Give. No GIMME!

How do we create givers?  It starts with us.

Man I hate that answer.  More work for me as a mom.  I’m thinking, “Haven’t I already given you LIFE?  Fed you?  Bathed you? (well, most the time.)  Taught you how to tie a shoe, even if it meant we missed the bus...for two weeks in a row?” 

So when I hear that there is one more thing for me to focus on, I sigh.  We all know there is no amount of talking a child into giving.  Threatening?  Perhaps.  A 5-minute diatribe on starving children in Africa?  Usually unsuccessful.  

We have to model giving.  And there is no better opportunity to model giving than to our children; we give knowing they cannot repay us.  (Except the one son that will let me move in with him when I am senile and wrinkled...but other than that, you get my heart on this, right?)  We will give 127 times to our children before they give back.  If you don’t have a child, think of a cat.  If you own a cat, you spend all this time feeding it, grooming it, picking up it’s poop out of a box filled with smelly pebbles and what do you get in return?  Some leg rubs when he/she feels like interacting with you and receiving more of your love.  That’s the best example I can give you when we’re talking about the giving ratio of a child.  (If I were talking about love I would give you a dog... if you know me, I own NEITHER... I have children to pet and eventually I don’t have to pick up their poop.)

Giving isn’t always about dollar bills and shiny bows.  Sure, we live in a culture that bombards us with materialism which is somehow morphed into the premise of giving.  How many of us have given your child the VERY thing they begged for, or hoped for… only to seen it tossed aside and forgotten about just 3 days later?  Trust me, this family has a long way to go when it comes to giving.  Read my post about last year's "ungiving" tree to get an idea of what we're dealing with at my house!

The point is, that giving of any resource is the key.  Your love.  Your time. Your energy.  Your wisdom.  Your advice.  It’s the purity of your thought behind the giving that is instilled in your child’s heart forever. 

We don’t give with the end in mind; we give out of love.  I don’t run into a lot of women who introduce their children and then tell me, “Yeah, I had them so they could take care of cleaning the kitchen.”  I am just NOW entering a season where my 10-year-old provides exceptional labor assistance... I have just NOW passed the torch on lugging in the empty garbage cans, emptying the bathroom trash and sorting laundry.  (If you aren’t there ladies... just wait... it’s coming.  And if you have a girl... I’m sure it will come earlier.)  

We give with pure intentions; to demonstrate and model the art of giving.  

Because God gives to us.  Daily.  

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”  -John 3:16

What resource do you love to give the most?  What is the hardest thing to give?  Why do you think the latter is hard for you?

Preschool Pollution

You would think by now that I would have known this was coming.

After all, I have three precious boys and all three of them have completed the blessed rite of passage into childhood....

If you have heard me speak before at a conference or Mother's group, you'll remember very clearly, why I support preschool.  You see, I write a check to a wonderful organization each month so that my boys will have a loving environment for a few hours each day.  

Because mom is done.

D-O-N-E.

Done making homemade playdoh, done with Diego Memory Games, done making the stuffed animals talk over and over and over again.  I mean, I don't mind getting down on the floor, but c'mon... I've been doing this since the kiddo needed tummy time!  I've been living my life in 15 minute increments- ensuring my child was properly stimulated, kept safe, learning his ABC's and preparing for standardized testing for THREE YEARS NOW.  Give the mom a break!

I think Preschool is a way better return on investment than mommy and baby therapy sessions at the family psychatrist.  And without preschool, that's exactly where we might end up!

In fact, when we found out we would be relocating to Austin, TX this summer, my first two google searches were "Homes for Sale in Austin" and "preschools near Steiner Ranch."  No joke.

And so it goes, the first day of preschool for my last child.  I'm early.  We're ready.  I've had the day circled on the calendar.  (You might be thinking "calloused, cold mama".... but at least I'm honest.)  You same people should be relieved to know that I cried like a baby as soon as I walked into my staff meeting at Expression Church that morning.  Okay, so it only lasted 5 minutes and it wasn't "blow your nose worthy" crying but there were definitely alligator tears.  I mean... this was my last, first day of preschool!!!!

So we've been grooving at preschool for about a month now... and it's my son's favorite part of the day to greet his teacher.  Thank goodness the second favorite thing to do is run into my arms when it's over!  So far, I've consistently impressed with what preschool teachers can draw out of youngsters this age.  How they memorize new songs, learn to hold scissors without taking out an eye and get along with 12 other mini-human strangers blows my mind.  Truly, preschool teachers are a gift from God!

Well... all was going well and then it happened.

If you have had a preschooler before you know what is coming next.

My child has been polluted.

By other children.

Ugh.

You know what I'm talking about.  Preschool is just as much academic as it is learning how to navigate this big world on a social level.  And that means you are going to be exposed to different children who come from different families and just do things differently.  So our sheltered little kiddos get sent off from our small, isolated worlds of the house and wham!, they are exposed to all the cultures, values and habits of other children.  Which, can be a great thing.  But not always.

First my son came home with the "defy authority" habit.  He smacks his fist on the table and tells me that I'm "making him so mad."  If you know me at all, it made me laugh at first because it was so out of character- but it was promptly dealt with and it really only lasted 2 days.

Then we had the sudden speech issue because we wanted to be just like our friend at school.  I had to explain that God was still teaching our new friend how to say her letters but that WE were going to use our words to help her along.  (My middle son took 6 years to pronounce his "L's" correctly, which was fine and I was used to it.  But to go "backwards" and have your child come home talking like Ming-Ming on the Wonder Pets was like nails on a chalkboard!)

Yesterday's gift was my child deciding he was only going to talk like a dog... just like his other new friend at school.  I have no more words to say about this subject.

Today as I was getting some much needed, often too distracted from, quiet time (what does that even mean anymore, right?) I decided to read Ephesians in my bible.  I love the message Bible, btw... tell it how it is, Hey-Seus.  

Anyhoo... ( I can tell my blood sugar is getting low, I'm getting random.)

I came across a passage that resonated with me:

Ephesians 2:1-6

 "It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah."

At first, it really reminded me of my son at preschool.  It's like his little body took in this polluted air of defiance, of speech difficulty, etc., and exhaled disobedience.  And c'mon, let's be real... it's not like I'm up here preaching that my son was a runner up for the Messiah and now he's walking around as the towne square bully.  No, not at all... but he fell subject to a world that isn't perfect... he took it all in... and kept some of it for himself.  He "tried on" what other kids were wearing to see how it would work for him.

But this is what really struck me.....

We do it too.  Whether we are followers of Christ or not.

We allow the world to fill up our lungs and we exhale it's impurities.  I'm not going to name what air you are breathing in... because it's different for all of us.

For me personally, I find it all too easy to take in the act of gossiping and judgement.  It goes on all around me, church attendee or not, Christian or not.  I find myself assimilating towards it; pretty soon, I've adopted it... just as easy as my son coming home and barking instead of talking!  Sometimes it's as easy as just doing whatever I "felt" like... (see passage above.)  How many times do I so easily fall into the snare of watching others lavishly shop beyond their means, talk down their husbands or watch inappropriate movies... and then think that it is okay to do that myself???

Friends, beware of the enemy who stalks around like a lion, seeking to destroy!  His best ploy is sneakiness.  You remember the tree of life, right?

He lies!

So don't think you are safe from the oxygen of the world.... of "culture."  Don't chalk it up to something like, "It's just the way it is these days" or "I want my kids (substitute yourself) to fit in."

In His love... he shows us mercy and envelops us in His embrace.  Resist air from any other Source! Drink in THAT oxygen and be refreshed today.


Hey, would love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment if that spoke to you...share with a friend or leave me a comment if YOU have one of those great preschool "pollution" experiences!

My last two and a half hours....

I should probably consider buying myself a journal and just write in that every day.  Oh wait, I have several journals (some empty, some with a few entries, some with to-do lists) that I already possess.  I think the hardest part is remembering to be consistent.  Because life happens....and it happens fast.  Details unravel...there are highs...there are lows.... most things work themselves out....

To try and catch someone up to speed can take pages of writing.  Oh sure, there is the "male" version I could give you... "I have three boys...they are nuts... I'm becoming nuts... we're moving...again... yes, I know... again."

But c'mon... God made me a WOMAN which means I need to give you every detail, every back-story so you will COMPLETELY understand why...oh why... I look completely frazzled and in the same gym clothes I was in yesterday.  If I didn't tell you everything, well, then... I appear pathetic.  If I drag you through the highs and lows...why, then...I appear to have superwoman strength just to be there talking about it!!!!

(Does blogger still wrestle with a strong need to perform?  Check.)

So here I am... in front of the Starbucks to borrow their Wi-fi (I'm going to get my cup of coffee... jeesh... it's not like I'm free loading... but if I go in, I'll see someone I know, make up excuses and not ever get a chance to write... I'm very honest that I lack willpower!) but I'm trying my best to get a post in.... I've got a great one up my sleeve about God's nutty journey the last few weeks but........but....

I have two and a half hours left.

See...some people cry and get wistful.  I do.  I DO!  I do get choked up.. at the most random of things... the national anthem.  Seeing soldiers come home.  The end of my kiddos sports games (especially when they come and clap for US at the end of the game... be still my beating heart!!!)

But the end of City Kids PRESCHOOL?

Uh... no.  I don't get wispy.  I get sad.  Very sad.  A bit panicked and sad.

I really love those of you who are gasping and wondering if you should call protective child services on me right now.  I love you because I'm AMAZED by you.... you are such great moms!!!

I love my kids, don't get me wrong.  But the end of preschool is like a probation officer coming to my house and greeting me at the front door with a low-jack ankle bracelet.

I will now be reduced to a 30 foot radius for the entire summer break.  I can't hear it go off, but my preschooler can.  If I go upstairs to pee... only 10 seconds go by before I hear, "mom?"  "MOM?"  If I head to the garage for a minute... "mom?"  "MOM?"  It must sound off like a dog whistle... which apparently my son can hear because for the last week he's insisted he's a dog and simply barks for water or food.

Awesome.


Why, preschool directors, why?  Why do we have to end earlier than our school-aged siblings?  It's like a band-aid being ripped off over an 8 day period.  Leg hair, by leg hair... my freedom is being ripped away from me.... my ability to shop down an entire aisle and look at new products, read labels and not have to avoid the dessert section..... gone.   For the next 3 months I will no longer be able to get through Target without opening up the $1 package of God-knows-what-is-in-them animal crackers to keep someone in their shopping cart so we're not consistently calling out his name on the store intercom.

Gone are outisde runs with my Ipod; not accompanied by a stroller, 17 stops to look at bugs, feed ducks, collect leaves, pee outside, open snacks and head back after 700 feet because someone has to poop.

Gone are having full thoughts, full sentences or full cups of coffee without having to microwave it.

Don't get me wrong... I love my children.  I really do.  But it's not like I was a miserable person contemplating the meaning of life before I had them.  So... for these 9 months I have relished my two and a half hours, three days a week, in which I get to visit the ghost of "Erin past."

Silence.

Talk radio.

Phone calls... even 7+ minute phone calls....

Suddenly, snack requests, shaving foam paintings and ominous "Thursday share days" sound delightful.  Hustling out the door, always running back for our tote bag or stuffed animal leaves me wanting more... more... more of those!

I'm reminded of the lyrics in a Counting Crows song, "Why does it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone...."

Readers... it's been so nice to share these last few minutes with you.  It has been a treat.  I can't promise you when I might write to you again... I can't promise you the sentences will be coherent.... I'm thankful you can't hear screaming while I type.  Doesn't really matter if it's mine or my children's.  I'm thankful I don't "vlog" because you'd see me with those gym pants from yesterday and a stringy pony-tail.... mascara from April.

A parallel universe I am sure we can all relate to.... to love our little nuggies so much...so much it hurts...so much that we read other really great blogs from inspiring moms who are telling us how to raise our children even better.... but to also cry.. just a little bit.... that in now THIRTY minutes... my school-break is coming to an end....

Let the duck-feeding, bug-hunting and skipping the dessert aisle at the grocer BEGIN!!!

(Hey... you know that most of what I type is REAL but certainly not enough to call the police on, right?  So... throw me a bone...anyone else dress in black the last day of school?  Let me know!)

What you do matters!

I spend most of my time encouraging other moms to stop and rest.

Well, now, like so many other things in life, I'm telling you to do the exact opposite.

What?

Shut the front door.

(No... I am not drinking...well, other than my 3rd cup of coffee.  Stop judging, get back to reading...like YOU didn't hit the Starbucks drive through this morning, Ms skinny Venti Gingerbread Latte woman?)

Sorry.

Little fired up over here.

It struck me that after my last post, Litmus tests for moms, that we do a lot.... I mean... a TON.  Not just as moms but as wives, friends, neighbors and daughters.  If you are dude reading this, please simply insert your own titles here.... because I love my dude readers but lets be honest here...most y'all reading this have a uterus so I'm just keeping my audience targeted, okay?

And I love that I have a husband who really, truly believes and more importantly, TELLS PEOPLE that I keep this ship running around here.  It's also, of course, what makes me the:

• Debbie Downer
• Military Drill Sergeant
• Prudish Penny

I mean, lets face it, bottoms aren't wiped clean, noses run, fingers become silverware utensils, shin guards get moldy and kids get left at school like abandoned kittens if its just all fun and games all day long!!!

Honest though?

If we're going to be real....

Sometimes, I have a hard time seeing how important I really am!!!

I know, I know... we all long for that moment when our son or daughter is accepting a distinguished award and they get up on the podium, shake hands and then nervously lean into the microphone to say, 

"I just want to thank my mom.  For everything.  I would not be here today if it wasn't for her."

But until that time...what are we left with to validate just how hard we work?
It dawned on me this morning...as I was talking to a friend who had 30 minutes to pack her bags and get out the door to the airport.

(Remember the days when you used to start laying your clothes out for an upcoming trip DAYS before?   Snort.)

You need to go away, mom.
Go somewhere... without your kids.... even if it is just 24 hours.
Here's why:

It will force you to deploy operation: "life without mom."  

DISCLAIMER: THIS CANNOT BE DONE WITHOUT ADVANCE NOTICE TO ALL PARTIES.... I REPEAT... ADVANCE NOTICE TO ALL PARTIES REQUIRED!

Why?  Because this is what needs to happen in order for you to hang up your mom hat for a period of time:

1.  Food and meals will need to be prepared in advance.  Low hanging fruit, low hanging fruit people!  Easy to peel, easy to heat, easy to serve meals that do not entirely consist of cold cereal...which is what would happen if you did not shop specifically for the time you were going to be gone.  

2.  Absolutely every bit of clothing must be washed, dried, folded and delivered to its appropriate room.  Might I suggest putting it away yourself this time so that little Johnny does not even ATTEMPT to design his own outfit should you miss something like picture day, share day, line leader day, etc....any day where a photo might be taken.

3.  The house must be cleaned.  Listen people... your home will be operating on a power play....it will not even be close to man-to-man coverage.  It's about minimizing risks... you can't afford for little feet to step on legos, less you have prepared emergency first aid kits readily available in every room.  You will not be there to search for Barbie's chiropractic-adjustments-required-high-heel-shoes that are currently located under the ottoman.  You know this because you know...and you are there... and when you leave... you won't be able to hear..."moooooommmmmmmmmmmm" from every room in the house.  Clean now...thank me later.

4.  Carpools.  Oh... I cannot stress this enough...get on it early... make an excel spreadsheet and stock up on homemade jam, Starbucks cards, and candles.... while the suck-up gifts are not necessarily needed right now, you better believe they are the second time you ask!!!  Should you ask to reciprocate in the future?  Absolutely?  Do I ever get taken up on it?  No...because everyone else seems to have their cr*p together!!!!  (Gotta keep it clean for the Pastors who read this!)

5.  Carpools..again....because this is 2 number worthy.  Once you have carpools you need to confirm, re-confirm, make sure everyone has the cell phone number and PAD THE TIME TO HAVE YOUR KID READY BY 15 MINUTES!  Trust you me, that mini-van driving mama with 3 hollering kids on her way to the Birthday party is in NO MOOD to have YOUR kid the one who's running late.  You want your kids taken for a ride in the future... you need to plan and visualize for your child curb-side and ready to load like a passenger waiting for a taxi at  Chicago O'Hare... MOVE IT KIDDO!

6.  Lastly, you'll need a Word Doc or email outlining the exact schedule of the time you will be gone.  No...not what you  are doing...but what everyone else needs to be doing.  Exact location of back-packs, water-bottles, wrapped birthday presents, field locations for game days, etc. After all, you won't be there to do all of what you do.  I will NEVER throw my husband under the bus, but even if I were to leave my hubby in charge of the whole house for a couple of days, I would need to put some of our dirty little secrets in writing:

• My oldest son will try and sneak through the day without brushing his teeth...you have to smell his mouth before sending out the door or tucking in at night.
• One son likes the cran-apple juice in his lunch, the other is straight apple-juice.  Do NOT confuse the two.
• You must hold my youngest son's penis when peeing in the potty... he doesn't want to.  Yes... I am being absolutely serious here.
• One son needs door open, one son needs door closed and one needs door closed but sound-maker on to a specific noise in order to fall asleep.  Get it wrong and you'll have 3 "second-wind night owls who resemble a Red-Bull addict.

Just sayin...

So moms... don't be defeated by this list... get your hero cape on and make it happen.. you know how to sling a child on one hip, correct homework and listen to a squeaky, want-to-poke-your-eyes-out rendition of Amazing Grace on the recorder all at the same time.... now just write all of that down for the person who is going to take your place for a day or two....or three.... or... 

oh, now I'm just daydreaming....

Happy Trails!

Oh hey wait...before I hit 10,000 feet this morning ...tell me about how YOU get out of town?  Tips?  Do you avoid it because it is just too much work or do you have it down to a science?