Grab your hammer!

I'm having a really hard time.

Now I know I've been notorious for blogging about kiddos... trust you me... I'll get to that in a few days.  I'm still recovering; also still pondering why anyone on God's beautiful earth would come up with some grand idea of having elementary school kids go out the door at 7:01 in the morning to catch a bus to school.  I get that it's good for the teenagers to sleep in later because their natural sleep rhythms change and they go to bed late... but did anyone bother to ask mom about THEIR sleep rhythms?  If they had... I hope someone would have mentioned that there is a high percentage of us that are now walking our kids to the bus stop in our pajamas, hair half-in, half-out of yesterday's ponytail and flip flops on the wrong feet.  Forget homemade lunches; it's "cafeteria-city, sweetheart" and a halitosis kiss from mom before you're on your way.

So, yeah, I got a couple of things to say about back to school... but it's not why I'm so worked up.

I'm sad.

And I'm mad.

And you know, that means I'm gonna write about it... and hope it blesses just one person as much as writing it down and sharing it with you blesses me.  (And saves me a therapy co-pay.)  :)

I wish we'd put away our rocks.

Not our diamonds... not our bling... our rocks.

The ones we come running with when someone screws up.  When someone does something we cannot tolerate.  When someone crosses the imaginary line of acceptable...that funny enough... we, as a "western" culture, promote and dare people to cross... but then flock like pigeons at a bread factory when someone crosses that line... gathering like a collective mob to throw that person under the bus.

Yes... I'm talking about Miley Cyrus (And you'll NEVER see my Hyperlink her name.  If you like this story, share it... but I trust those who are supposed to read this will get their hands on it without me trying to manipulate search engines!)  But I'm talking about just about every person here on the earth.  We seem to have stones in our purse or briefcase... tucked away in our pockets... ready to come out a moment's notice when somebody does something.

Anything, really.

So she gyrated and sexed herself up and down on a stage in front of a world-wide audience.  It's MTV... it's pop culture... there's no ethics committee in the media folks.. what did you think was going to happen?  And now that it has... why are we lining up to throw stones at her?  We've got her in every blog, every commentary, left-wing, right-wing... from E! News to Fox News... we're trying to assign her to some spot on the "you really screwed up" bell curve.

Reminds me of an old story I heard.... (Oh, you know where I'm going with this.)

John 8:1-11 NLT: As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

4 “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

6 They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. 7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” 8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

Okay... so a woman CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF ADULTERY... literally!!!!  I mean, getting drug out of a bed, or wherever she is?  Probably naked.... probably grabbed a bed sheet (what the heck was it made out of then, anyway?)  Anyhoo... what does Jesus do?  I mean, she broke the law and had tons of witnesses.  And look at this crowd... they are ready... PUMPED... to "be good people" and slay her with their stones.  And Jesus?  Well, heforgives her and tells her to not do it again.

It's a great story of forgiveness, but I love the sub-plot here.  Jesus gives simple directives to the gathered crowd... "Whoever hasn't sinned...not even one single time... YOU... YOU can be the first to hurl your rock at this gal's head."  (Uh, translation mine.)

Even better is that while the crowd is so busy yelling accusations at the chick, calling for her death... Jesus looks down and starts drawing!  Fast forward a 2013 of this story:

Everybody is busy dragging Miley Cyrus into the middle of the spotlight... tearing her down... pointing their finger, calling her names, expressing their outrage.  But Jesus doesn't even stop to watch the news clips, read the tweets or re-post the letters to the press.  He looks down and doodles on his etch-a-sketch.  Then he asks all of us to go ahead and stone Miley if we have never sinned.

Pause.

The bible says that all sin is created equal.  The bible says that in God's throne of judgement, killing your neighbor is just as much a sin as being jealous of your neighbor's new car.  God doesn't "stack-rank" sin, people.

So where does that leave us?  Definitely looking for a place to set down our rock.

Because who ARE we to judge?

Saved or unsaved... I'm fighting the good fight but I still fall to sin.  You bet.  In fact, until I am sitting next to Jesus in heaven, I DEFINITELY have to put my rock down.  I've judged.  I've been jealous.  I've been angry.  I've been greedy.  I've been prideful.  Shoot... that was just this week!  :)

I hope you are hearing me here.  

If the woman caught in adultery can be compared to Miley, he would have loved her, forgiven her and encouraged her to go and stop sinning.  It's his love that leads us pursue a life of righteousness.  

Don't misunderstand me here.  I'm not outraged at Miley.  We can be outraged at what America considers acceptable to air on TV and we can be mindful of what our own eyes take in and what images our children are subjected to... but that's a whole other post.  I'm praying that Miley's heart would be turned to a life with Jesus.  I'm praying that she would encounter the unconditional and radical love of Jesus.  I'm praying for new people in her life to show her a different way!

But I'm not here to talk about the actions, instead, my heart was burdened by the hearts of others.  I was even bothered by my own heart... not at what I did or didn't do about Miley's performance, per se, but what I've thought about others when they cross MY imaginary line of acceptable.  

What we need to do is drop our stones and pick up our hammers. 

Jesus was a carpenter until his ministry began.  Let's use our hammer to "build" up a society that embraces and promotes wholeness, love and truth.  Hammers can join things together... rocks destroy a structure!  It seems to be a tool that brings a lot more love into the world as opposed to holding onto these rocks... ready to destroy.

John 13:34-35: "....Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

I'll admit... this is harder to do than you think.  But I think this is a good place to start.  Remembering that we are in no position to judge.  Because when we really step back... we would all be deserving of those stones, wouldn't we??  

I know, that for me and my heart... I will choose to remember we are ALL children of God.  While I cannot control what happens to me, I can control how I respond to it.

Be blessed and feel loved... you are!

My last two and a half hours....

I should probably consider buying myself a journal and just write in that every day.  Oh wait, I have several journals (some empty, some with a few entries, some with to-do lists) that I already possess.  I think the hardest part is remembering to be consistent.  Because life happens....and it happens fast.  Details unravel...there are highs...there are lows.... most things work themselves out....

To try and catch someone up to speed can take pages of writing.  Oh sure, there is the "male" version I could give you... "I have three boys...they are nuts... I'm becoming nuts... we're moving...again... yes, I know... again."

But c'mon... God made me a WOMAN which means I need to give you every detail, every back-story so you will COMPLETELY understand why...oh why... I look completely frazzled and in the same gym clothes I was in yesterday.  If I didn't tell you everything, well, then... I appear pathetic.  If I drag you through the highs and lows...why, then...I appear to have superwoman strength just to be there talking about it!!!!

(Does blogger still wrestle with a strong need to perform?  Check.)

So here I am... in front of the Starbucks to borrow their Wi-fi (I'm going to get my cup of coffee... jeesh... it's not like I'm free loading... but if I go in, I'll see someone I know, make up excuses and not ever get a chance to write... I'm very honest that I lack willpower!) but I'm trying my best to get a post in.... I've got a great one up my sleeve about God's nutty journey the last few weeks but........but....

I have two and a half hours left.

See...some people cry and get wistful.  I do.  I DO!  I do get choked up.. at the most random of things... the national anthem.  Seeing soldiers come home.  The end of my kiddos sports games (especially when they come and clap for US at the end of the game... be still my beating heart!!!)

But the end of City Kids PRESCHOOL?

Uh... no.  I don't get wispy.  I get sad.  Very sad.  A bit panicked and sad.

I really love those of you who are gasping and wondering if you should call protective child services on me right now.  I love you because I'm AMAZED by you.... you are such great moms!!!

I love my kids, don't get me wrong.  But the end of preschool is like a probation officer coming to my house and greeting me at the front door with a low-jack ankle bracelet.

I will now be reduced to a 30 foot radius for the entire summer break.  I can't hear it go off, but my preschooler can.  If I go upstairs to pee... only 10 seconds go by before I hear, "mom?"  "MOM?"  If I head to the garage for a minute... "mom?"  "MOM?"  It must sound off like a dog whistle... which apparently my son can hear because for the last week he's insisted he's a dog and simply barks for water or food.

Awesome.


Why, preschool directors, why?  Why do we have to end earlier than our school-aged siblings?  It's like a band-aid being ripped off over an 8 day period.  Leg hair, by leg hair... my freedom is being ripped away from me.... my ability to shop down an entire aisle and look at new products, read labels and not have to avoid the dessert section..... gone.   For the next 3 months I will no longer be able to get through Target without opening up the $1 package of God-knows-what-is-in-them animal crackers to keep someone in their shopping cart so we're not consistently calling out his name on the store intercom.

Gone are outisde runs with my Ipod; not accompanied by a stroller, 17 stops to look at bugs, feed ducks, collect leaves, pee outside, open snacks and head back after 700 feet because someone has to poop.

Gone are having full thoughts, full sentences or full cups of coffee without having to microwave it.

Don't get me wrong... I love my children.  I really do.  But it's not like I was a miserable person contemplating the meaning of life before I had them.  So... for these 9 months I have relished my two and a half hours, three days a week, in which I get to visit the ghost of "Erin past."

Silence.

Talk radio.

Phone calls... even 7+ minute phone calls....

Suddenly, snack requests, shaving foam paintings and ominous "Thursday share days" sound delightful.  Hustling out the door, always running back for our tote bag or stuffed animal leaves me wanting more... more... more of those!

I'm reminded of the lyrics in a Counting Crows song, "Why does it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone...."

Readers... it's been so nice to share these last few minutes with you.  It has been a treat.  I can't promise you when I might write to you again... I can't promise you the sentences will be coherent.... I'm thankful you can't hear screaming while I type.  Doesn't really matter if it's mine or my children's.  I'm thankful I don't "vlog" because you'd see me with those gym pants from yesterday and a stringy pony-tail.... mascara from April.

A parallel universe I am sure we can all relate to.... to love our little nuggies so much...so much it hurts...so much that we read other really great blogs from inspiring moms who are telling us how to raise our children even better.... but to also cry.. just a little bit.... that in now THIRTY minutes... my school-break is coming to an end....

Let the duck-feeding, bug-hunting and skipping the dessert aisle at the grocer BEGIN!!!

(Hey... you know that most of what I type is REAL but certainly not enough to call the police on, right?  So... throw me a bone...anyone else dress in black the last day of school?  Let me know!)

I'm losing control

A short musing for the day.  Because let's face it... if you stalk FB like I do, and treat it like a diary (like I do) then you've noticed that I haven't posted in a long time.  LLoooonnnnnggggg time.

(What, you didn't notice?  You mean, you're not trolling FB looking for another blog posting from #Viewsfromtheburbs?  You mean... sniff... it's not all about ME?)

So posting this today is about as challenging as calling up a friend you haven't talked to in 3 years.  I mean...where do you start?  There is no possible way to get in all the details of what has been going on.

Sidebar...isn't THAT in of itself a lesson that most of the stuff that happens in our life is really SMALL AND FORGETTABLE???  Ha!

Well..that was an unforeseen bit of wisdom right there.  Bonus material... it's a generous day.

OKAY...here's what I really wanted to say (and for those who are minimalists, get to the point type of people... you're pulling your hair out, aren't you???)  :)  That makes me giggle.

I've lost control over the last 3 weeks.

I mean... LOST IT.  Put some inflection in your tone when you read that.  Seriously.

Painfully... after needing SEVERAL reminders, the same facts keep presenting themselves to me:

• Lectures won't control my children's behavior
• Calling my Realtor numerous times throughout the day will not cause our rental home sale to close.
• Re-vacuuming my floor to get perfect "lines" in the carpet will not bring a buyer to view our home.
• Refreshing my internet browser bar will not make a new home in Austin magically "appear" on the market.
• Having the courage to finally speak my intentions of becoming a presenter and speaker to people does not automatically cause engagements to get booked.

Drats.  DRATS!  (And just to be clear... I know sometimes little ones read over your shoulders... hence the "drats" because I've had to apologize to God and my Hubby for a few other...ahem... choice of words lately. )

I literally remember the time two weeks ago I was smoothing out the down in my comforter...trying to ensure the bed was not looking lumpy in the event someone came to look at our house.  No... we didn't have anyone scheduled.  But, JUST IN CASE.... I was going to have the most evenly-filled comforter this side of Bellevue.  Because THAT, I was SURE... would cause someone to buy the house.

(Folks... I'm being really raw here...so I appreciate you not falling off your chair in how ridiculous this must be as you imagine it in your head.  This is real...welcome to my world.)

I felt like God actually spoke to me right up in my room...right to my heart...and he said,

"Do you think THIS is going to make someone buy your house?"

And I replied (duh, to God...not myself) "Not sure... but this is what I can control."

And it dawned on me... I don't really have any control... do I?

Nope.

Nada.  Zilch.

I mean we do.  I was lamenting to a friend about all of this and she said, "Man, what CAN you control?" in a very empathetic tone.  My response?  

"I can control my reaction."

It's all we've got people.... IF we choose to live according to God's plan for our lives.  I mean, lets distinguish this fork in the road right now people.

You can get as far as you can in your own human strength.... but that has limits.  Somewhere... there is a ceiling you will reach.  And to do life that way, you need to control a lot... all the time...without ceasing.

Or... you can let God take over and live according to the plan HE has for your life.  While very unnatural for me to "let go" or give someone else the "reins" to my life, here's the truth I can hold onto and know the benefits:

• My yoke is easy and my burden is light- Matthew 11:30 NIV
• For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.- Jeremiah 29:11
• As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.- Isaiah 55:9
• Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.- Ephesians 3:20

Well that seems so much easier than making vacuum lines in my carpet every morning (okay, okay... every morning AND afternoon.)

And doesn't it seem like the minute you stop obsessing about something...scheming... trying to "figure it out" that not only do you relax and get your life back...but when you give that situation to God... it literally works itself out???

Okay... so I have some hens in the henhouse that I can't let out until tomorrow...so stay tuned.... but for today... take 5 minutes to say out loud or write it down...that which you are wearing yourself out trying to control the situation or outcome.  Then give it to God... with your mouth or your written words.... let him take over in that circumstance.  If I.... the best (overcoming) control freak I know...can do it, you can too.

Hey, post back to this...what did you give up or... you don't have to share if you don't want...but tell me how it felt!!!!

Talk atcha' tomorrow!

Oh Yeah... forgot about that old stuff....

I've sat down to write several times today but I just can't articulate my thoughts... I keep returning to the internet to see if I can find out the latest on the Boston Marathon bombings.  Like any other human, I am addicted to a train wreck.  I don't want to be, trust me... I am reduced to tears every single time I see an image.  My core is rocked thinking about that precious 8-year old boy who just wanted to see his Daddy finish his race.  My thoughts quickly track back to when my son was eight and we made the trip to downtown Chicago to see my husband finish his race.  More tears.  I'm immobilized.  I'm grieving those people who will forever alter their plans because they are missing a limb.  Again... tears.

Yet I am moved by compassion...the hundreds of people who stayed and helped.  Color was not an issue for those hours after the bombs went off.  Neither was race, gender, economic status, age.  Quite frankly, I LOVED that the world suspended judgement against one another.  Labels vanished.  It was all for one and one for all.

I loved the comraderie that was so prevalent today as I went back to my "normal life."  Smiles were more genuine.  "Thank-you's" were a bit more heart-felt and not just obligatory manners.  And oh, the runners... the runners were out in full force today.  There was an appreciative nod to one another; we were of one accord today.  (It helped that the rains subsided enough in Seattle that the ark finally rested on high-ground.)

And that was good.

But amidst the extra effort to treat others a bit more humanely, amidst the light layer of solemness that exuded itself today, there was definitely a spirit of restlessness.... a itch I just couldn't scratch.... a question I just couldn't answer.

How did we get here?

I poised this question to my husband last night as we were about to head upstairs to bed... (c'mon, get your head out of the gutter... I've got 3 boys... bed = sleep!)

No, seriously... oh man, I've lost some of you... come back.  Okay, I asked,

"Do you think the world has gotten a lot crazier or are we just more aware of it because our faith in Jesus Christ has grown and He has opened our eyes to it?"

Mark 8:17-18     Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear?

(I am referring to our ability to see the world through the eyes of Jesus as opposed to our sinful selves.)

My husband's answer has followed me everywhere today.  This is not what I intended to write about; I intended to write about a huge breakthrough... future plans... updates on transitioning from life as I know it to life in ministry (cliffhangers, I hope...do make sure you "join" my site to receive my next few posts.)  But I think my hubs, Chris Turnley answered that question so well that I am COMPELLED to share it with as many who are willing to listen.

We, as a society, as a culture, as a nation... are here because we've lost the reverence and fear of God.
Really.  It is as simple, yet haunting, as that.

We don't fear him.  We've shaved Him down, watered Him down, contorted Him into what works best for our lives.  And quite frankly, now that He's so manageable, He is no longer a giant.  He is no longer Lord.

Hubby went further to illustrate how the nation has gone from its creation, it's Birth, conceived out of dennouncement of England... being able to be "indivisible, under God" to movements that call for the removal of the word "God" from our currency, our schools, our statues, memorials and the very pledge of Allegiance that founded this country.  (By the way, can I just draw your attention to the "Pledge of Allegiance."  Ahem.... allegiance.... synonmous with "devotion" and "loyalty.")

Okay, so here is what I am driving at.  I'm sure you have scrolled Facebook after a national tragedy and seen posts such as this:

"You ask where I am in the school shootings yet you try and remove me from schools.  You ask where I am when the town square is bombed yet you remove the plaque that says 'In God we trust.' from the very same park.  I want to be in your life but you keep kicking me out."   -God

I have to be honest with you... it ressonnates with me for a few days after a tragedy; it gets me all fired up and I'm ready to send off letters to my public school system, my representatives and anyone else who will listen.

And then life returns... schedules resume... a child gets sick.... the minivan's tire is flat... and the news coverage is no longer 24/7 about the incident... it's filed away in the "where is this world going to?" bucket.  Quickly, our life bucket (which is much larger and leaks, by the way) gets stacked on top of our deep moral compass concerns and we move on.

The truth is, guys, is that God is actually the answer.  Now, is He going to create utopia for us here on earth?  Ummm... no, that's actually what he calls Heaven...and He DOES say there will be trials until you graduate to Utopia.  Trials can be anything from a broken fingernail to the senseless death of a loved one.  BUT... friends... BUT....  as a whole, we need to remember who created the universe... who breathed us into existence... who spoke a mere four words and "poof," here we are.

I'm speaking to the 84% of us... the 84% who responded to some survey, somewhere along the line and claimed the existence of God.  Who believe that there is one true God.  Right now would be a really good time to drop your theologian hat and keep reading...  stop getting hung up on the "does he love Gays?," "Why does a church ask for money?" "Was Jesus's body really put in tomb?"  STOP!

Drop the backpack of baggage you've been slinging around that "religion was forced down my throat," or you had a "bad pastor" or "God wouldn't let bad things happen"  STOP.

I'm not going to tell you I have answers.  But I will point you to a few things that started to make so much sense:

Jeremiah 2:13

“My people have done two evil things.
    They turned away from me,
    and they dug their own water cisterns.[a]
I am the source of living water;
    those cisterns are broken and cannot hold water.

The cisterns that are broken and cannot hold water are interpreted by scholars to be His analogy for idols.  Most people think of little wooden or ceramic carvings when you hear 'idol" in a religious context.  I suppose if you are reading this late at night you might be thinking about Ryan Seacrest, Simon Cowell and American Idol, the TV show.  But check out Webster's Dictionary and what they had to say about the word "idol."


1.   a. An image used as an object of worship.
      b. A false god.
2. One that is adored, often blindly or excessively.
3. Something visible but without substance.

Check out number three.  As I mentioned before, we've neutered, binded, and trimmed God to a point that he's no longer welcome in our neat, tidy and "lots of gray area" little world.  He gets in the way of the choices we want to make...and feel okay about making them.  Yes... long gone are the "fire and brimstone" messages our parents grew up with (and maybe even some of us) about the fear of God and the fear of his condemnation, his damnation and our the destiny of our eternal souls.  Good grief... heavy stuff... who would want to listen to that?

But perhaps we should every now and then?  Perhaps not in a way that it is delivered, Bible thumping, some would call it... but shouldn't we... and don't we owe it to one another... to bring God out of the box and put him back in his rightful place?  At the top?  Bigger than us?

Bigger than our other idols?  As world-renown author and leader Beth Moore has put it, an idol is "any tradeoff for God."  Wow.

What I love is that God "seeks" us.  We don't "find" him.  We... at some point... turn to Him and there he is... waiting.  He was waiting the whole time.  But lets not miss the fact that we have to turn to him which means one, it's active and two... it means we turn away from other things.  We turn away from our other idols and turn instead to a mighty and powerful God, who according to the Old Testament says He is:

• El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty)
• El Elyon (The Most High God)
• Adonai (Lord, Master)
• Yahweh (Lord, Jehovah)
• Jehovah Nissi (The Lord My Banner)
• Jehovah-Raah (The Lord My Shepherd)
• Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals)
• Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There)
• Jehovah Tsidkenu (The Lord Our Righteousness)
• Jehovah Mekoddishkem (The Lord Who Sanctifies You)
• El Olam (The Everlasting God)
• Elohim (God)
• Qanna (Jealous)
• Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide)
• Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace)

That sounds like a lot more security than any of my other idols can offer.  That sounds like a lot more happiness than my glass of wine, my workout regimen or juicy novel can offer.

And that sounds like something worth fighting for.  Worth speaking up about.  Worth writing to my school district and my government representatives about.  Worth telling my neighbor about.  Worth telling the stranger at the bus stop about.  Because let's face it... this "hush-hush" attitude about God isn't going so well.

As Craig Groeschel  mentioned in his book Weird, "The majority of people claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. And all this is normal. But normal isn’t working."

What will you do tomorrow to make God bigger in your life than he was today?

Can't talk my way out of this

Blogger rule number one... post regularly.

Whoops.

Blogger rule number two; don't post for the sake of posting.

Check.

I don't really know if the second one is a rule or not, but that's the one I'm going off of right now... because let's be honest... we'd all rather tell others all the things we are doing right.

Oh, I know, I know.... many of us like to turn the other way and focus on the things we're doing wrong;  meditate on them practically, but I'm talking about "public" behavior.   I already spend WAY too much time beating myself up; some call that transparent... but if I did it all the time... that's not transparency... that's depressing!

And then, If you were like me... I'd silence my phone if Debbie Downer called me all the time to tell me all the stuff she messed up.  C'mon... let's be honest.

So... tracking back (Jesus help me) I haven't posted much because quite honestly, I've been too busy working through my own junk.  J-U-N-K.

Oh, and launching an interactive Childrens' Book, published by Nation9 Publishing called Quigley the Caterpillar.  Crazy!!!

Oh, and getting moving quotes, working with a fabulous group of people to start a new church www.expressionchurch.com, helping our dear friends and pastors move to Austin, teaching JA to my son's 1st grade class and running the house while my husband travels.

So, in this head of mine you can see why I might have suffered from writer's block... so consider yourself spared from my jumble of thoughts and rants the last few weeks.

Until now.  Buckle up... big fat thought coming your way....

Shall we start?  (And some of my newer readers are wondering what I mean by start because CLEARLY I stared about 73 lines ago!   Get used to it.)

Last night was not what we would call... ummm... a parent-of-the-year-type of night. You know, I've read in my bible many times that when we repent (turn away from sin, ask God for forgiveness) that by His grace... He forgives us; but sometimes there is still a natural consequence for our sin.

My consequence for last night's "oops" would be a lost voice.  Mostly because I yelled so loud... for so long.... at my precious little bundles of joy; specifically, my 10, 7 and 3 year old.  My 10 year old wasn't even in the room but CLEARLY, I had gone off the deep end of the pool and felt it necessary to throw all the kids out with the bathwater...so I included him too and proceeded to rant about my role as a mother.

Winner...winner Erin, chicken dinner.  Here was my Facebook post after (because don't you post EVERYTHING, including a pictures of your dinner on Facebook?)  Snort.

Yeah... definitely a low point.

Now, of course, I have to justify why I yelled at them for 3 minutes and 20 seconds straight, right?

Mostly, because Mom has been so busy completing her "task lists" that she hasn't made Jesus first, taken time to meet with Jesus, focused on Jesus, walked in Grace, prayed... you know... all the things/mindsets/tools available that would make this season easier to walk in.  Nope... I just have been piling on the responsibilities, trials, tribulations, interactions, conversations, to-do "isms" and heaved them onto my shoulders.  So who takes the brunt?  Of course, the spouse and the kids.  Lucky for him, my hubby was in Boston and my kids aren't old enough to think about dialing him and asking for a lifeline when mommy blows her spout.  So, my kids took the brunt.  

As if they were solely responsible for mom's exasperated state of being??!?!

But you know what's interesting?  While they definitely are not EVER a reason we should lose our marbles, I will admit that when the extra pressures pile on, their weak spots certainly shine brighter.

What do I mean?  Well... each one of my "bundles of joy" is working on a developmental milestone.  Completely normal stuff...but when you add up my other laundry list of reasons I would benefit from therapy... they just seem to become mountains instead of mole hills.

My 10 year old can remember if he missed his lunch treat 11 days ago but can't remember to turn in his homework on a regular basis.  Or brush his teeth.  Or wear the bands that accompany his braces.  (And can I tell you how fun that is to get a lecture from the orthodontist every 4-6 weeks?  I feel like I'm the one sitting in that chair!)

My 7 year old is just working on plain old listening.  If you give more than 1 instruction at a time, he's definitely going to forget the 2nd part.  As in, "wash your hands and come to the table."  Hands get washed but I lose him up in the play room.  Yesterday I spent 30 minutes looking for him at every neighbors house.  You get the gist.

My 3 year old refuses to use the toilet right now.  Three full wardrobe changes, 2 pairs of underwear in the trash.  And that was yesterday.  Enough said.

So.... I might have... perhaps.... possibly.... lectured... ahem.... yelled.... at them... ALL of them when they came out of their bedrooms after they had been tucked in.  I was done.  I had nothing left.  Except, of course, enough breath to completely lose it.  

Thankfully I had enough breath to apologize as well.  And then give God a good cry after they had all gone to bed with kisses.  Again.

So you might be thinking this post is about condemnation and messing up and how much of a spaz I am as a mother.  Good guesses, but no.

This post is about prayer.  As usual, I took awhile to get there but you needed to hear the back story.  This morning, I chose to hold onto grace.  I chose to hold onto joy.

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.    2Cor 12:9

And then I had a wise friend post this on Facebook this morning:

"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." Matt 5:48, MSG.

Yeah... that's what I'm talking about... some "up in your face" scripture!

So now I've gone from my head spinning around on a swivel last night to Polyanna with birds helping me make breakfast.  Multiple personalities?  No... just God's grace.  And that wasn't even the point of my message... that was just bonus material friends!  Ha!

After the kids were gone I looked at the clock and realized my middle son was on a school bus to a field trip.  I spontaneously prayed for his protection.  It felt good to pray without an agenda.. just with a mother's thought of protection...without prompting.  And so I kept going.... without a "prayer to-do list"....

What came out was amazing.  I prayed over his trip, I prayed for a child-like joy in discovering nature and God's world.  I prayed he would be surrounded by friends and that he would have ears to hear his teacher.  Without even thinking I moved onto my oldest and I prayed that God would begin to download a spirit of excellence in him, that he would be motivated to "give his best" and realize that it wasn't beccause of the fear of consequences (of which I had given him PLENTY) but instead that God would show my son that when he gives his "best" he is giving glory to God... he's showing off the "Jesus" or "new creation" inside of him.  

Now I was on a roll... so I kept going.

I went on and prayed for my youngest...that it wasn't out of control but it was out of a yielded heart that Jesus...not Mommy would "take the wheel!" and would encourage him to use the bathroom...

Now I know this could sound outright ridiculous if you had wire tapped my house and listened to my out-loud prayers as I cleaned up from breakfast.... but I got smacked upside the head with a thought that really rocked me this morning....

I don't have to parent alone.  Just as I have Jesus to help me, transform me... not my by own "doing" or "trying" but by the Holy Spirit working in me...that same Holy Spirit can work in my children.  Even more crazy was the thought that if I would just tap into God's great love and power... He is much more mighty to change the hearts and minds of my children than any of my lectures, lessons, reasonings, and CERTAINLY my rants, threats and punishments.

Let's reflect:

• Do threats inspire you to be greater?
• Does yelling win you over to want to change?
• Does God motivate you to see things a different way through his love or his wrath?

Then why did I think it would be any different with my children?

Because I'm human.  And we mess up.  And we try to fix our children like we try to fix everything else in our life... 

we "try harder," "talk louder," "do more."

Whoops.

Now, I'm not suggesting we get rid of consequences for our children.  No.  The Bible says that there are natural consequences when we sin... and sometimes as a parent we have to impose boundaries and consequences to aid them... because they are young babes.  I think the point here for us parents is that all the talking in the world isn't going to motivate my oldest to turn in his homework.  He may lose out on a lot of video game time or seeing his friends, but ultimately it is HIS heart that has to want to make the change.  There's a mysterious "intersection" somewhere between God's work in our children's heart and being fed up with the natural consequences of their choices where the child and God come together to change the choices or direction of a child's heart.  The more I "decrease" and ask God to "increase," everybody benefits from some breathing room.

So I'll keep you posted on the progress...but that's not really the point.  The power of a praying parent does not just benefit the child... it benefits the parent as well... it takes the burden and makes it light.  It makes it more about their journey and less about ours.  

And it saves us from apologizing to the neighbors, to our children and from losing our voice the next day.  :)

So what about you?  Can you think of a situation that you've tried to control and have forgotten to let God in?  Take a few moments to ponder this question and partner with God through prayer!

Heels on Hardwoods

Hi Y'all!
(Just practicing.)

But don't count on me getting a cowboy hat.  After all, I may be headed to Texas, but I'm moving into Austin and from what I have gathered so far is that much like Seattle, very few are actually from Austin. So, wear a 10-gallon hat if you want, but as for me and my house...

no way.

Hey.  How is everybody doing on their "new year resolutions?"  "Goals?"
Are you tracking well...seeing results?  A few slips of the program but you are back on track?

Anyone fall off completely?

Did you get back up?

If you didn't, can I just remind you that the only way you can fail is if you don't finish?  The only way you lose a game is if you don't play?

I have more... I could keep going you know..... (I play this venue alllllll daaaayyyyy)

It seems like there is a lot going on in the beginning of 2013... a lot of people really searching for a change in their lives, circumstances, values, etc.  I don't know if the elections caused people to take stock in their lives, the economy, or perhaps many people just realizing that we can't rely on people or organizations to make us happy, fulfill our needs and be our end-all source.  I know that for people who follow Jesus... he's REALLY up to a lot of stuff in people's hearts and lives.  The updates, stories, blogs, posts I have been reading in 2013 are so encouraging.... God's really got some amazing plans for so many of us... well, for ALL of us actually!!!!

Hey, okay, so I have been typing and having a FB conversation with someone at the same time.  (yep... multi-tasking means I didn't give either my full attention and actually slowed down my productivity.  I have to write that because my husband reads my posts and he's constantly encouraging me to increase my capacity by stopping my multi-tasking.)

I'm pretty convinced that God has something to say here and so I'm going to just change directions and swing for some other fences... now stop browsing FB & Twitter so you can pick up what I'm laying down....


Okay, so here is what I think God is wanting to talk about today.  Not that I called him, per-se.... but I started typing on my Iphone so fast and furious to my friend (with typos in FULL FORCE... WHO HAS THAT SMALL OF FINGERTIPS...GOOD GRIEF!) but my mind was so far ahead of my fat little fingers that I needed post the ideas here and hope they bless you this morning.  (And, because quite frankly if this was my last day on earth I'd feel much better that I obeyed what God wanted me to do.)  Like I tell my children, "we don't ask 'Why?' when I ask you to do something... we just obey... there are blessings when we obey...And when you learn to obey mom, you are learning how to obey God."  Now, you have to read that with a sing-songey voice and realize that I probably lost you right about the same time as I lost my children because my answers are too long.

Moving right along....

Did you know that amongst all of the gun controversy right now, each one of us actually already pack the most powerful weapon on earth?

Yep... no registration needed but this weapon is carried by the young and old alike, the rich, the poor, the nimble and the feeble....

It is our words.

Don't underestimate them.  God saved them for humans only.  They can build up the mightiest of nations and yet tear down the very essence of a soul.  What we speak can spur the ideas of mankind and yet wound a person so deep that they cannot go on another day.

Power.

The question for today is: "How are you using your words?"

If we take a few commonly accepted thoughts and put them together.. we see a chain reaction:


“As a man thinketh in his heart, so shall he be” 

“Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results; bad thoughts
and actions can never produce good results … We understand this law in
the natural world, and work with it; but few understand it in the mental
and moral world—although its operation there is just as simple and undeviating—
and they, therefore, do not cooperate with it.” 

― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

James Allen's book title was taken from the book of Proverbs in the bible (23:7) that reads "As a man thinks in his heart.. so is he."  If we continue to look at the power of our thoughts... and we know that our words are just produced from what we are thinking... then we can begin to see the absolute power in the words we speak out loud.

Now, a disclaimer here are the words that don't come from what we are thinking.  Those words, I will lump together in the bucket called "B.S."  Because if we are saying words we really don't mean... then that is just a waste of air, time and space...right?  And we all know these words... just take, for example, the words your kids must use when they are apologizing to a sibling.  It is QUITE APPARENT when they have absolutely no heart intention behind their words.  So lets just cast the "B.S." words aside and deal with the ones that are coming from our heart.

The Bible tells us this, about words:

“Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results; bad thoughts
and actions can never produce good results … We understand this law in
the natural world, and work with it; but few understand it in the mental
and moral world—although its operation there is just as simple and undeviating—
and they, therefore, do not cooperate with it.” (Luke 6:45)

Oh wait.  Didn't we just read that?  James Allen understood it when he wrote an entire book on how the power of our thoughts and words directs our path.

After all... our words have power.  Let's just recall how the word started:

God said, "Let there be light... and there was light." (Genesis Chapter 1)

Notice how the Bible doesn't read, "God thought it would be cool if there was light so it just happened.)  No.  He had to speak it.

So what do YOU want for yourself in 2013?  What were your goals, dreams and desires?
Are you speaking those out loud?  Are you sharing those with your inner circle of friends... the ones that God put in your life to build you up, encourage you and keep you accountable?

By the way, friends, if you can't name 4 people that fit in that category, time to find some new friends!

You know, the friend I "chatted" with online via FB this morning was really hoping for an adventure for her family this year... which I assume to be some sort of location or job change.  Yet she didn't want to share it with me because she was nervous that talking about it would make it "not happen."

You know, "jinx it."

What?  WHAT?

That's not how we are to live, dear friends!  We believe in a God that BREATHED the universe into existence.  We believe in a GOD that said "light" and there was light.  We believe in a God that gave us words to use and those words, when spoken, can cause Mountains to Move!

Disbelief?

Martin Luther King: "I have a dream...."
President Lincoln: "Four score and 7 years ago..."
Susan B. Anthony: "... women, as well as men...."
Jesus: "Forgive them....."

Now hey, I am preaching to myself dear friends... you poor souls just got sucked into the ride!  Even this week, as I prepared for the pre-launch of my first published book... I keep dumbing down the end product.  "It's not really a big deal... just a little book... it's only an E-book... it's not a binded-hard-cover."

What?  WHAT?

No wait.  That book idea was given to me while I was listening to a worship song 2 years ago.  I did nothing with it until I ran into someone who started a new job and asked if I knew of any authors with original kids material.  I said I had a story if they wanted to look at it and 2 weeks later, they replied that they wanted to pay for the full production of an animated version!

Two lessons here:
1.  Speak words.  Had I kept quiet during that conversation... the book would still be on a notepad.
2.  It was God's idea he just happened to use me as the vessel... so don't shortchange God and the idea he planted in your heart.

Oh it's easy to dumb stuff down.  Be afraid to "jinx" it.  But let's call that for what it is.  FEAR.

And God did not give you a spirit of fear...  (I put it in Amplified version so you would catch this):

2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

If nothing else, today... be painfully aware of what comes out of your mouth today.  Does is speak "life?"  Does is speak "encouragement?"  Even more pointed, ask yourself this... "Does that pay homage to Jesus or the Enemy?"  Because trust you me, the enemy wants nothing more than you to doubt your dreams and your ability to reach them.

Your dreams are God-designed... so when we speak them we are likely to follow them.  When we follow them... we are likely to reach them.  When we reach them, we are changing the world.

Hockey legend Wayne Gretsky said, "You will miss 100% of the shots you never take."

So take that shot.  Aim at the goal and then CONFESS IT WITH YOUR MOUTH.

Be blessed today.

So yesterday I wrote about my last month of life which has all been linked with the same feeling of how a pea must feel...sitting in a pot of pea soup.  It's thick, its foggy, it's dark...and well, quite frankly... it's a bit lonely!  Of course, there are lots of other peas floating around with me... some more mashed than others (how punny) but all in all... unless I were to swim around, I wouldn't know there were any other peas in this big thick pot of "life."


At least let me say that based on texts, comments and FB posts... I am not the only one feeling like a vegetable these days...or feeling like someone shut the lights out on my world... so I think this is a post we can "go through together."  What do you say?  Let's do it.... lets be peas...and "filled with peas."  (Get it.... peas/peace?)  I might have lost it.


Okay, enough with the analogies... I'm either feeling sheepish for so much "close to potty talk" references to peas or feeling bloated at the thought of eating pea soup... how bout I get to the topic, eh?

Nope.  I have to go back to the peas.... but let's stop being like my kids who pretend to be Skippy Jon Jones for a minute and quit calling it "Inner Peas" and really talk about Inner Peace.

THAT IS HOW YOU KNOW HOW TO NAVIGATE THROUGH PEA SOUP

Inner peace.

Not the kind you can get from smokin something.  Not the kind you can get from simply taking a few deep breaths.... (fine print... deep breaths are ALWAYS helpful to slow yourself down when you need it.) but that alone will not get you Inner Peace.

It only comes from within your spirit.... and in your spirit resides your creator.  Guess who?

(Perhaps I have watched far too much kids programming lately after having a sinus infection and flu for the last 10 days but I"m thinking of Phineas and Ferb's character Dr. Doofenshmirtz who might say something at this point "Why is this lady always talking about Jesus... I mean its like she can't have a blog post without mentioning the guy... as if he is the only solution.  I'll have to go make a Jesusinator."

Well, as much as I might be all over the place here... it's true.  Jesus is the only one who can satisfy that anxiousness or lost feeling in our soul.  If you believe in God and his son Jesus, then you know that he was the author and creator of you... he's the very center of you.  And if you don't currently believe in God and his son Jesus... now would be a great time....because He is the only thing that can offer you a ladle to climb on out of the foggy soup..... and transform you from "pea" to "peace."

One day I am convinced I will look back on this post and wonder if I got enough sleep last night.

Let me help you friends to get very practical with this.  I'm going to give you my "foggy" story (aka announcement) to help connect the dots... find the ladle... and walk in ASSURED peace.  Because like everything...there's a Jesus component and a "You" component to making this work.

At the end of November we were asked to take on a very big project.  Big.  BIG.

BIG.

Chris and I didn't want to.  We had just settled down... for a long winter's nap.  (Twas the night before Christmas line...did you catch it?)  Anyhoo... life was good.  We felt like we had just enough on our plate to begin to relax now that we were fully transitioned in Seattle, school, neighborhood, church, old friends, new friends... you get it.

But how many of us know "Good" can be the enemy of "Great?"

You see... we as people want a "good life."  But God promises us a "great life."  

"I know that my God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that I could ask or imagine because of the power that works in me."  Ephesians 3:20

Mmmm... so I do I continue with "good" (comfortable) or do I go for "great" (stretching.)

Ahhhhh.... but life is so good when it's comfortable.

Truth be told... however... I believe so many of us don't make choices that move us from comfortable to stretching because it gets foggy... it gets scary.... we have to spend a lot of time in faith... in the darkness.  I also believe:

If you haven't seen fruit of things promised or hoped for and you give up....you will never receive it!

That's the price of staying comfortable.

So what did I do?  

1. I prayed... a lot.  Now don't get any funky "religious" ideas...the Bible says that God hates our "religious rhetoric" for the sake of being pious or looking "holy."  Prayer is just conversation with God.... like picking up a phone and talking to your perfect Father.  (Don't Facetime.... it won't work... you'll get that in Heaven... so for now, it's just cell time but the minutes don't go on your plan.)  We teach our kids to pray at night like they were reading a letter out loud to him... "Dear God... thank you for today... thank you for helping me with my test... please help me in "x" situation, etc."  So I prayed a lot about the choice in front of me.
2. I read my Bible.  Did you know that the Bible is a "LIVING, BREATHING" document?  Try praying for God to reveal himself to you and then read some of your bible (I recommend the gospels first) but you'll be amazed that words almost seem highlighted...your heart leaps... you see something in a new way that TOTALLY applies to your situation at hand.  Do you ever remember being in trouble as a kid or teenager and then you watch a show with your parents and it seems like the show was about the same thing you just got busted for?  (Anyone else get busted a lot... just me?   Great.)  Anyway, God does the same thing with the Bible.
3. Talk to wise counsel.  Hey, if they don't love God... they ain't counsel... they are just great friends and supporters...but don't confuse the two.

If you have done all these things... I promise you... God will give you peace (peas...tee hee) about the road you are to take.  Remember that: In all your ways acknowledge Him

And He will direct your path.  (Proverbs 3:6)

And so, we as a family chose to follow him.  Again.  Into new territory.  And I am doing it with Peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding.... that is inexplicable.... because on the outside it looks unexpected, surprising and wow... "didn't see that coming."  But on the inside... it's amazing peace.

THE TURNLEY'S ARE MOVING TO 

AUSTIN, TEXAS!

Yep...that is right, y'all!  We have been asked with the Malouff family (Children's pastors at The City Church to help them start a church in Austin Texas.  Chris will be serving as the Executive Pastor (aka C.O.O.) and continuing his NVP role at Iron Mountain.  We move in July after school and sports are out, but in time for my oldest to get plugged into "Football Country."  We are thrilled, excited, full of anticipation and wonderment.  Counting the cost was heavy...so many friends, our family, our church.... but when God puts the ladle into the pot to get you out of the fog and see your next step... you gotta take it!  

Check us out at: www.expressionchurch.com

Umm... and yes... I'll be writing more about this later... and I'm sure the mom stories will make a comeback next week... now that I'm not drinking NyQuil and Benadryl as a cocktail, my full brain-power should be alive and kicking within days!!!