Do you speed-date through life?

I don't know about you, but I love a good party.  Now, what defines a "good" party for you may be different from me... and its certainly different from the kind of party I used to go in search of when I was a reckless young adult.  (So thankful for God's forgiveness... and that those days are behind me!)  So, to define... a good party to me would have:

Amazing food. (You know, the kind that is so good you don't have to eat before you arrive?  The kind that you could never have the patience to make on your own... the kind that makes Pinterest look like a valid and achievable website.)

Amazing beverages.  Fermented or not, I'm talking about mixologist wonders of the world.

Great dress attire.  I mean, what girl doesn't love dressing up???  So far, most of my life residency has consisted of Seattle, WA, Portland OR and Austin, TX; none of these being the fashion capitals of the world.  In fact, I went to the opening night of the symphony in Portland one time and sat next to a guy in a Gap sweatshirt, Jeans and Berkenstocks.  Needless to say, I in my long dress and pearls, was not mistaken to be his date for the night.

I'm missing something.... good party requirements... hmmm.  Music...yes, good music... maybe even a bit to dance to, depending on the occasion.  Everyone needs to get their Michael Jackson on.

No children.  (Duh.)

In fact, my ideal party would look something like this....

Okay, so you get the image I am trying to paint... gorgeous atmosphere... amazing food... music... hmmm... anything else?

Oh yes, people.  

Ahhh, now THAT is a variable, isn't it?  The ideal party...would you surround it with everyone you knew.... would you make it a party where you got to meet lots of exciting people, new BFF's people that would ultimately shape your life.... or would you hodgepodge the mix?

While I personally wouldn't want to miss out on a new BFF or amazing people who would play an integral part of shaping my life, it's so much easier to hang out and talk with your friends.  Your "crew."  The ones you don't have to die a slow death of small-talk with.

You know what I mean.  We've all been there.  You are mingling at some event and you meet a new person.  This situation pretty much boils down to three outcomes:

1. You'll have a familiar face the next time you cross paths and can once again discuss the weather, local sports teams and the stuffed mushrooms being passed around.
2. Sending your date or spouse "the look" 5-7 times before they understand you desperately need to be rescued out from a conversation that makes you jealous of those who are currently undergoing  a root canal... because truth be told you'd rather be having dental work performed than continuing to converse with this person.
3. You and your new "contact" exchange information and actually do what you say and follow up with each other to set a time where you can hang out again... a new friendship is formed.

The amazing thing is that all of that happens in the course of a few minutes.  In between the music, the food (oh my goodness, the food) and the mingling, we really only have a short time to decide where our conversations are going...and how we are going to categorize the person we're talking to.

Isn't it fair to say that it doesn't really matter if we've been set up by Match.com or forced to attend a work function with our spouse... most of our introductions to people... our first "interactions" or "exchanges" with people are pretty much like speed dating.  Within about 2 minutes you know whether this person is ever going to make your radar again or not.

Scoff, stop reading and ponder for a minute or do what you need to do... but I feel like I just landed on a big one.  

Because when we get right down to it, we realize we might be passing by some God-given relationships in our life.

Now of course I can write and say, "Don't judge a book by it's cover" but we're adults and we've said it and read it so much it's lost it's flavor.  But it's true.  We speed-date people and decide... based on a couple of minutes... seconds.... LOOK-OVERS (gasp...what???) that this person is "in" or "out" in our life.  Ever thought any of these next few thoughts?

One or two looks at that gal's outfit tells me she's had a wild life and trying to find "30" again when CLEARLY I guess she's about 41... did she borrow her daughter's outfit?  Ugh, I don't need THAT kind of woman in my circle of friends.

Oh, I see that guy every week in church... and look at him holding a beer.  I bet it's his 3rd.  Hypocrite.

Wow... that was such a boring conversation with Devon's mom.  All she cares about is the safety of her children diet in the schools...she's paranoid... my kids would RUN OVER her kids... better not accept any play dates. 

Wow.

Kind of easy to do, isn't it?

We adopt a bit of a "Been there, done that" attitude towards people, don't we?

Hey, look folks, I am being REALLY VULNERABLE here.  If I were preaching, I'd ask for a few "amens" right about now so I could keep going and not pee my pants of embarrassment on stage.  Rotten thoughts... but I have sooooo gone there.

But here's the kicker... life isn't meant to be done like speed dating... life is relationships.  And relationships don't get built on cocktail-party timelines.  They get built layer by layer, each time we interact... because people are not static...they are dynamic, growing and changing. 

Last week, Pastor Ryan Malouff at Expression Church preached a message on "been there, done that."  He was trying to illustrate how many of us think we have God figured out... so we stop growing the relationship.    Or even paying attention to the relationship.  Or even paying attention to the idea itself!  We kick it into the box of "religion" and give our spouse "the look" to get outta there.

We can't speed date Jesus.  

We can't think, "Oh, there's that God thing again.  Been there.  Done that." and brush off our hands.

Jesus came so we would have a living example of what God is like.  He left but gave us the holy spirit, our resident "holy helper" to be with us always... so we could converse, spend time together in prayer and worship... attend cocktail parties to encourage those around us.  And that is just how our relationship with Jesus should be. 

I hope that today you'll not only pray for a new approach as to how you see and interact with people...that maybe you'll spend a bit more time before you let God tell you if this is a person you are supposed to have in your life, regardless of your personal opinions about that person.  But I also pray you would go and visit that table where Jesus was sitting... when you were so busy speed dating that you took one look at Him and decided that you had him all figured out and left the table.  I pray you would sit back down and begin a great new relationship with Him.

The coolest thing is that he's ALWAYS available to talk AND will love you even if your appetizers didn't turn out like the Pinterest picture.  (Just sayin')

Is there someone you can go back to and invest in?  Share your thoughts with me, leave a comment!- I'd love to hear!

Thanks for reading... be sure to "join" the site by clicking the button on the right or find me in Google circles so you don't miss a post!

Why you should never miss an opportunity to High-5 a cow

Yes, I realize I already have typed something that's not even a real word...but you aren't reading for literary enjoyment so allow me to throw some slang into my thoughts.... because of course that is how my brain thinks most of the time.

Ahhhh... Halloween... we all survived again, didn't we?  I was blown away to hear that Halloween is America's second highest retail generating holiday after Christmas.  I don't really know what I would have guessed in its place... I know we parents aren't exactly running around at Thanksgiving time, scrambling for outdoor Pilgrim decorations but I suppose I was just surprised that its grown into such a revenue monster.  (Because personally, what I just LOVE about the holiday is the irony of spending $30 on candy that I give out in 2-3 bit parcels to kids and then it just comes back to me in the form of assortment when my kids dump out their containers.  Then, we feel a certain sense of responsibility to not let our kids eat all of that so we toss it, take it to the dentist, eat it between now and Christmas and then wonder why we gained Holiday weight, etc.

Soooooo logical... and fiscally responsible...uh, NOT!

Let us not forget about the countless hours of searching for a Halloween costume because let's face it, kids change their mind on what they want to be at least 4 times before the big night. They get to wear it for 45 minutes at school and another 2 hours on Halloween.  You end up with a pile of synthetic material and plastic accessories that you hope will add hours of dress-up entertainment for your children but quickly realize you are delusional in thinking you will get that much use out of the costume.  Worse yet, you assume that each of your children will want to be what their older sibling was last year.  You stomp your foot and say, "not next year... we won't sign up for the same goat rodeo!"

....but then.... just like childbirth... time marches on and you forget the insanity of it all until October 1st of next year....and you do it all again.....

Hmmm... I sense a bit of sarcasm in my tone here...but it really is so silly!!!!  My kids were all so bummed out because it wasn't Halloween today.  "Why?" I asked.  I think their only audible answer was because they like collecting the candy.  The funny thing is, they won't even finish it all before it goes stale because I will police its intake for the next 2 months and I've scared the crap out of them with stories about kids who throw up from eating too much candy and the chocolate that comes up and out through the nose.  The pure allure of that much sugar massed together truly loses its sexiness in about 2 months from now.  I actually like how it just butts right up next to the Holiday season because its almost like by January...they are ASKING for carrot sticks!

This was not even my topic for this post. (Shocking, I am sure.) I know you parents have some really good ideas for recycling costumes.  I am sure if I had my act together and had set an alarm on my phone for September 1st I would have spent 7 hours researching costume swaps in the area.  There are even parents who have children who don't like candy so there is no problem giving it all away... or your kids actually go out and collect food items instead of candy to give to the food banks.  I am so thankful for all of you bucking the trend!

Here's what else happens on Halloween that bucks the system...and I LOVE it.

Community.

Right or wrong about whatever the holiday was originally created for...irregardless of how you celebrate it... we come together.  In unity.  Without judgement.

Proof?  Check out Facebook.   It is single-handedly one of the biggest nights that we post pictures of either our pumpkins or our own lil' pumpkins.  And talk about the "likes" we get...its almost as if you can't scroll through FB without "liking" everyones picture of their kids in costume without being the biggest jerk in the world!

Here's what else I love...the unity of the children.  Oh sure, there is the usual pecking-order process of "trick or treating groups.  No matter what plans are made on the bus ride home.. kids are pretty unscathed because even the best laid plans get thrown out the window and everyone ends up moving from house to house in one big flock.  The goal here, people, is candy... and lots of it.  Unity.  In the name of low-quality sugar.  Unity.

And I'll take it.  Last night was a night in which it didn't matter what school you went to, what age you were or what you were dressed up like.  You all got a piece of candy.  (Well, except those who came to my door dressed as WSU Cougs... I had dictionaries for them.)  KIDDING!

My favorite example of this was in my youngest.  I just assumed he was going to be a Fireman because that was the costume I still had from the other kids.  October 25th rolls around and he announces he is going to be a ghost.  That was about 14 hours before I was catching a flight for the weekend so my best shot was I was to grab the kid a sheet, cut some holes and call it a day.

Here's the best part of having a 3-year old....they are like dogs.  I pulled out the fireman costume one last time on Halloween afternoon to try and persuade him (because of course I still didn't have a sheet) and while he said no to the fireman (sorry public servants... I DO thank you for your hard work) he did spy a white pair of pants with black spots on them in the drawer.  He ran over, pulled it out and exclaimed, "OOOH...I want to be a cow!"  Praise God for not having enough time to junk out the costume bin.  Bright-shiny-object (black and white costume) combined with a little 3 year old brain that doesn't remember being a cow LAST year and voila... costume debacle over!

 When he was ready to come in for the night after a hefty return on trick-or-treating, he hung out on the porch with me to show me his stash of kiddy crack... I mean...candy.  By this point there were large groups of older kids out or on their way to different houses for parties.  The first group of 15 or so passed by our house without coming up for candy.  I looked back and there was Evan, standing eagerly next to the bowl of candy waiting to pass it out to the kids.  Of course, to avoid heartbreak, like every good mom, I shouted out to the group of teenagers and risked the HUGE probability I would look like an idiot to say,

"HEY!  DON'T FORGET TO STOP AND SEE THE COW!"

Oh yes... yes I did.  But you know what?  That group of High Schoolers stopped...looked...and turned around to come say "Hi" to my little cow.  Most of them didn't take any candy, but came and either shook my son's hand or gave him a High-5.  He was in Heaven...checking out all of the costumes and showing everyone his "swishy tail."

There was no judging..there was no one standing back at the sidewalk, refusing to get in on the "hamming it up with a 3 year old."  No one was too cool for that... no one did the "I don't feel like participating.  No one pulled the "I don't associate with cows" or wanted to avoid being seen High-fivin' a cow they had never met before.  (Of course I expected his babysitters to stop by and give a hug or lavish praise on him... after all, they know where their bread is buttered...but these were complete strangers on their way to a party down the street.)

No judgement.  No cliques.  Just love.

I'd like to think that is how Jesus would be if he were around to celebrate Halloween.  Oh sure, the Pharisees would be having a conniption fit with October 31st... I can just see the bulging veins and imagine the blood pressure.  No doubt the Romans would have put a kibosh on the entire holiday...but... just imagine what Jesus would have done.  Dressed up like the rest of them.... laughed at all the costumes....even the dark & ghoulish ones!  He would have passed out King Size candy bars for sure (and he probably would have only needed to buy 5 of them and yet he would have had enough for the whole hood.)  *** Footnote... you'll need to read the book of Mark, Chapter 6, lines 30-44 if that doesn't make any sense.

Point?  I would love it if every day we stopped to High-5 the cow who's looking for a smile.  Yeah, I know we are all really busy heading to a party and wanting everyone to notice what WE are wearing...but I think there are a lot of cows out there for us to bless...and who's smile will bless US.

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.   -Romans 12:10

I guarantee every high-schooler that made his way up to the front of the crowd to interact with my little cow was blessed by it.

Translate that for the population reading this, the over 55" crowd (that's inches not age people!) who can tie our own shoes... look the bank teller in the eye and really ask how he or she is doing.  Listen for the answer.  Give a dollar to the man who is humble enough to hold a sign up on the street corner.  Suspend the judgment of how he happened to find a magic marker and perfect piece of cardboard and consider instead what point he must be at to risk recognizing those he might know while he holds that sign.  High 5 your toll-booth operator.  Shake it up on the way to your big fancy party and make someone else's day.  We don't need costumes to do that.... because as different as our costumes made us seem to one another...they actually brought us together for a night.

Any "feel good" stories from the night?  Did you use Halloween to make a difference?  Would love to hear your thoughts!

How to deal with people who judge you

True or false...

I lie awake at night processing my day and most of what keeps me awake is naming my blog posts.

True.

Ha!  Isn't that hilarious?  Well, probably not because you aren't inside my head...but I guess as I am admitting this to you then I'm disclosing that I am actually kept up at night trying to come up with clever enough titles to make you read my blog.

I suppose my "writing just for me" excuse just flew out the door.  Ahhhh, we are ALL filled with vanity, are we not?  I guess it just pops up in the most peculiar of places for each one of us.

I have friends who will clean like a bat outta ... well, you know... to prepare for guests coming over.  Now, I'm all for putting the 324 toys laying on the floor in their respective spot but if you come to MY house, do NOT look at the floors too closely nor will I suggest taking off your socks.  Because while my floors needed a sweep before you came over... they most certainly will after you and your four children leave.

Indeed.

We all have our vanity.  Where's yours lurking?

Here's why I suggest we take a moment to find them.  Not because I want you to ditch them (although may I highly recommend you take some time to reflect on your vanities or obsessions with perfection and ask yourself "how is this important to becoming the person God wants me to be?"

Oh.... I know I just got a few back browsers "taps of the mouse" on that one.  Relax... I'm not going heavy on you...

today.  :)

Take a moment to find out where are imperfections are.   What do we unnecessarily obsess or worry about?

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."   Matthew 6:34 NIV

Amen to that!

Where is your hidden vanity?  Is it your appearance?  Is it "trying to impress?"  Is it false humility?
Now, I promised I wouldn't harp on it but I will ask you to do this.  Flip the coin.  Yeah... its like taking your smart phone camera and swapping it from taking a picture of yourself and flip it around to look at the person in front of you.  What do you see?

Do you see the imperfections?  The faults?  The "dust bunnies in the corner he/she didn't sweep before they came over?"  Or, do you see a work-in-progress?

I challenge your inner heart that what we probably see first is a flurry of judgments flying through our rain at an amazing speed:
-What is she wearing?
-Can you believe his suit?
-He's short.  She's really tall.
-Can you believe she's talking to her kids that way?
-He was sooooo rude.
-She's so obnoxious.
-He's so full of himself.
-They were awkward.
- At least I'm skinnier than her.
-At least I make more than him.

Hey.  It's okay.  It's normal.  Remember, we are sinners...our hearts fell away from God (darn that Eve!) and so we're left with free will...which was God's original gift when he formed us but we're also left with a huge sense of unsatisfaction that leaves us yearning...yearning...yearning.

And it's when we're yearning for something else that we begin to stack rank the world around us.

The problem is we are doing in within a snapshot of time.

If you came to my door at 4:45pm, you can see through to the family room and it resembles an ill-run daycare; toys, blankets and stuffed animals litter the room.  If you come to my door at 9pm (which you should not, by the way) then you would see an orderly ensemble of "for the most part" matching furniture and decor... and no toys visible.

We are all transforming into our final masterpiece.... and to look at us once and make a conclusive judgment doesn't just sell us short of our potential...but it sells you short too.

If you look in the oven at something that is "half baked" it's a work in progress...and we all are, aren't we?  How many opportunities for friendships, relationships, networking, etc. have we passed right by because we made a split-descision judgment about someone?

Guarantee if you waited on me at Nordstrom since I became a mom of 3 boys you looked at my oven while I was "half baked."  Not because I was literally half baked (although I might have resembled symptoms!) but because the outburst to my children as they walked UP the DOWN escalator or whacked each other with shoe-department balloons isn't my 24-7 demeanor with my children.  It was a moment of time...stacked between thousands of other minutes of my life in which I have demonstrated unbelievable back-breaking love, concern and patience with my children.

I AM... A WORK IN PROGRESS

YOU ARE.... A WORK IN PROGRESS

WE ARE ALL.....WORKS IN PROGRESS

Wanna change the world?  Suspend the stack ranking... and look to gain from one another instead of turning off the oven light with judgement ruling our hearts.