Is 2014 running you ragged already?

Every January, my calendar gets insanely clogged up.  Social dates with friends to make up for the hustle and bustle of the holidays, dentists & doctors I cancelled on in December and appointments with the gym (because every self-help article says make it an appointment…whatever.)  

In addition, I'm in the full-sprint season of launching a new church in Austin, and as some of you might know, January is the time of new routines for most every human being.  The result is that church is FULL of new people to meet, greet and connect in our church.

By February, however, most of my personal calendar is wiped clean because I realize my life is unsustainable at that pace.  The first week of February left me gasping for air and sleeping 9 hours a night…. wondering if I had taken up some primal form of hibernation or if I had just gone plum crazy thinking I could run at this pace.

But wait….January was all about new beginnings….new goals…. reaching for the stars…. now I'm so tired I can't even reach my shoelaces!

Friends, have you been there?  I'm just going to be honest here and tell you that I have…. and I was.. 

I think this post might be for both of us.

"Because NOT giving up is a conscious decision." 

(Care to tweet?)

And we can do this.

If 2014 is already consuming you, overwhelming you or letting you down, can I just encourage you to press on?  Don't be paralyzed by your discouragement, fear or insecurities.  This is not the time to second guess yourself… you haven't been in the game long enough!


This feeling reminds me of my kids basketball games.  I may have already needed to let go of a few calendar obligations, but getting my kids to their sports games remains a priority.  I can't make every game, but I sure do love to watch them play.  Here's something I've noticed about kiddos…

When the game remains close (within 2-6 points,) the kids go after each possession with vigor, determination…. a "full-court" press, if you will.  But when the gap gets bigger than 8+ points, even my oldest son, who is in 5th grade, will lose steam in his effort.  You can watch the team become erratic, panicked OR watch them deflate… slow down….. give up.

We can really become taller versions of kids sometimes, can't we?  Have you ever found yourself making erratic decisions… panicking…..lobbing a ball from half-court in a wild effort to gain ground?  Or maybe you take the other direction and slump to the bench with a towel over your head.

Friends, this is not a time to loosen your laces.  Instead…. even if you don't feel like it… it's time to suit up and get back on the court!

Why?

Because fear blocks your destiny.  Quitting before you reach that which you were going after will never get you where you wanted to be.  Besides, your coach hasn't given up on you.  He hasn't sent you to the locker room.  He's PATIENTLY, LOVINGLY waiting for you to get back on the court.

That's right.  Your being coached by the one who never gives up.  You see, Jesus has watched you every day of your life.  He is the one who planted the desires and passions in your heart.  (And you thought you were so cool you dreamed them up yourself…sorry to burst the bubble.)  

The truth is, Jesus is your biggest cheerleader because when YOU complete your dreams, it points the way for others to follow Him.  So of course he's going to give you the best game plan to get there!  Now in case you are being stubborn, I'm not just dreaming this up.. check this out:

1 Thessalonians 5:24 (NLT)

"God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful."

Philippians 1:6 (NLT)
"…God, who began a good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day Jesus Christ returns."

I'm no SAT score master, but it looks like your coach isn't giving up on you.  He will help you make it happen (through your faith) AND since Jesus hasn't returned, you still got time on the clock to finish this game!

So what's left?

A change of attitude.  A fresh declaration of your faith.  Trust.

I'm asking you to do it one more time.  And then, when you've lost perspective….do it one more time again…. and again… until your dreams and goals come to pass.  

So many of us give up when the finale is right around the corner.

You've got it in you; otherwise, God wouldn't have put it on your heart in the first place. So what do you say we run this race together… in faith…. knowing that our coach knows exactly what's on our plate… he knows our opponent and the obstacles we face…but he also sees the end…. and he says, "It's good… more than you could think or imagine!"

Friends…what about you?  Is your year a close game or do you find the point spread getting too far already?  Did this help?  Take a moment to talk back to me in cyberspace and let me know you are here!

If you like… or you think a friend would like…I'm not selfish… "share!"

5 Controversial New Year Resolutions for parents

(Writer's update… this article had every intention of being finished and published by January 5th.  Well, there went that date… in a blur….  
But I believe so passionately about this topic I wanted to share it with you, regardless of when it made it  onto your screen because I think it has power to change our perspective… and a future generation.  I hope you enjoy…..)

A lot of people love New Year resolutions.  They get all fired up… make a list… write it on their mirror to remind themselves… post it on Facebook and every other media outlet and then bust into the gym (usually this is the first resolution) with brand new workout gear on only to injure a body part and call it a day.

(Image courtesy of Bodybuilding.com)

You could really substitute the gym for dieting, saving money, being nicer, etc.  Some people say they don't make resolutions because they set goals.  Same thing… now we are just arguing semantics.

But this year something really stirred in me over the holidays and I must confess that I was moved by either righteous anger, righteous disgust or righteous anxiety; none of which are states of mind I want to be in.  So, without further ado, I crossed a line in the sand (yet again) and resolved to make a list of changes I was going to implement in 2014.  (You see how I avoided the words "resolution" or "goal?" What can I say, I'm one stubborn woman.)

I feel a disclaimer is needed for the remainder of my words.  If you continue reading this, please know you may find yourself offended, rolling your eyes or even indignant.  Sorry… I suppose you can conclude that I'm either not writing to you, I'm totally foolish OR I've hit a nerve and you aren't quite ready to deal with it.  The truth is that I'm writing this to the people I hope will feel utterly liberated to join me on this quest… casting aside some of the absurdities that we've taken on in this fast-paced culture…throwing them into the landfill of unhealthy patterns and freeing ourselves up to do what is truly important.

Ready?  

1. I will limit my child's screen time.  I will be the first to take away a device as a tool for "consequences" (aka: punishment, restriction, correction)  I will request that all media devices never leave my living room, are never viewed in private or are taken to sleepovers.   I will disable  internet… Google works just fine on our home computer in our kitchen.  I will not allow applications on my child's phone just because everyone else has them.  I will audit my child's phone at any given time.  Just as pro athletes are drug tested at random, so shall my child's device.  I WILL NOT PLAY SECOND FIDDLE TO A DEVICE THAT MUST BE TURNED ON.

Do you speed-date through life?

I don't know about you, but I love a good party.  Now, what defines a "good" party for you may be different from me... and its certainly different from the kind of party I used to go in search of when I was a reckless young adult.  (So thankful for God's forgiveness... and that those days are behind me!)  So, to define... a good party to me would have:

Amazing food. (You know, the kind that is so good you don't have to eat before you arrive?  The kind that you could never have the patience to make on your own... the kind that makes Pinterest look like a valid and achievable website.)

Amazing beverages.  Fermented or not, I'm talking about mixologist wonders of the world.

Great dress attire.  I mean, what girl doesn't love dressing up???  So far, most of my life residency has consisted of Seattle, WA, Portland OR and Austin, TX; none of these being the fashion capitals of the world.  In fact, I went to the opening night of the symphony in Portland one time and sat next to a guy in a Gap sweatshirt, Jeans and Berkenstocks.  Needless to say, I in my long dress and pearls, was not mistaken to be his date for the night.

I'm missing something.... good party requirements... hmmm.  Music...yes, good music... maybe even a bit to dance to, depending on the occasion.  Everyone needs to get their Michael Jackson on.

No children.  (Duh.)

In fact, my ideal party would look something like this....

Okay, so you get the image I am trying to paint... gorgeous atmosphere... amazing food... music... hmmm... anything else?

Oh yes, people.  

Ahhh, now THAT is a variable, isn't it?  The ideal party...would you surround it with everyone you knew.... would you make it a party where you got to meet lots of exciting people, new BFF's people that would ultimately shape your life.... or would you hodgepodge the mix?

While I personally wouldn't want to miss out on a new BFF or amazing people who would play an integral part of shaping my life, it's so much easier to hang out and talk with your friends.  Your "crew."  The ones you don't have to die a slow death of small-talk with.

You know what I mean.  We've all been there.  You are mingling at some event and you meet a new person.  This situation pretty much boils down to three outcomes:

1. You'll have a familiar face the next time you cross paths and can once again discuss the weather, local sports teams and the stuffed mushrooms being passed around.
2. Sending your date or spouse "the look" 5-7 times before they understand you desperately need to be rescued out from a conversation that makes you jealous of those who are currently undergoing  a root canal... because truth be told you'd rather be having dental work performed than continuing to converse with this person.
3. You and your new "contact" exchange information and actually do what you say and follow up with each other to set a time where you can hang out again... a new friendship is formed.

The amazing thing is that all of that happens in the course of a few minutes.  In between the music, the food (oh my goodness, the food) and the mingling, we really only have a short time to decide where our conversations are going...and how we are going to categorize the person we're talking to.

Isn't it fair to say that it doesn't really matter if we've been set up by Match.com or forced to attend a work function with our spouse... most of our introductions to people... our first "interactions" or "exchanges" with people are pretty much like speed dating.  Within about 2 minutes you know whether this person is ever going to make your radar again or not.

Scoff, stop reading and ponder for a minute or do what you need to do... but I feel like I just landed on a big one.  

Because when we get right down to it, we realize we might be passing by some God-given relationships in our life.

Now of course I can write and say, "Don't judge a book by it's cover" but we're adults and we've said it and read it so much it's lost it's flavor.  But it's true.  We speed-date people and decide... based on a couple of minutes... seconds.... LOOK-OVERS (gasp...what???) that this person is "in" or "out" in our life.  Ever thought any of these next few thoughts?

One or two looks at that gal's outfit tells me she's had a wild life and trying to find "30" again when CLEARLY I guess she's about 41... did she borrow her daughter's outfit?  Ugh, I don't need THAT kind of woman in my circle of friends.

Oh, I see that guy every week in church... and look at him holding a beer.  I bet it's his 3rd.  Hypocrite.

Wow... that was such a boring conversation with Devon's mom.  All she cares about is the safety of her children diet in the schools...she's paranoid... my kids would RUN OVER her kids... better not accept any play dates. 

Wow.

Kind of easy to do, isn't it?

We adopt a bit of a "Been there, done that" attitude towards people, don't we?

Hey, look folks, I am being REALLY VULNERABLE here.  If I were preaching, I'd ask for a few "amens" right about now so I could keep going and not pee my pants of embarrassment on stage.  Rotten thoughts... but I have sooooo gone there.

But here's the kicker... life isn't meant to be done like speed dating... life is relationships.  And relationships don't get built on cocktail-party timelines.  They get built layer by layer, each time we interact... because people are not static...they are dynamic, growing and changing. 

Last week, Pastor Ryan Malouff at Expression Church preached a message on "been there, done that."  He was trying to illustrate how many of us think we have God figured out... so we stop growing the relationship.    Or even paying attention to the relationship.  Or even paying attention to the idea itself!  We kick it into the box of "religion" and give our spouse "the look" to get outta there.

We can't speed date Jesus.  

We can't think, "Oh, there's that God thing again.  Been there.  Done that." and brush off our hands.

Jesus came so we would have a living example of what God is like.  He left but gave us the holy spirit, our resident "holy helper" to be with us always... so we could converse, spend time together in prayer and worship... attend cocktail parties to encourage those around us.  And that is just how our relationship with Jesus should be. 

I hope that today you'll not only pray for a new approach as to how you see and interact with people...that maybe you'll spend a bit more time before you let God tell you if this is a person you are supposed to have in your life, regardless of your personal opinions about that person.  But I also pray you would go and visit that table where Jesus was sitting... when you were so busy speed dating that you took one look at Him and decided that you had him all figured out and left the table.  I pray you would sit back down and begin a great new relationship with Him.

The coolest thing is that he's ALWAYS available to talk AND will love you even if your appetizers didn't turn out like the Pinterest picture.  (Just sayin')

Is there someone you can go back to and invest in?  Share your thoughts with me, leave a comment!- I'd love to hear!

Thanks for reading... be sure to "join" the site by clicking the button on the right or find me in Google circles so you don't miss a post!

How to deal with people who judge you

True or false...

I lie awake at night processing my day and most of what keeps me awake is naming my blog posts.

True.

Ha!  Isn't that hilarious?  Well, probably not because you aren't inside my head...but I guess as I am admitting this to you then I'm disclosing that I am actually kept up at night trying to come up with clever enough titles to make you read my blog.

I suppose my "writing just for me" excuse just flew out the door.  Ahhhh, we are ALL filled with vanity, are we not?  I guess it just pops up in the most peculiar of places for each one of us.

I have friends who will clean like a bat outta ... well, you know... to prepare for guests coming over.  Now, I'm all for putting the 324 toys laying on the floor in their respective spot but if you come to MY house, do NOT look at the floors too closely nor will I suggest taking off your socks.  Because while my floors needed a sweep before you came over... they most certainly will after you and your four children leave.

Indeed.

We all have our vanity.  Where's yours lurking?

Here's why I suggest we take a moment to find them.  Not because I want you to ditch them (although may I highly recommend you take some time to reflect on your vanities or obsessions with perfection and ask yourself "how is this important to becoming the person God wants me to be?"

Oh.... I know I just got a few back browsers "taps of the mouse" on that one.  Relax... I'm not going heavy on you...

today.  :)

Take a moment to find out where are imperfections are.   What do we unnecessarily obsess or worry about?

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."   Matthew 6:34 NIV

Amen to that!

Where is your hidden vanity?  Is it your appearance?  Is it "trying to impress?"  Is it false humility?
Now, I promised I wouldn't harp on it but I will ask you to do this.  Flip the coin.  Yeah... its like taking your smart phone camera and swapping it from taking a picture of yourself and flip it around to look at the person in front of you.  What do you see?

Do you see the imperfections?  The faults?  The "dust bunnies in the corner he/she didn't sweep before they came over?"  Or, do you see a work-in-progress?

I challenge your inner heart that what we probably see first is a flurry of judgments flying through our rain at an amazing speed:
-What is she wearing?
-Can you believe his suit?
-He's short.  She's really tall.
-Can you believe she's talking to her kids that way?
-He was sooooo rude.
-She's so obnoxious.
-He's so full of himself.
-They were awkward.
- At least I'm skinnier than her.
-At least I make more than him.

Hey.  It's okay.  It's normal.  Remember, we are sinners...our hearts fell away from God (darn that Eve!) and so we're left with free will...which was God's original gift when he formed us but we're also left with a huge sense of unsatisfaction that leaves us yearning...yearning...yearning.

And it's when we're yearning for something else that we begin to stack rank the world around us.

The problem is we are doing in within a snapshot of time.

If you came to my door at 4:45pm, you can see through to the family room and it resembles an ill-run daycare; toys, blankets and stuffed animals litter the room.  If you come to my door at 9pm (which you should not, by the way) then you would see an orderly ensemble of "for the most part" matching furniture and decor... and no toys visible.

We are all transforming into our final masterpiece.... and to look at us once and make a conclusive judgment doesn't just sell us short of our potential...but it sells you short too.

If you look in the oven at something that is "half baked" it's a work in progress...and we all are, aren't we?  How many opportunities for friendships, relationships, networking, etc. have we passed right by because we made a split-descision judgment about someone?

Guarantee if you waited on me at Nordstrom since I became a mom of 3 boys you looked at my oven while I was "half baked."  Not because I was literally half baked (although I might have resembled symptoms!) but because the outburst to my children as they walked UP the DOWN escalator or whacked each other with shoe-department balloons isn't my 24-7 demeanor with my children.  It was a moment of time...stacked between thousands of other minutes of my life in which I have demonstrated unbelievable back-breaking love, concern and patience with my children.

I AM... A WORK IN PROGRESS

YOU ARE.... A WORK IN PROGRESS

WE ARE ALL.....WORKS IN PROGRESS

Wanna change the world?  Suspend the stack ranking... and look to gain from one another instead of turning off the oven light with judgement ruling our hearts.

3 resources we need to thrive

I think coming back from a tropical vacation may very well be one of the hardest things to do.  Especially, in late winter.  Especially when it was a vacation without kids.  (Quite honestly, I don't understand people who call traveling with kids a vacation.  No, it is not.  It might be an "adventure"...it might be a "trip" but a vacation, it is not.)  My husband and I spent 6 glorious, sun-filled (mostly) days exploring the big island of Hawaii.  We swam with sea turtles, zip-lined, explored lava flows and watched amazing sunsets.  Oh, and we laid around like beach bums... a little bit.  The biggest epiphany in our six days is that we really suck at relaxing.  I mean...we REALLY need to work at it.

So if you are like me, returning from a vacation flows about as smoothly as a rocket re-entering the atmosphere.  It's awkward, it's shaky...it's with brute force and it's not pretty.  You return to your daily routines as if vacation was on some other time continuum  that sucked you into its vortex and then spit you back out like a whale who accidentally mistaken you for krill.  Back to laundry, meal preparation, homework to be monitored, music practice, carpools, finding lost homework, baseball caps and athletic supporters; reminders to brush teeth, floss teeth, wash hands, wipe bums and for Goodness's sake, get your finger out of your nose!

Quite honestly, I didn't realize how much I did to ensure that this house runs on all four wheels until I returned.  And while I wouldn't trade the season I am in, in just 3 days back from vacation I am wiped out.  I mean, hit the pillow and hear me snore, wiped out.

How does that happen?  I don't care if you are a high-flying executive carrying $100 bills in your wallet or if you are a coupon-clippin', play-date organizing mom.. returning back from a vacation throws us into the deep end of the pool.  I scratched my head at all the people who visited Hawaii and simply never returned...happy to wander the streets of Kona and conduct...shall we say.... "agricultural crops that could be used for medicinal purposes" transactions?  I don't get the selling weed part...but I certainly can see the allure of living at 25 miles and hour instead of the 74 (so we don't get a speeding ticket) that we seem to pace ourselves at.  Daily life, my friends...is a life-long race...yet we run it at a sprint.

You don't have to be Usain Bolt to know you can't sprint a long distance race... you have to slow down...and rely on your resources.  Long distance runners need a few things to help the finish a race:
-Water
-Supplements
-A crowd of supporters cheering them on

Long distance runners know that they cannot persevere and come out victorious if they work "solo mio."  (Taken from the movie Cars.... Lightning McQueen worked by himself without a pit crew and it cost him the race...he blew out tires.... C'mon... you know you've all seen it!)

So often, we are like Lightning McQueen...aren't we?  "No, I can do this...I'm fine."  "No, really, I got this."  "Oh, thank you for offering but we're fine."  Look at us...we're basically knocking over the water station tables, passing up the supplement gels when the going gets tough and plugging our ears at the cheering crowds!  How isolating.  How depressing.   How easy to get sucked into a "woe is me, I must run this course alone."

No we don't.  That's junk talking.  Pride.  Pity.  Doesn't really matter how we label it in our 5 minutes together... you can go back and do a heart check later to determine why you refuse the help.  For now, I'll give you three tools for running your race of life:

-water
-supplements
-A crowd of supporters cheering you on

Since I am someone who likes to cross stuff off my list, allow me to help you unpack these items for a better understanding:

1.  WATER: The living water is the word of God.  It's the Bible...and let me rock your world with this: it's full of inspiration, truth, knowledge and any other nugget of a word you need to get motivated enough to open it up.  Try not to start in the chapters titled "Numbers" or "Leviticus"....that's like venturing off breaded pork chops and trying a bowl full of KimChee.  Instead.... read Hebrews, Corinthians, Romans.... and give yourself a boost of encouragement!

2.  SUPPLEMENTS: Is answered prayer....it supplies us with what we need.  Yet we have not because we ask not.  My friends, God wants to bless you over and over and over again.... he is in love with you!  When our child asks for a hug, do we deny them?  Of course not; we pick them up in our arms and hold them, never wanting to let go....and that is exactly how it is with our Heavenly Father.  You don't need to have some "religious dictionary" and say all these big puffy words that make you sound like you went to church your whole life.  Just talk to the Man.... what are you feeling?  What could you really use right now?  Start with that... He loves to give good things to those who love him.  (My translation of Matthew 7:11)

3.  SUPPORTERS: You already have a crowd of supporters and fans!


“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2).


Your support team is the millions of people who already have a relationship with Jesus....they are like one big extended family (God help the family reunion....some seriously bad t-shirts headed our way, right?)  In all seriousness, people who share the commonality of Jesus are a huge network that is cheering you along.  They have your back.  And so does Jesus.  Don't be afraid to refuse help...its sometimes God's way of answering your prayers.  Email a friend...text a friend.... grab coffee or gather your kids at a park with another compadre....but don't do life by yourself!!!


So even as I sat this morning and grumbled at my children for not appreciating my short-order cook efforts, separated the older two for squabbling and picked Playdoh out of the carpet... I was reminded of the fact that I tend to try and race by myself....solo mio.  No wonder I am burnt out after 72 hours of being back from vacation.  The only way to avoid it is to run our race of endurance with water, supplements and supporters (not the athletic kind.)


Oh friends, I hope you have enjoyed my "on paper processing" as I go through everyday life situations.  May this post be like a new pair of running shoes to help you run your race with success!