's" rev up my boredom factor.

My son and I finish the story and before I give him the satisfaction of Jericho, I ask him what he thought the story of Mary & Martha meant.  His answer nearly blew me off my cushion.

"If you are too busy you won't be able to hear what Jesus is saying."

Well, that will do it.  A 4-year old is breaking down the very message of that story in a way I have never heard it explained.  Oh sure, I have always identified with Martha:

• I'm a "doer"... and "doers" are movers and shakers.
• I'm Martha...I'm responsible, resourceful... people won't eat if I'm not in there making it (or heating it up out of the package.)
• I'm the one who gets stuff done... I can't sit down... Mary is going to be living at home forever...she has no drive or ambition.

But for my child (remember, God calls us to have "child-like faith") to simply point out that when we get too busy, we can't hear Jesus talk.  Wow.

I've really wrestled with this over the course of this week.  As many of you know, I threw my back out over a week ago (thankfully just 2 protruded/bulging discs and so I'm back to rehab today) but for the last 7 days I've been horizontal and in a bit of a pain-killer haze.  Instead of just getting silent and still... I've filled my time w/ catching up on past seasons of favorite shows, googling like crazy and of course.. a lot of sleeping.  Now I'm not chastising myself, but I'm pointing out the obvious...

Graphic by: Natalie Ryder Design

This is not my default choice.  This was not Martha's default.  Please don't misunderstand the point of my message... it's actually one that should inspire us.  If you are a Martha... ROCK your Martha... plan the best parties, post on Pinterest, create.... do... serve... move... make it happen!!!!

Just know... and take my son's advice... "We can't always hear God when we're moving and shaking." Sometimes we need to stop.  Get in the room where God is speaking and listen.  

It reminds me of my middle son who gets so frustrated when he misses a question on a test because he didn't slow down to read all the way through the problem.  When we slow down, we allow our brain to rest; it's at those times, God can speak the loudest.  How many of you get your best ideas in the shower?  Because as moms, its the ONLY TIME BESIDES PEEING THAT WE GET PEACE AND QUIET!!!

So dear Marthas..... tell me one way you can slow down to hear God's beautiful voice today?  He might want to give you the answer to prayer you've been waiting for... the perfect solution to a problem you've been wrestling with.... inspiration for your next project.... whatever it is- tell me about it here and share your thoughts with the rest of us.  I'm so thankful you will.

Preschool Pollution

You would think by now that I would have known this was coming.

After all, I have three precious boys and all three of them have completed the blessed rite of passage into childhood....

If you have heard me speak before at a conference or Mother's group, you'll remember very clearly, why I support preschool.  You see, I write a check to a wonderful organization each month so that my boys will have a loving environment for a few hours each day.  

Because mom is done.

D-O-N-E.

Done making homemade playdoh, done with Diego Memory Games, done making the stuffed animals talk over and over and over again.  I mean, I don't mind getting down on the floor, but c'mon... I've been doing this since the kiddo needed tummy time!  I've been living my life in 15 minute increments- ensuring my child was properly stimulated, kept safe, learning his ABC's and preparing for standardized testing for THREE YEARS NOW.  Give the mom a break!

I think Preschool is a way better return on investment than mommy and baby therapy sessions at the family psychatrist.  And without preschool, that's exactly where we might end up!

In fact, when we found out we would be relocating to Austin, TX this summer, my first two google searches were "Homes for Sale in Austin" and "preschools near Steiner Ranch."  No joke.

And so it goes, the first day of preschool for my last child.  I'm early.  We're ready.  I've had the day circled on the calendar.  (You might be thinking "calloused, cold mama".... but at least I'm honest.)  You same people should be relieved to know that I cried like a baby as soon as I walked into my staff meeting at Expression Church that morning.  Okay, so it only lasted 5 minutes and it wasn't "blow your nose worthy" crying but there were definitely alligator tears.  I mean... this was my last, first day of preschool!!!!

So we've been grooving at preschool for about a month now... and it's my son's favorite part of the day to greet his teacher.  Thank goodness the second favorite thing to do is run into my arms when it's over!  So far, I've consistently impressed with what preschool teachers can draw out of youngsters this age.  How they memorize new songs, learn to hold scissors without taking out an eye and get along with 12 other mini-human strangers blows my mind.  Truly, preschool teachers are a gift from God!

Well... all was going well and then it happened.

If you have had a preschooler before you know what is coming next.

My child has been polluted.

By other children.

Ugh.

You know what I'm talking about.  Preschool is just as much academic as it is learning how to navigate this big world on a social level.  And that means you are going to be exposed to different children who come from different families and just do things differently.  So our sheltered little kiddos get sent off from our small, isolated worlds of the house and wham!, they are exposed to all the cultures, values and habits of other children.  Which, can be a great thing.  But not always.

First my son came home with the "defy authority" habit.  He smacks his fist on the table and tells me that I'm "making him so mad."  If you know me at all, it made me laugh at first because it was so out of character- but it was promptly dealt with and it really only lasted 2 days.

Then we had the sudden speech issue because we wanted to be just like our friend at school.  I had to explain that God was still teaching our new friend how to say her letters but that WE were going to use our words to help her along.  (My middle son took 6 years to pronounce his "L's" correctly, which was fine and I was used to it.  But to go "backwards" and have your child come home talking like Ming-Ming on the Wonder Pets was like nails on a chalkboard!)

Yesterday's gift was my child deciding he was only going to talk like a dog... just like his other new friend at school.  I have no more words to say about this subject.

Today as I was getting some much needed, often too distracted from, quiet time (what does that even mean anymore, right?) I decided to read Ephesians in my bible.  I love the message Bible, btw... tell it how it is, Hey-Seus.  

Anyhoo... ( I can tell my blood sugar is getting low, I'm getting random.)

I came across a passage that resonated with me:

Ephesians 2:1-6

 "It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah."

At first, it really reminded me of my son at preschool.  It's like his little body took in this polluted air of defiance, of speech difficulty, etc., and exhaled disobedience.  And c'mon, let's be real... it's not like I'm up here preaching that my son was a runner up for the Messiah and now he's walking around as the towne square bully.  No, not at all... but he fell subject to a world that isn't perfect... he took it all in... and kept some of it for himself.  He "tried on" what other kids were wearing to see how it would work for him.

But this is what really struck me.....

We do it too.  Whether we are followers of Christ or not.

We allow the world to fill up our lungs and we exhale it's impurities.  I'm not going to name what air you are breathing in... because it's different for all of us.

For me personally, I find it all too easy to take in the act of gossiping and judgement.  It goes on all around me, church attendee or not, Christian or not.  I find myself assimilating towards it; pretty soon, I've adopted it... just as easy as my son coming home and barking instead of talking!  Sometimes it's as easy as just doing whatever I "felt" like... (see passage above.)  How many times do I so easily fall into the snare of watching others lavishly shop beyond their means, talk down their husbands or watch inappropriate movies... and then think that it is okay to do that myself???

Friends, beware of the enemy who stalks around like a lion, seeking to destroy!  His best ploy is sneakiness.  You remember the tree of life, right?

He lies!

So don't think you are safe from the oxygen of the world.... of "culture."  Don't chalk it up to something like, "It's just the way it is these days" or "I want my kids (substitute yourself) to fit in."

In His love... he shows us mercy and envelops us in His embrace.  Resist air from any other Source! Drink in THAT oxygen and be refreshed today.


Hey, would love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment if that spoke to you...share with a friend or leave me a comment if YOU have one of those great preschool "pollution" experiences!